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Original poster

To be put off someone now I know they’ve had plastic surgery?

34 replies

RedCrumbs · 22/09/2023 14:59

Been seeing someone for a few months and it’s come about that they had a nose job, veneers and surgery to remove fat from the chest as there was too much for a man basically. I don’t know why but this has honestly put me off a bit and can’t tell if that’s really unreasonable and not how others would feel?

OP posts:
GodspeedJune · 22/09/2023 15:01

It doesn’t really matter how others would feel, if it puts you off then that’s reason enough.

The veneers would definitely put me off as I believe the natural teeth are shaved down to tiny stubs and eventually there’s nothing left to attach a new veneer to.

Fiiiish · 22/09/2023 15:03

None of those would bother me. I assume the chest surgery was for gynecamastia which would have been outside of his control, and a man getting a nose job I'd assume he'd broken it at some point and be glad he probably no longer snores.

So without knowing why he got the procedures I won't judge. But it's your relationship and you need to be happy with your partner

Pootles34 · 22/09/2023 15:07

It wouldn't necessarily put me off - on it's own I might worry they were a smidgy bit shallow, but a) that's probably shallow of me, and b) by now I'd hope you'd be aware of that anyway?

Only you know if you like him enough to get over your dislike of it though. Did he say more about why he did it? I'd assume it's not cheap so maybe some deep-seated psychological issue? Don't rush a decision anyway.

Garath · 22/09/2023 15:08

I remember a news story about a bloke who sued his wife because she had plastic surgery before they met and didn’t tell him, and their kids were ugly. I would check his old photos very carefully before deciding to commit! 😂

Original poster
RedCrumbs · 22/09/2023 15:11

He said he chipped his teeth in an accident when he was a teen and had to constantly have them bonded and he wanted something more long lasting and then decided to just do his whole mouth and no, he never told me until our night out last night

yes the chest thing was where there was more than there should have been there

the nose he just hated how large it was

i just feel like really he is basically not the same person!

OP posts:
MrsRetriever · 22/09/2023 15:12

Why though? Is it because you think it’s vain or shallow, or somehow “unmanly”?

You don’t need a reason to go off someone new (or long term, really) but it might be worth thinking about why.

FWIW it wouldn’t bother me but like a PP has mentioned, veneers need a bit of upkeep.

ManateeFair · 22/09/2023 15:14

I mean, if something puts you off, it puts you off. It's not really about being reasonable or unreasonable.

However, I would definitely be asking yourself why you're so put off. You're obviously attracted to him because he looks good. If you're attracted to men who look like that, then you do need to accept that it usually takes some intervention to achieve that look.

It's a bit like a man saying 'I really fancied this woman because she had round, perky breasts that are much too big for their frame and never seem to drop, but now I've found out she's had a boob job and it's given me the ick'.

ManateeFair · 22/09/2023 15:16

i just feel like really he is basically not the same person!

But you didn't know him before. You were attracted to a person with white teeth, a straight nose and a lean chest. What does it matter if he didn't always have those things? You're not dating him in the past. You're dating him now.

PermanentTemporary · 22/09/2023 15:18

In theory it's fine. In practice the only man I've known intimately who had had cosmetic surgery (jaw and nose) was a very damaged person and purely because of him I'd be quite wary now. It does argue a kind of very fundamental word unhappiness that I just don't want to look after now that I'm older.

Cosmetic dentistry is a bit more of a grey area for me but my difficulty with both is that I often fundamentally don't like the way cosmerux intervention looks. I will admit though that I once had a very painful kiss from a guy with serious buck teeth (like, well within range for NHS braces, they were practically horizontal) and I did wonder why he hadn't had something done. I quite liked that he didn't care though.

tescocreditcard · 22/09/2023 15:20

I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Chickenkeev · 22/09/2023 15:21

None of his reasons are particularly vain or vacuous. If he's a nice guy it seems a silly thing to hold against him.

theduchessofspork · 22/09/2023 15:23

Would you prefer moobs?!

