Long post. Sorry in advance
Also long term poster and name change.
So I have been with DP 25 years with 4 DC.
I'd say generally we have been happy. We are compatible, although he's very different to me. (Bit grumpy).
Start of the relationship I was certainly very happy. I'd describe him as very attentive, loving etc.
Had a few years where we had lots of arguments, some huge ones, but I will take responsibility for most of that as I was causing problems and picking fights over something and nothing.
Then many good years with the kids and I'd say very content, much more so than anyone else that I knew in such a long term relationship.
Past few years I've felt things aren't quite right. Mostly ticking away fine ,but I've found him to be very intolerant of me and how I just am. Snappy. Just to say I am also quite intolerant of him too but I will tell him when he pisses me off. He denies that he is annoyed with me. Says he's fine. Clearly he's not though. Doesn't pay me as many compliments as he used to and I think it's intentional.
It's become a bit of a silly game where he snaps at me and I get offended. No apology from him. Bit of silent treatment, okay for a bit and then repeat.
I have told him many times that I don't quite feel the same( but I want to) and he says I'm just moaning!!!
Anyway , about 2 months ago we had a massive row, first ones we have had like that for years. He went fucking mental at me. He said some horrible things. Including saying doesn't want to be with me . He said our house was more his than mine. Well we have lived together in this house for 20 years and it's in joint names, but he put down all of the deposit.
We probably earn equal amounts(maybe me a little more) and pay equal amounts towards bills in fact, I perhaps spend more as I buy More for dc.
Well this bloody hurt me.
Obviously we didn't speak after this, but after a couple of days I broached the subject. I expected him to say that he didn't mean it. But no! He told me to stop going on and seemed to think I should let him be and not bother him.
So that was 2 months ago. We have gradually gone back to some normality. Had family holiday that was already booked. Had a good time. Chatted about normal stuff, had a laugh at times.
Still no mention of the row. Now I can be mean myself, but I would always apologise and address what had happened. Not him. Complete silence about it.
So we haven't had sex since then( I wouldn't want to anyhow) and not so much as a kiss. He did try and snuggle up to me in bed recently but I didn't respond.
He seems happy enough with this set up. I honestly believe he just thinks we will slip back to how we were, and to some degree we have, but without the affection and intimacy.
Now we we meant to be having a DIY job on our house, not massive but a few grand. I'm expecting a smallish lump of cash soon and I was going to pay for it, or most of it. Now it's childish, but I do not feel inclined to use my money to do work in what he seems to think is his house. He seems all pretty normal about the future, discussing long term stuff like Christmas, next years holiday etc.I'm looking at holidays myself, but mine is instead of the work on the house!!!
I feel I can barely look at the bloke atm. No way am I asking him for a conversation as he is wrong here. I am not playing games, it's just he was so spiteful to me I can't move forward. He is in the wrong here, not me. I'm like inwardly raging when he says "oh we will get some new flooring next year, or shall we go back to Cyprus, do you think?"
I want to say " are you fucking nuts, you said you didn't want to be with me!" And "its your house isn't it?!"
The think is, I'm keeping my cool as I don't want to give him the satisfaction of saying I'm going on or having a go. I'm patiently waiting like a mug for him to address it all. But it seems unlikely now.
I don't know what to get from this thread. Maybe just to offload.