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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask dad to pay for childcare

61 replies

smoox · 23/09/2023 15:36

My 1 year old is enrolled in daycare 5 days a week, before I did this I asked her dad (shift worker) if he could ask for one set day off during the week to spend time with our child and also save me a bit of money on daycare fees. He said he couldn’t commit to one set day so I went ahead and booked childcare. He now has asked if he can take them out of daycare 1 day a week but it will change as to when his days off work are i.e. Monday one week and Wednesday the next week.

I’m still going to have to pay for the full 5 days, even though the child will only be attending 4 days. AIBU to ask that he contributes something towards the day he’s taking her out of daycare?

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 23/09/2023 21:11

smoox · 23/09/2023 21:07

@MargotBamborough he would 100% not pick her up from mine at 7:30am and his argument would be that I have to travel into the city for work anyway, essentially passing by his house, so could drop her off on my way… I live about 30 minutes from him

If he isn't willing to pick her up from yours then he clearly isn't that fussed about seeing her.

Although I would worry about car seats and about him making you late for work if you did insist on him picking her up.

I'd be inclined to say that if it's going to cost you money for him to spend the occasional day with his own kid (that he already doesn't pay for) the answer is no.

CherryMaDeara · 23/09/2023 21:37

What is he getting £2,000 a month is benefits for?

CherryMaDeara · 23/09/2023 21:37

smoox · 23/09/2023 21:07

@MargotBamborough he would 100% not pick her up from mine at 7:30am and his argument would be that I have to travel into the city for work anyway, essentially passing by his house, so could drop her off on my way… I live about 30 minutes from him

Definitely don’t do this.

Original poster
smoox · 23/09/2023 21:45

@CherryMaDeara works full time cash in hand and gets benefits lol absolute tax dodger.

yeah he didn’t reply to me so I’m guessing she’s just going to daycare on Monday

OP posts:
PinkMoscatoLover · 23/09/2023 21:55

smoox · 23/09/2023 20:58

@PinkMoscatoLover the fees are around £1000ish and I pay around £200… if he contributed it for that one day then I’d be paying £160 and have an extra £40 a month to play with. Tbh the £40 wouldn’t even cover the cost of parking 4 days a month as i would have to drop her off to his house and park in the city centre rather than just getting the bus like I plan on doing when she’s in daycare 🤷‍♀️

Oh wow, £200 top up is a lot! I see the issue now. The fact that you’d even have to park in the city centre is just ridiculous. This man sounds unreasonable as fuck good lord!

Original poster
smoox · 23/09/2023 22:09

@PinkMoscatoLover yeah he’s an absolute nightmare of a man 🙂 proper tosser

OP posts:
Starseeking · 23/09/2023 22:36

smoox · 23/09/2023 15:54

@Cakeandslippers trying to get money/help from him is like trying to get blood out of a stone

In that case it is reasonable for you to ask him, but he won't pay.

He will have every excuse under the sun, then most likely move to not having DC on the day that it means he needs to pay.

Been there, done that.

PinkRoses1245 · 23/09/2023 22:40

lechatnoir · 23/09/2023 15:53

Can’t really vote as there isn’t an option for AIBU to think he should be paying his fair share of childcare costs REGARDLESS of how often he sees her.”

If you’re together then it comes out of the shared pot or if you don’t pool financiers then you should both be paying an amount based on % of earnings. If you’re not together this will need to come out of child maintenance.

This. When you have a child, all costs split 50/50 or relative to income

Starseeking · 23/09/2023 22:52

arethereanyleftatall · 23/09/2023 16:31

Maybe I'm naive, but can you not gather evidence for the police/government/cms that he is on £500 cash a week? This is your kids money he is stealing.

I agree with this.

My EXDP earns £60k a year, however he told CMS that he was a Contractor working on Government contracts, so they initially assessed him s having to pay £nil.

I sent CMS EXDP's

  • payslip 🤣🤣🤣
  • contact details for his workplace HR

Presumably CMS investigated something, as I received a statement increasing payment to a more reasonable level after a few weeks. I never told EXDP however though lol

phoenixbiscuits · 23/09/2023 22:56

Do you seriously want such a flakey bloke looking after your child for a full day? Relying on him to be able to work?

I'd rather pay the extra £40 a month to know my child is being cared for properly and consistently.

giggly · 24/09/2023 16:25

This man is a bellend and you should in no what facilitate his contact with your daughter. Start that now and you will regret it. If he can’t be arsed to put he effort of time and money into her now then that is his loss. So not allow you child to be around such an area, father or not

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