To write a letter to the school requesting that a parent not be allowed into class?

[notahappymummy]

I have namechanged as don?t want to be recognized in rl.

My ds is in reception. There are a few parents who go in on a weekly basis to help out in his class. Most of them seem lovely but there is one that I am not happy about. She is a very forceful woman who I have seen in the playground and in public shouting at her ds a lot. Also, a friend of mine is quite good friends with her and she has been telling me things that this parent has told her about things happening in class, things about other children which I don?t really think she should be discussing.

I?m not happy that this parent is going into class and is then coming out and discussing the children with other parents. So I am intending to write to the head too request that this parent is no longer allowed in my ds? class because I am concerned about her inability to remain confidential.

Ibu?

I would definitley write / talk to the Head about the school using volunteers who do not respect confidence, and that you are concerned that your own dd might be subject to breaches of confidence.

Telling them you don't want her in school might be a step too far.

you should def raise your concerns with the school, yes.

yanu
but I would spesk to school so they can speak to the mum.
I wouldn't ask some one who is doing something as a volonteer to stop though unless you offer to take her place.

Have you tried talking to the parent or the class teacher first ?? It may be 'nicer' to have a quiet word first to point out that her actions are not appropriate, rather than leaping in with a formal letter to the head?

bugger nice, this sort of thing really annoys me. In order to work with children you have to have a criminal records exposure thing done via the police. But to volunteer in school, nothing. Does being a parent automatically make you suitable then?

If you are worried, take your concerns to the head teacher. I dont know that you can request that she doesnt come into class but you can certainly tell the head you are not comfortable with this. Has she had any contact with DS that you are unhappy about??

I'd speak to the class teacher first and see what she (he) says. Sometimes when a parent volunteers the teacher says yes and it's only then that they can see how that parent behaves. You don't know if the teacher thinks this lady is unsuitable too but doesn't know how to stop her from coming.

lucyellensmum - a lot of schools do ask for CRB checks for volunteers. I had one when I volunteered at DSs school

we have a parent like this.

here

it makes me very because A, I don't want to think of other parents going into class and potentially discussing my child, and I know she wouldn't want that either, and B, as a parent helper myself I wouldn't want any of the stuff that comes out of class being attributed to me - I won't even discuss peoples' own children with them let alone ones that aren't and I wouldn't want all parent helpers being tarred with the same brush because of this one woman.

So I have had words with the teacher. she was not happy.

And I've subsequently learned that others have also had words about this woman whose sole aim seems to be to wind up as many people as possible.

She is being dealt with.

Clearing a police check doesn't mean that the person will be diplomatic and professional though.

This happened a lot at my DCs first school - one mother even openly admitted that she only went in to school to hear reading so she could find out who said what to whom, and why.

Are there a lot of parent volunteers at your school, NAHM?

If so, perhaps the teacher could assign this parent some activities that don't take place in the classroom - eg tidying the library, mounting work, filing etc.

If not, then you may be stuck with the current situation.

LEM at our school all parent helpers have to have a crb check.

I am hoping to become a governor and for that I will have to have another crb check, despite the fact I had one just 6 months ago to become a parent helper.

Think CRB checking is quite standard in schools now, although if parents are not alone with children then some schools may not have this process. But sometimes I take children out into the library or have been behind in class doing reading with children why the others do PE and so of course crb is vital.

Our volunteers are CRB checked.

I am just so grateful to all the mothers that give their time. I can't. I think they are amazing. However if you have concerns I would raise them with the school - in general terms re confidentiality rather than with regard to this woman in particular. It won't do any harm for all the parents involved to be reminded of what a delicate position they are in.

and hc I agree that a crb check doesnt guarantee diplomacy.

the woman in question has absolutely none.

but she's one of those people that thinks she's more important than she is, iyswim? on her first day in class she came out and said "right, now I know who doesn't behave, and who doesn't listen." er and now so do most of the residence of her street .

She sounds like a menace

thank you all. Think I will talk to the teacher first and then if things don't improve will take it further.

I stand corrected And thats a good thing . I didnt have one when i volunteered at DD1s school, but that was over 10 years ago . LEM reminds herself to get with the times.

Still would mention this woman to the head teacher. Of course she might be fantastic with the children and they may well love her, despite her being a loud mouthed mare - then all that needs happen here is a word in her shell like about confidentiality - no problemo

Sorry - yes!

If you have such an issue with the woamn surely writing to the school to get involved is just tattling ??

if your friend is really such a good friend of this said woman surely she should of said something when she wss blabbing ...

Let the school decide what punitive measures to take....

I volunteer in DS1's school. Have had absolutely no guidance whatsoever - about confidentiality or anything else - and have not been CRB checked.

I was helping the children with a drawin program on the computer last week and a couple of them wanted to sit on my lap instead of on their own chair. I wondered whether it was OK for them to do that, but threw caution to the winds and decided to allow them.

I'd have a word with the head teacher. I think putting it in writing is too much at this stage, although if it continues to happen then I would.

I used to volunteer occasionally at DDs school. I was CRB checked - all volunteer parents needed to be even if just working in the library etc. I was never given any guidance about what to do or confidentiality. I preferred to go in for specific tasks eg. stocktake in library, sports day or accompanying on the walk to church etc. rather than just a vague offer of help, because then I would be given reading with the children, which is not a task I particularly enjoy.

Forget CRB checks. I know from extremely bitter experience that they mean nothing, only that if you've done anything, you merely haven't been caught yet. The only thing you can really do is ensure that guidelines are in place and people are aware of them and that they are enforced.

I would have a word with the class teacher and air your concerns about this woman.

I do think schools should have an induction session with parent helpers, and give them a set of guidelines etc, covering appropriate behaviour, confidentaility, what to do if fire drill, etc etc.

My Mum was a volunteer with another gran at my neices school, their role was to do cooking with the children each week, incorporating healthy eating! They were unsupervised, unchecked, the other gran devised dangerous recipes (putting cold ingredients into warm sauces and not heating thorugh etc, and had 6 year-olds tipping pasta into boiling water!! She was also prone to out and out racist rants!

Obvioulsy my Mum reported her concerns, and in the end refused to volunteer in partnership with her. But how could that happen in the first place?

CRB checks do not reveal whether someone is any respector of tact, confidentiality and discretion though!

Def raise with head teacher. She should not be talking about the children outside of the class.

At our school everyone who wants help out in the classroom (or anywhere around the school) has to attend an hour long "Parent Helper" training course, and a refresher every three years. A lot of it is about confidentiality, dealing with sensitive information, considering how a parent feels about the fact that another parent may have information about a child that the parent may not have, etc. Perhaps you could suggest something similar at your school, or at least sending a letter around with guidelines that might shame this woman into behaving.

Being a volunteer doesn't mean that you're not bound by the same code of conduct etc. as a paid worker.

Interesting thread. Any update?

I think it would be very reasonable to talk to the teacher about this helper's breach of confidentiality.

Can you not have a word with the mother in question first?