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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make complaint against manager?

65 replies

darcymae · 22/09/2023 22:33

I have been with my employer for two years now and have just joined a new team.

I am also pregnant and due to go on Maternity Leave soon.

During a team brief via Teams my manager announced my pregnancy and completely put me on the spot.

I am a private person and have told few people and I feel really annoyed at that my Team Leader think she has a right to share such personal information with people I do not even know.

I work part time and soon after a few people were asking about my pregnancy and asking if that is the reason I only work work part time to get the full rate Maternity Pay.

I have had issues in my pregnancy and has been quite stressful and my Team Leader was asking me why I wanted to keep it a secret, none of her business at all!

I am thinking of making a complaint against her to HR
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ItsNotRocketSalad · 23/09/2023 01:22

People like you are why I never want to be a manager again. There's always one drama llama with no self-awareness.

Original poster
darcymae · 23/09/2023 01:24

onthenightfeed · 23/09/2023 01:16

"My old manager was taking the redundancy he never mentioned my pregnancy to anyone as he did say he would notify HR as there were procedures to follow.

My trainer had to advise HR of my pregnancy as I had to book time off work training to attend my 20 week scan and my trainer was keen to ensure that I got paid the 3 hours your entitled to take for appointments.

Apparently this was the first that the company had heard of the pregnancy and my now manager and HR had to have a Maternity Meeting with me."

I'm confused, were you expecting to just go on maternity leave without having told anyone at the company at all!? And the only reason anyone did know was just purely because of an appointment, and even that was then passed to HR indirectly? Did your midwife not inform you that you need to pass a MATB1 form onto HR in order to inform them of your upcoming leave?

Seems very strange that you want to rush to HR to complain about the manager for disclosing this very normal information, when you didn't even disclose this information to HR yourself as is necessary!

I can totally understand not wanting this information shared openly early on in your pregnancy if you've had scares, but if you're only a few weeks away from your maternity leave, then I think people need to know, otherwise where were you expecting them to think you've gone for several months?

I had told my old manager I was pregnant and he had assured me he would sort it out for me - he never did.

My employer was advised of my pregnancy way before the required 15 weeks before the due date.

It is the manner in which my manager disclosed my pregnancy via a live Teams Call putting me on the spot.

Anyway thanks to those who have been nice and respectful in replying to me.

I will leave it as that as I just dont get the nastiness of some posters.

I wouldnt of minded had she had asked beforehand or even mentioned it after I had left.

OP posts:
PowerVandhana1986 · 23/09/2023 01:28

Good time.

EggTheParrot · 23/09/2023 01:33

@darcymae so you expected to just F off for a year and then 'ooh darcymae is returning to work but absolutely not because she had mat leave no.. you can decide why she wasn't here for a year.. oh well she's back now but don't ask how many kids she has because she'll get annoyed and post about you on Mumsnet

Jibo · 23/09/2023 01:50

What were you planning to put on your out of office?

You sound like a nightmare. People like you are the reason employers swerve women of childbearing age.

VeridicalVagabond · 23/09/2023 02:12

You chose the wrong time to post OP, after 10pm Mumsnet is just full of vicious cowbags who've nothing better to do than be nasty for no reason to make themselves feel good. Like this is such a minor thing to get your teeth out for, people, maybe tone it down a few notches? Jeez.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I understand why you're a bit perturbed as I'm a private person too and would prefer to share a pregnancy on my own terms, especially with a bunch of strangers. However a complaint is unlikely to get you anywhere and might just create unnecessary stress for you at an already stressful time. You'll be away with your whole head full of baby stuff very soon and this will seem like a tiny insignificant blip, which it is really.

Let this one go, focus on you and baby, and best of luck with everything.

converseandjeans · 23/09/2023 08:20

YABU and it sounds like it was said in context of you not being around for a while. Not gossiping for the sake of it.

It's strange you don't want anyone to know about being pregnant when you're not far off maternity leave.

I'm shocked that there is a team WhatsApp group and majority of content is aimed at saying how awful the manager is. It sounds really nasty & toxic.

Were you planning to just disappear with no explanation?

Aprilx · 23/09/2023 08:49

Yes you are being incredibly unreasonable and are going to make yourself look ridiculous if you were to complain. If you had just told your manager that you are 7 weeks pregnant and high risk and she announced it, then I could see your point.

But you are about to go on maternity leave, why on earth wouldn’t the rest of the team be informed about this, it is relevant to the work situation and generally means some planning is required.

Houseplantmad · 23/09/2023 08:57

YABU. She didn’t “announce” it - she as giving an operational message.
You sound as if you want to just join the pile on of the manager. Please don’t report it. Leave HR alone to deal with proper issues.
Before your baby arrives, perhaps work on your sensitivity as you are giving a message of being an overly precious person. This won’t be easy for you to manage when your baby arrives if you don’t put strategies in place now.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 23/09/2023 09:20

YABU and it sounds like an odd way for you to behave at work. Mat leave and pregnancy is quite normal, I can’t see the issue here.

padsi1975 · 23/09/2023 09:41

Perhaps the whatsapp group that's full of nastiness is something that should be reported to HR.

nevynevster · 23/09/2023 09:49

Why don't you just have a word with your manager and say "I'm a private person and it made me a bit uncomfortable to have my pg announced without any prior warning. I am sure you were doing this with really good intentions but for the future if you could just let me know in advance so I can be aware that would be great as I get a bit uncomfortable in these situations otherwise. Thanks so much"

Simple. The manager probably thinks they were doing a nice thing so no need to go to hr

Olika · 23/09/2023 13:59

Just have a chat with her. I think your new manager just has different approach to things in comparison to your old one
Some of your colleagues are stupid with their comments.

I totally get how annoyed you are as I would have been too. I didn't want anybody to know about mine as I had gone through MC with the previous pregnancy and I really wanted to see this time it would be ok. I also didn't want to really discuss my pregnancy with my colleagues etc as I just wanted that to be between my DH, my family and few of my closest friends who had children so they could give me advice.

You are going off soon anyway so soon you will be busy with your newborn and believe my you won't give a damn about these things.

PearlRuby · 23/09/2023 14:06

You would be much better of speaking to HR about the vicious toxic WhatsApp group to be honest!

FallGall · 23/09/2023 14:28

Pfannkuchen · 23/09/2023 00:37

Another thing people get offended about, it's exhausting.

I guess the term "maternity cover" will have to disappear, as it's clearly a breach of privacy to share information about a pregnancy.

I can't picture how it will work: we are training "new person" but we can't tell you who they will replace, why or for how long, it's a secret.

This exactly what I was thinking!!!

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