You feel how you feel, but nose, teeth and moobs seem quite conventional things to fix if you don’t like them.. although admittedly if they all needed doing he was pretty unlucky.

tescocreditcard · 22/09/2023 15:23

Is he kind? Thoughtful? Hard working? Funny? Generous? Family loving?

You'd turn down someone with those attributes because they'd had cosmetic surgery?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 22/09/2023 15:26

Has he seen you without your make-up on yet?

Cleethorpes · 22/09/2023 15:29

GodspeedJune · 22/09/2023 15:01

It doesn’t really matter how others would feel, if it puts you off then that’s reason enough.

The veneers would definitely put me off as I believe the natural teeth are shaved down to tiny stubs and eventually there’s nothing left to attach a new veneer to.

For veneers you only have .5mm or so removed (I was talking to my dentist about this yesterday). I think it is crowns where you have a lot more taken off.

Clarinet1 · 22/09/2023 15:32

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 22/09/2023 15:26

Has he seen you without your make-up on yet?

This!

kateclarke · 22/09/2023 15:34

It would depend if it was plastic surgery or cosmetic surgery. They are not the same.

tescocreditcard · 22/09/2023 15:36

kateclarke · 22/09/2023 15:34

It would depend if it was plastic surgery or cosmetic surgery. They are not the same.

I thought plastic surgery was prosthetic, for injuries, and cosmetic surgery was for cosmetic reasons.

Nowadays though people seem to call all of it cosmetic surgery. It's been a long time since I heard the term plastic surgery.

foulksmills · 22/09/2023 15:41

Yes, plastic surgery would be to correct a disfigurement or injury. Or something causing a problem. Cosmetic surgery is to change something that you don't like (eg, size/shape of nose, eyebag removal, buccal fat removal, breast augmentation) but isn't causing medical issues.

Farmageddon · 22/09/2023 15:47

I firmly believe that when it comes to dating, we are allowed to have our own nitpicky preferences, whatever they are. I wouldn't date a smoker for example, or someone who was really unhealthy. You are allowed to find it unappealing, and don't feel you should be pressured to accept something you don't like. Some people hate tattoos for example.

However I don't have anything against plastic surgery - as a previous poster has pointed out, women (in general)tend to enhance their appearance on a regular basis - make up, hair extensions, hair dye, fake tan... I personally don't see it as all that different to be honest.

I dye my hair, I have had orthodontic treatment in the past, I have had botox and use skincare. I may get more treatments in the future. If a man I'm dating has an issue with that then that's fine, we are not compatible...

sadaboutmycat · 22/09/2023 15:58

RedCrumbs · 22/09/2023 15:11

He said he chipped his teeth in an accident when he was a teen and had to constantly have them bonded and he wanted something more long lasting and then decided to just do his whole mouth and no, he never told me until our night out last night

yes the chest thing was where there was more than there should have been there

the nose he just hated how large it was

i just feel like really he is basically not the same person!

But yes the person that you met?
Would you feel the same if you discovered he'd lost 10 stone?

whynotwhatknot · 22/09/2023 16:02

i dont understand the too much chest thing but it would depend on if he carries on having stuff done

LemonQuiche · 22/09/2023 16:03

Why does it matter what we think? It’s what you think that matters. That said, none of what you’ve said would put me off someone, if I was otherwise attracted to them. You say it’s like it’s not really them but how does that really differ from someone going to the gym to get fit, or wearing make-up, or getting a haircut that suits them better?

LookItsMeAgain · 22/09/2023 16:03

They had these procedures done for themselves, not for you.

The fact that you say you would be 'put off' someone who has plastic surgery speaks more about you than it does about the person who has undergone the surgery.

They clearly feel more comfortable in their skin after having the procedures.

Why are you 'put off' and why do you even care that someone has had cosmetic surgery?

LookItsMeAgain · 22/09/2023 16:08

Can I ask you @RedCrumbs whether you wear high heel shoes to change your height or wear make up or use support underwear at all?

All of these are temporary but they change how women present themselves to the world.

He must have been unhappy with his appearance before undergoing surgery and now he feels better. If I were him, I would ditch you and move on to someone who doesn't give a shit whether someone has had surgery to their appearance.

That's just my opinion though.

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