to think it takes the proverbial if I look after my friend's child for a hospital appointment and she tags on another hour to go to tescos?

[R2G]

Looked after my friend's child while she went for her 20 week scan. I don't mind helping although she knew I was really busy myself she has no family around so of course for this I didnt mind re-arranging. However, said she would be back by 2.30 giving me time to do my other stuff 9 (not that I said that out loud) and she didn't come back until 4 as decided it was a good chance to go to Tescos child-free. Then sat down for an hour for a coffee so I got absolutely nothing done all day it has set me back. She always does stuff like this she doens't work and because I work from home she thinks it is acceptable to drop by for coffee and sit there all afternoon. Doesn't help that her daughter bites my son all day and tips the toys all over the place. AIBU?

It is tricky. I have a friend who likes to keep very very busy, out and about all the time, socialising, her dh and her take it in turns to go out most evenings.

That's fine, but I like to spend more time at home, and although I enjoy my friends, I also like "my own company" sometimes iykwim.

I work shifts, lots of evenings and week ends, and I was finding it a problem that she was frequently asking me (either just me and her, or as part of a group) to go to all kinds of activities etc. In the end I had to say (several times, and using several different ways of saying it) that although I loved seeing her (and still do) because of our different working patterns and different interests, at times I would be declining her kind invitations. I was upfront but in a very kind, polite way, as I didn't want to lose the friendship. I think she appreciated the honesty even if she didn't understand totally.

I think what I am getting at is that some people are very persuasive and thick skinned. (like your friend). So just saying you are "busy with work" makes her want to be proactive and help you. What you really mean is yes you are busy but you also need time and space to do it yourself. You may need to think of ways of saying this that doesn't make her want to come up with a solution for you!

Other ways of dealing with her kindly might be to arrange meet ups at her house or neutral venue, (once a month or whatever you can manage) - then you can leave once you need to rather than be sitting frustrated that she is staying for just one more coffee.

I feel a bit sorry for her, but I feel for you too.

I had a 'friend' like that.

She used to call at my house as soon as she dropped her kids at school. I just had one child at the time & she was a great sleeper. So instead of me getting up, I just lay on until whatever time dd woke up at.

Many a morning I would open my curtains to find said 'friend' camping on my driveway waiting on me to wake up.

It started getting bad when she began mouthing off to my husband about not painting our new house...she suggested she go & buy paint & a roller & come down to paint for us.. said she could look after me & dd better than he could! Dh was pissed off with her!

She had a mad boyfriend who started calling me & asking if she was with me 'cos she wasn't answering her calls.... she would tell him she was with me all day even if I hadn't seen her.

Finally she started wanting to take my dd home with her to her house & mind her... I refused saying I didn't like anyone who didn't know dd that well to mind her.. it was madness.

In the end dh had to tell her that I was having a mental breakdown (It's true, I was losing the plot)& was better off alone.

She sent me e-mails for weeks until she must've got fed up with it & stopped.

So I do understand how you feel about friends like that. I don't think you mean you have too many friends & don't need another, I think you mean you don't need a friend with so many expectations of you!

wallofsilence,couldnt have said it better myself.good look R2G hope you get it all sorted.xx