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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single parent holidays

32 replies

Girlmama82 · 24/09/2023 10:40

My ex husband wants to take our two daughters abroad for a holiday next year.

I am very unsettled about it as he would be the only adult and I am very worried that if he became ill or injured my children would have no one to come to assist. Also if either of the DC needed hospital treatment, hospital rules might not allow him to stay with sick child if he has another child in tow?

I am worried any of these situations could cause distress and trauma for the kids.

My fears are not ungrounded…. I did once have to drive over over 3hrs (a 6-7hr round trip) on a Sunday teatime as he became injured when he had them out at a day trip on his own. My DC were just stranded for hours in a busy A&E department waiting room not knowing what was happening with him taken off somewhere in the hospital.
What happens if this happens abroad!?

On the other hand my DC want to go on the holiday with him and presumably single parents take their children on holiday all the time?? He’s wanting my confirmation he can book the holiday imminently and I don’t know what to do - I have spoke to DC about my concerns but they are too blinded by wanting another holiday and repeating what their dad said which is that it’s unlikely they’ll have any disasters and I am being over cautious.

Ive explained my worries to my ex and suggested it would be better to take another adult with them (his mum or a friend, even his new gf) but he wants to book just him and the kids.

AIBU to say I don’t want them to go?

To add, they did go abroad with him on his own this year already (for the first time) and I alleviated my concerns by also going separately with my own partner to a resort close enough where I could easily get to them if needed. We stayed away from their resort all week and he had his holiday with them without issue. I can’t however do that that again next year due to financial constraints. I am not sure I can afford any holiday next year. Financially and sensibly, I realise I can’t keep spending money that I don’t have to spare to provide a nearby “rescue” for my ex’s holidays.

OP posts:
fgsstopbs · 24/09/2023 10:44

I'm sorry OP but you're being unreasonable. Your fears are your problem not your exs and children. Going on holiday nearby is a complete overreaction too. Do you take any anxiety medication or a therapist?

StormInaDcup99 · 24/09/2023 10:47

OP I was widowed when kids were v young. If I'd used your logic we would have stayed home 24/7

In all honesty please find a way to give them your blessing on this and maybe seek some counselling x

mummyh2016 · 24/09/2023 10:48

If the shoe was on the other foot would you think your ex was being unreasonable?
Do you normally suffer with anxiety?

MinnieMountain · 24/09/2023 10:50

So children can only ever have a holiday with 2+ adults? Can you see how ridiculous that sounds?

Beezknees · 24/09/2023 10:52

YABU. I am a single parent and have taken DS on holiday all the time. If my ex tried to tell me I couldn't I'd have laughed in his face.

It's natural for you to be concerned but you have no right to say no.

WoooahNelly · 24/09/2023 10:57

I've been taking my DC away abroad since they were 4&5 on my own. My ex probably doesn't worry as deeply as you do because I have taken them all over the UK as well and he knows i am vvvv organised and if any unforeseen incidents happened they could happen anywhere, including with him and at least the DC would have one parent able to look after DC as we will never all be in the same place.
I do understand your concern, as indeed it is something I had concerns about even if my ex didn't voice it. What age are your children?

BoohooWoohoo · 24/09/2023 10:57

Yabu

What kind of holiday is it? I assume it's not a dangerous adventure holiday where injuries and food poisoning is likely.

How long is it ?

If you ex is worried about injury etc then he should pay for you to travel too but it is excessive to travel just because it happened in the past. If he's travelling to Europe then I have heard nothing but good stories about A&E in countries like Spain.

Original poster
Girlmama82 · 24/09/2023 11:00

I put the post on here for guidance as on the one hand I don’t want to deny them the opportunity, but on the other hand I have the worries outlined in my post and feel I wouldn’t forgive myself if they needed me and I couldn’t be there.

I do appreciate the honest opinions and I suspect given the responses so far that I will have to agree to let them go and just hope all stays well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Girlmama82 · 24/09/2023 11:06

He wants to go to Greece. DC are both school age and fairly self sufficient in terms of looking after themselves. I guess it’s more the distress I worry about - when I had to drive hours to locate them in the A&E waiting room before, I felt awful at how stressed they were and it crossed my mind that if I hadn’t been able to get to them maybe they would have had to go into some social services care that night?

OP posts:
Baconisdelicious · 24/09/2023 11:07

Millions of people travel abroad every year successfully. Sod all happens other than a good time and they arrive home safely. It's not reasonable to assume otherwise. A tour operator or hotel management would help and support in a worse case scenario.

There are plenty of single parent group holidays if you wanted to suggest it? Single with Kids and Mango are both worth a look. I had both good and mediocre experien es with these. Any kind of tour holiday where you stick with a group would help. The Field Council also do holidays in the UK which my children particularly enjoyed but they are not single parent focused.

LollipopChaos · 24/09/2023 11:08

You've raised a good post. Recently I took my child abroad by myself as husband couldn't get time off work.

Whilst there I was having severe reactions to mosquito bits, at the end of the trip the rep said I should have gone to hospital over it.

