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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend posting photos of fostered baby

49 replies

Sunflower8710 · 25/09/2023 14:13

AIBU for thinking it’s so wrong for a friend to be posting photos on social media of a baby she is fostering? Showing full face and name (first name only) the baby is a newborn and she has posted like a newborn photo shoot with her and her partner. She has wanted children for years but never been able to convince so I’m slightly worried for her as she is getting carried away as though this baby was her own. Thoughts?

OP posts:
caban · 25/09/2023 14:15

What's the situation? Is she an experienced foster carer or is this a foster-to-adopt situation?

ImtheFlag · 25/09/2023 14:16

I guess it kinda depends on how much you know about the fostering agreement she has?

If its a short term placement - yanbu
If its a permanent placement/precursor to adoption - yabvu

Insommmmnia · 25/09/2023 14:17

Sounds like more of a foster-to-adopt situation

Original poster
Sunflower8710 · 25/09/2023 14:17

No plans on adoption it’s a simple foster placement.

OP posts:
Coffeeandme · 25/09/2023 14:17

My friend started a foster-to-adoption process and got their baby when he was a few weeks old. Until the adoption went through when he was over a year old SS said it was a no-no to post photos on SM.

She is doing something very silly and if she hopes to adopt this child she could be putting that in jeopardy. If she is fostering this child then she is not the baby’s permanent legal guardian yet and has no right to do this.

Original poster
Sunflower8710 · 25/09/2023 14:18

It’s a foster placement with no adoption, the child could be placed with other siblings or family members on any given day.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 25/09/2023 14:21

…without sounding cliche … all babies look very similar, especially in those newborn photo shoots, so I doubt anyone would recognise the baby.

When it comes to her being carried away -Social Services will have explained the process to her, but reality may bite very hard.

Lavender14 · 25/09/2023 14:27

caban · 25/09/2023 14:15

What's the situation? Is she an experienced foster carer or is this a foster-to-adopt situation?

Even if this was a foster to adopt placement the social workers will be working to see if baby can go back to birth parents or extended family as first preference so until that is all completely and permanently ruled out there is no reason for ops friend to think that baby will be with them long term. It could change at any time. Doing a family style photo shoot is totally inappropriate unless they know for a fact they are adopting this child.

I work with young people in care and this is very unusual. Normally foster/adoptive parents are very cautious about what is posted online firstly for safeguarding purposes and secondly because this is not their child so they shouldn't be posting without explicit consent from social services and the biological parents. (Perhaps they have sought this) None of the young people I work with could have their image online prior to turning 18. Obviously not every foster situation is one where bio family pose any risk to the child, a parent could simply be ill in hospital and not have extended family support for example. But there's still no reason I can see as to why the child would be photographed in this particular way and it shows poor boundaries on ops friends part. Foster/adoptive children should be placed because someone wants to make a difference to that child's life, not because they are trying to fill a hole left by infertility or bereavement. Op if you're in the UK your friend should have been made very aware of this and it would have formed a large part of their training and vetting. Is this their first time with a placement?

MariePaperRoses · 25/09/2023 14:52

Are her settings doe people she knows (Facebook friends only) or set to public?

MargotBamborough · 25/09/2023 15:00

MariePaperRoses · 25/09/2023 14:52

Are her settings doe people she knows (Facebook friends only) or set to public?

It doesn't make any difference.

My friend has been fostering a baby since they were born last year and she never posts photos showing the baby's face on social media.

Widgets · 25/09/2023 15:20

She is breaking the rules and her fostering agreement.
she will have been made aware of social media safeguarding risks during her fostering training, she is being very selfish.

Diamondcurtains · 25/09/2023 15:23

My friend fosters and has done for 30 years. She’s always been told it isn’t allowed.

Drivingone · 25/09/2023 15:25

This is NOT allowed.

Bring this up with your friend immediately, her foster status is at risk of being revoked.

What on earth is she thinking?! There's no way she won't be aware this is a safeguarding risk.

Frodedendron · 25/09/2023 15:31

You're right to be concerned, it won't be within the rules of her fostering agreement and she could risk being dismissed if she is caught.

But I'd be more worried about what is going on in her head. It's important that foster carers bond and care for children in their care, but equally it is unwise for foster carers to get very emotionally attached. It's unlikely this child will be in her care forever.

But also it suggests a lack of respect for the birth mum and wider birth family, who might end up bringing this child up, and might be working very hard to make the changes they need in order to do that - and even if this has been ruled out, are likely grieving the loss of this child. Imagine the reaction they might have if they saw these photographs. She is way over the boundary and it's concerning she doesn't recognise that.

Homeeducationproblems · 25/09/2023 15:32

Report to your local authority

Homeeducationproblems · 25/09/2023 15:33

Frodedendron · 25/09/2023 15:31

You're right to be concerned, it won't be within the rules of her fostering agreement and she could risk being dismissed if she is caught.

But I'd be more worried about what is going on in her head. It's important that foster carers bond and care for children in their care, but equally it is unwise for foster carers to get very emotionally attached. It's unlikely this child will be in her care forever.

But also it suggests a lack of respect for the birth mum and wider birth family, who might end up bringing this child up, and might be working very hard to make the changes they need in order to do that - and even if this has been ruled out, are likely grieving the loss of this child. Imagine the reaction they might have if they saw these photographs. She is way over the boundary and it's concerning she doesn't recognise that.

Totally agree with everything you’ve said

cringelibrarian · 25/09/2023 15:36

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we've removed their threads and posts.

Itsnamechange · 25/09/2023 15:43

@cringelibrarian this isn't her child though, that's the point. Ops friend could be risking her foster placement and any future ones. We also don't know the details of why the child is being fostered. There could be legitimate physical danger to the child that ops friend is exposing them to.

Homeeducationproblems · 25/09/2023 15:43

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we've removed their threads and posts.

It’s safeguarding. It needs reporting - for a child to be removed at birth there will be serious concerns - the baby’s placement needed to be kept confidential

BeeCucumber · 25/09/2023 15:44

Totally against the rules and what a stupid, stupid thing to do. Safeguarding is the key here - what if the child is under a protection order? What if the parents were to find out and come banging on her door? Clearly the foster placement vetting process has failed. Report. Report. Report.

Drivingone · 25/09/2023 15:44

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we've removed their threads and posts.

That's the point - it's not her child, she has no right to post photos.

At worst, it's dangerous. The foster carer does not have parental rights and it's against guidelines to post photos online, for very good reasons.

The safety and wellbeing of the baby is priority, not the foster carer social media presence.

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 25/09/2023 15:46

This will pretty much certainly go against her fostering agreement.

yanbu.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 25/09/2023 15:57

We foster and this is definitely not allowed especially so early.
Babies are not taken into care for insignificant reasons and if bfamily see this post the baby and your friend could be at risk of serious physical harm, never mind in trouble with SS.
Our current foster child has been with us 10yrs. We do have permission to post on social media now, but after it was risk assessed and both parents knew where we lived etc .

5yrs we made a private fb and invited our family and very close friends to join so they could see posts about our holidays. However this still had to be passed by SS.

You really need to warn your friend x

Someoneonlyyouknow · 25/09/2023 16:04

Warn your friend. If they ignore you report to SS.

Coatscoatscoast · 25/09/2023 16:07

No way. Massive safeguarding risk. A friend of my sister does short term fostering and any pictures she shares are a) not professional, just normal snaps of day to day life and b) have an emoji covering the child’s face. This sounds like your friend is a bit deluded about her role here. That in itself isn’t healthy for a foster child who might one day have to move on.