My child plays wrong, who knew?! (Lighthearted)

[DCPlaysWrongNot]

Every other Friday night, when she isn’t with her dad, I take DD (aged 9) to a soft play centre. I vary it each time.

She has SN and a couple of medical issues.

She loves Soft Play. I always choose ones aimed at slightly older children, there’s 4 nearby that say they go up to aged 12 or under 4.5ft.

DD looks and sounds younger than her age more like a 6–7-year-old but she’s happy.

She usually has a couple of goes on the slide then just sits in either the ball pit or under those big square blocks. She happily chats to any child who passes her or who stops for a chat, and she never gets in anyone’s way. She doesn’t throw anything, or shout or meltdown she just sits. She says she sits and makes up a game in her head with the balls being a shark pit or she’s floating in the sea waiting to be rescued, she pretends she’s sat on a raft and the other children are on other boats or rafts also waiting to be rescued.

Tonight she was doing just that, sitting in the ball pit, chatting to anyone who passed her, one girl stopped and chatted to her for a good 5-10 minutes.

After that, the girls dad came up to me conversation went like this:

Him “Is that your girl in the ball pit just sitting?”
Me “It is, did she throw something or say something mean, I’ll have a word if she did”
Him “No she’s just sat there chatting to my girl when my girl should be playing”
Me “She’s happy enough, if she’s not upsetting anyone please just leave her be, she’s quite happy. If you don’t want your daughter to chat to her and would rather she play that’s fine”
Him “It’s bloody strange, it’s a soft play, they’re supposed to play, sitting is not playing they can do that at home with a tablet. It’s wrong”

I’m sat thinking that she is playing in her own way. She’s happy, I can see her, she’s not disrupting anyone. I check in with her every 10 minutes or so and check she doesn’t want me to ask some of the other children to play with her, and she always says they chat to her and she’s fine.

I’ve paid the same price as everyone else there for my DD to be there, so surely if she’s happy and not upsetting anyone it’s fine?

For context DD loves these trips, looks forward to it all week and says it’s her way to relax after a hard week.

So AIBU? Or does my DD play wrong?

Lighthearted by the way, I don’t care what someone thinks about the way my DD plays.

Why did you immediately jump to the conclusion she'd thrown something or said something mean?

@DinaofCloud9 Because I know what kids at soft play are like, my girl isn't known to throw things but she may have done as a joke and it got misunderstood or hit someone. Similarly she doesn't always mean to be mean but her SN means sometimes she says things more rudely than intended.

What a tit! Very strange, not to mention rude, to say your kid is doing it wrong. If it bothered him that much he should have encouraged his own child to be more active.

Your girl sounds lovely, and so wonderful that she shares her imaginations with you,😍

He was a very, very strange man. Your dd is fine playing how she wants to.
Ignore him.

Maybe he is miffed his dd preferred your dd to his idea of a fun trip out. .

Maybe he thinks it’s weird you’ve paid money for her to come and sit rather than him saying her way of playing is wrong?

Not defending him, it’s absolutely your choice & having worked in an SEN school with a small soft play room I have seen many children enjoy just sitting in the ball pit, it’s the even pressure surrounding their bodies that’s often comforting I think.

the only thing I would say is if she were ‘monopolising’ a piece of equipment and therefore stopping others playing in that area, but nothing you’ve said would suggest that, in which case ignore.

What a twat

Your daughter sounds so sweet 😊

That dad sounds close minded. And maybe a bit uptight? Maybe HE could do with a quiet sit down at the end of the week thinking about sharks 😆

Obviously YANBU. It sounds like your DD is really making the most of her time there.

But I do sort of know what he means re. his own child. You pay the softplay fee and want them to run themselves ragged and wear themselves out, not just sit and chat which they could do at home for free.

We used to go to a softplay that had a small section with little trucks and stuff in it and one of mine would just spend the whole time playing with the trucks, which is exactly what they'd have done at home, we just stopped going because it wasn't worth the £30 entrance fee for them to do something they could just do at home.

If I were you I honestly think I'd have laughed, what an odd interaction.

His daughter sounds like she's learning better communication skills there her weirdo dad.

This.

Mine spent about ten minutes looking at a spider the other day. They can do that at home for free!

I would be so tempted to tell him he was ‚bloody strange‘. Kids can do what they want, if they aren’t hurting or disrupting others.

i hate adults thinking they can make judgemental comments about kids they know nothing about. There may be medical issues, SN, etc.

@NuffSaidSam

But I do sort of know what he means re. his own child. You pay the softplay fee and want them to run themselves ragged and wear themselves out, not just sit and chat which they could do at home for free.

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completely disagree.

How sad that sone parents are more concerned about the fee they have paid and getting their moneys worth of running about over letting their child enjoy the space and socialise with new children.

Because no parent goes up to another parent and says "is that your child" unless there's been an incident

Goodjob

Sounds a perfect pastime to me OP. Yes of course she could just sit at home but then she wouldn't be interacting with the other kids would she?
Sometimes kids (and adults) don't need to join in and 'get their money's worth' out of something, it's enough just to be there.

I assume that his DD sleeps better or is better behaved if she's had a bit of a run around, and that's why he brings her to soft play and pays the entry fee rather than just staying home in a limited space. Obviously it's completely up to your DD how she spends her time, but I can understand him wanting his own DD to be playing actively rather than sitting still chatting.

Your daughter is fine but I guess that dad wanted his own daughter to get some exercise. Some kids need encouraging to a healthy amount of movement (again his daughter, not yours).

@NuffSaidSam For DD she's an only child so it's just me to chat to. For it's improving her social skills, she's learning how to relax/destimulate without melting down, she's getting used to different smells and colours.

For her it's a workout just sitting, and I'm fine with that. I've paid between £5 and £7 the same as the other parents there, and I buy tea and cake. If DD wanted to just sit at a table with me rather than in the ball pit/with the blocks I'd be fine with that because it's about her getting used to that environment and learning to cope in it.

@PerfectMatch Thats why I said it was fine to encourage his daughter to play elsewhere and not stand and chat, me and DD are not offended if you'd rather run around or whizz down the slide no-one is forced to speak to DD. She'll say hi , did you have fun on the slide/in that bit and if they stop to chat she'll chat, if they move on she'll talk to someone else. She's not fussy. If no-one speaks to her she still sits there happily sitting and imagining.

As I very clearly said, it sounds like your DD is really make the most of it.

But I can also see what the other parent was getting at, although what he wanted you to do about it I don't know! But I get the frustration.

As you said, light-hearted, don't worry about it.

Who would have known playing involved actually moving on your feet?

Says more about him that hometime is for sitting on a tablet and that's his idea of non ambulant play!

You're dd sounds lovely.

Is he nuts? I agree, if she was monopolising something, it could get annoying, people need to share, but apart from that?

I admire your restraint OP, my reaction would be "what the fuck does it have to do with you?". Even if your child decides to spend their whole time playing on a tablet, as long as they don't bother anyone, who the hell cares what others are doing?

she could be tired, or waiting for someone, or injured, or just not in the mood to run around?

That would be the time to judge his choice of giving a tablet at home to children young enough to go to a softplay 😂

What a lovely creative imagination your daughter has.

They could have been making up imaginary stories and role play for all he knew! How bizarre. Kids chat when they play quite often, doesn’t always mean they are physically moving about. What an odd man!