Such a thing never crossed my mind.

It did make me question how safe it was to go solo abroad.

Beezknees · 24/09/2023 11:12

Girlmama82 · 24/09/2023 11:06

He wants to go to Greece. DC are both school age and fairly self sufficient in terms of looking after themselves. I guess it’s more the distress I worry about - when I had to drive hours to locate them in the A&E waiting room before, I felt awful at how stressed they were and it crossed my mind that if I hadn’t been able to get to them maybe they would have had to go into some social services care that night?

That could happen to me in this country as I'm a lone parent and DS's dad is not involved. So if I ever ended up in hospital god knows what would happen. It's not something I think of day to day though, you just get on with it.

HippeePrincess · 24/09/2023 11:18

not only are you being completely unreasonable but utterly ridiculous. You could ask him to make sure he had good insurance to cover eventualities where emergency childcare or other adult flying over but he doesn’t need to comply!
i took my two abroad (18 months & 4) as a single parent, didn’t even consider that kind of scenario. If I had we’d have never done anything.

WoooahNelly · 24/09/2023 11:23

LollipopChaos · 24/09/2023 11:08

You've raised a good post. Recently I took my child abroad by myself as husband couldn't get time off work.

Whilst there I was having severe reactions to mosquito bits, at the end of the trip the rep said I should have gone to hospital over it.

Such a thing never crossed my mind.

It did make me question how safe it was to go solo abroad.

Feels a bit of a stretch, going from mosquito bite to single parent travelling being unsafe. Would a local pharmacy/clinic not have been able to provide necessary drugs (antihistamines) to counteract the reaction?

Clymene · 24/09/2023 11:25

Millions of single parents take their children on holiday every year.

You're being absurd.

LollipopChaos · 24/09/2023 11:29

WoooahNelly · 24/09/2023 11:23

Feels a bit of a stretch, going from mosquito bite to single parent travelling being unsafe. Would a local pharmacy/clinic not have been able to provide necessary drugs (antihistamines) to counteract the reaction?

Show quote history

Thank you for the response. It was severe reactions, swollen hands and feet etc. There's a name for it. Pharmacy over there was useless helping.

Ringletsx · 24/09/2023 11:30

I agree you are being unreasonable. Easy jet do single parent packages on their holidays and I have taken my DD on a few.

Nevermind31 · 24/09/2023 11:30

Surely if anything happens you’d hop on a flight?
but really, he’ll be able to cope, most people don’t require hospital treatment on holiday

TealSapphire · 24/09/2023 11:43

A friend of mine goes on holiday to the same place as her ex. Then they each have a week with the kids and a week on their own.

Fiiiish · 24/09/2023 11:44

YABU you need to stop being controlling. He's as much their parent as you are

Blingstar · 24/09/2023 11:44

I think you are being overly cautious and worrying unnecessarily. Have you travelled much? By your thinking single parents (who already have a tough life and are doing everything) would never be able to go on holiday.

What if you took them on holiday with your partner and something happened to both of you, at the same time?

It sounds like a package holiday to Greece. If something happened a company rep would step in. And failing that you can call the FCO and the local consulate would assist.

You do sound anxious and upset about the previous A&E incident. Did you think the children were injured too? I think it would be helpful to have counselling for yourself because you're going to be a nervous wreck whilst they are on holiday. Let your children enjoy themselves with their dad. And try not to pass your anxiety on to them. Holidaying in the next resort is ridiculous!

gogomoto · 24/09/2023 11:44

Remember if something bad did happen you can fly out and help - but everything will be fine!

gogomoto · 24/09/2023 11:46

Perhaps as a safety net suggest he books a package, it means in emergency there are reps that could be called upon, plus that's what consulates do

junbean · 24/09/2023 11:48

I'm a single parent and I have almost no support system and yet I've always figured things out. My kids have never been abandoned anywhere. I find this ridiculous.

Smallfry79 · 24/09/2023 11:49

I fully understand your concerns.

I have been a single parent to two children for years and early on i wondered about going on hols alone and how we would cope if anything happened one if them.
I never really worried about if anything happened me.

Until one time we went away and the first day I got so sick. I think it was food poisoning. I couldnt be away from the bathroom with a basin in tow for hrs.
We were self catering and the kids had to sleep on beds with no covers the first night as i was too sick to make up the linen packs. I was fine the next day and the whole incident wasnt that serious really.
It did give me pause for though though about how the kids would cope if something serious happened me.

I decided not to go abroad with them alone again until the oldest was a teenager and better able to cope. We did holiday in our own country or visit family abroad though. No one is suggesting single parents never leave the house.

Im not sure you can stop him going. He is their parent too. Maybe suggest you would be more comfortable if they went to a resort with a holiday rep or point of contact and make sure kids know how to contact them?

Yes the odds are very slim that anything will happen. I do feel though that people here are dismissing your genuine concerns too easily though. Part ofco parenting that is most difficult can be conceding control and accepting things you dont always feel are ideal.
Just prepare your kids well in advance and hope for the best