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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Benefits reduction

1000 replies

Bonsaitreepic · 22/09/2023 08:49

I got my UC payment today. Just checked and it’s almost £300 less than usual. This is because my oldest is now classed as an adult as he’s left ft education. He’s not currently in work.
I have 3 other children but now I seemingly only get support for 2 of them due to the child cap.
Im freaking out. I only get maintenance for one of the children as I have the other 2 50/50 with their dad. I cannot afford to lose this much money every month. I was already struggling as it was. I’m unable to work just yet as one of the children has complex needs. I already get some DLA for them.
im quite sure there’s nothing I can do about this but I’m so worried

OP posts:
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Emz6103 · 23/09/2023 22:57

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FlipFlop1987 · 23/09/2023 22:58

You won’t get a lot of sympathy on here when there’s an adult who can work but isn’t so you’re both relying on benefits to scrape by. There is no shame in just taking whatever is available to get you through till you decide on a career. I worked in a shoe shop whilst doing my A levels and a bookies whilst doing undergrad and masters degrees. That might actually suit your son if he likes sport because you can watch as much as you want the whole shift!
It’s a real advantage on Uni/job applications if you have a PT job to show that you can balance workloads and carry responsibility.

Emz6103 · 23/09/2023 23:04

PinkMoscatoLover · 23/09/2023 21:46

How is that the truth? It’s laughable when people make comments like, ‘just because you have a child with additional needs doesn’t mean that you can’t work.’ Do you know what it’s like to have children and one (or multiple) have a disability?

Just to give you an insight, my son has a rare genetic disorder which only 600 people in the world have. He’s 17 months old and spent some time in NICU. His care team consists of the dietician, physio, salt, OT, upper limb clinic which is also apart of OT, ophthalmology, paediatrician and that’s just off the top of my head. I’m sure I missed some. He has weekly appointments and I haven’t even mentioned his day to day care that’s needed.

My 2 year old then has Autism. The girl barely sleeps, barely eats and is non verbal. I won’t even get into the fact that I’m taking the council to tribunal to get my daughter the help she actually needs. All of this and I still manage to work twice a week. My son’s paediatrician actually advised me to not work because I have so much stress to deal with day to day.

Life is not easy for those that have children with disabilities. Some have it easier than others and I’m sure many more have it worse than me. If you can’t understand why someone in my position may not be able to work then it’s a good thing the government thinks differently and doesn’t expect carers to work!

No one asked you to keep having children!! You had an autistic daughter then went on to have another child? Now you EXPECT everyone else to pay for your children because you can't work then shout at everyone because it's hard for you! Why didn't you stick with one if she hardly sleeps why add another child?

PinkMoscatoLover · 23/09/2023 23:10

Emz6103 · 23/09/2023 23:04

No one asked you to keep having children!! You had an autistic daughter then went on to have another child? Now you EXPECT everyone else to pay for your children because you can't work then shout at everyone because it's hard for you! Why didn't you stick with one if she hardly sleeps why add another child?

Calm down. I work part time and if you read my post properly then you would have picked up on that. I previously worked 3 days a week, couldn’t manage with all of my son’s appointments so went down to 2 days a week. I was explaining to the poster WHY someone with a similar situation to me may not be able to balance work.

My toddlers have an 11 month age gap. Do you seriously think I had any inclination that she was going to be Autistic? By the time I had concerns about her, she was 18/19 months old. DS was already born so what did you expect me to do? Send him back to sender or something? My DD slept absolutely fine up until 22 months old. Again, DS was already here.

Was there any concern about DS during pregnancy? No. Concerns were only raised on the day that he was born and he was diagnosed at 3 months old after having genetic testing done. Again, what would you have liked me to do once I found out he had a severe disability?

I don’t expect anyone to do anything for me. I work just like you probably do regardless of whether it’s full time or part time. The poster I quoted agreed with a comment that’s now been deleted and I explained my situation in order to show further detail into someone’s life who has children with disabilities.

Go froth on someone else’s post🤞

Emz6103 · 23/09/2023 23:18

Fluff3 · 23/09/2023 21:26

I dont mean to be rude, and I do understand your situation because I am also struggling to pay bills, but a lot of FT workers who dont claim benefits have also lost similar amounts of money, due to the current cost of livng, and nobody cares a damn about them.

A good friend of mine who works FT as a nurse, last winter couldnt afford to turn her heating on or pay her council tax. She is currently facing court action. She is dreading this winter. She has 2 young kids. Yet your complaining that your benefits, a luxury you get from tax payers, from, workers who are also struggling to pay their bills, has been cut. You probally earn more money than a lot of people do working FT. Me personally would love to have £50 spare a month to have as "pocket money". Im lucky if I break evan.

As people above have suggested, your son needs to get a job. My 18 year old son is currently in a FT university course and working 30 hours a week in a pub. He understands life is expensive, and to fund it he needs to earn his keep. My 16 year old daughter also has a PT job to fit around her schooling, as does most of her friends. You could also get a PT job. You state you share your children 50/50 with your ex. The 50% of time you dont have them, you could work. Yes its hard, yes you dont have any time to yourself, but how do you think other parents manage ?. Children copy their parents, if they see you not working and getting paid the privilage of doing so, they will as well. Set them an example

In a few years time, all your children will be grown up. Your benefits will stop. Your children will more than likely move out. You will be left alone with no job, no benefits and an empty house, what will you do then ?

This☝️MN seems to have a very high proportion of single mothers with more children than they can afford and at least one with SEN! Where are the fathers? Vanished? I've every excuse under the sun about why these women can't work and rather than chase up the fathers they EXPECT everyone else to pay for them some getting child benefit universal credit and full PIP that's around £35,000 a year! They are like a pack of wolves if anyone should question why they get so much money shouting about how they deserve every penny because it's hard looking after them all!!not one mention about where the father is or why he's not paying or helping.onw lady on here defending every penny of her enormous benefits because she has an autistic child that never sleeps then went on to have another child who has a genetic disorder!! Expects sympathy as well as a hefty cheque every month......

Beezknees · 23/09/2023 23:24

Emz6103 · 23/09/2023 23:18

This☝️MN seems to have a very high proportion of single mothers with more children than they can afford and at least one with SEN! Where are the fathers? Vanished? I've every excuse under the sun about why these women can't work and rather than chase up the fathers they EXPECT everyone else to pay for them some getting child benefit universal credit and full PIP that's around £35,000 a year! They are like a pack of wolves if anyone should question why they get so much money shouting about how they deserve every penny because it's hard looking after them all!!not one mention about where the father is or why he's not paying or helping.onw lady on here defending every penny of her enormous benefits because she has an autistic child that never sleeps then went on to have another child who has a genetic disorder!! Expects sympathy as well as a hefty cheque every month......

I work full time but I am a lone parent and I've been trying to get DS's father to pay his share for 15 years. The government don't give a fuck if absent dads don't pay, what do you suggest we do in that case? Please tell me how I can force my child's father to pay, I'd love to hear your magic solution that I haven't tried in the past 15 years!

PinkMoscatoLover · 23/09/2023 23:30

@Emz6103

onw lady on here defending every penny of her enormous benefits because she has an autistic child that never sleeps then went on to have another child who has a genetic disorder!! Expects sympathy as well as a hefty cheque every month......

Why are you so angry?! I’d love to know more about the enormous benefit and heft cheque that I get every month? It’s funny how you’re adding in your own information just so it can fit your narrative. You don’t know how much UC I get and I can guarantee that it is not an enormous amount.

Why would I expect sympathy from anyone on here? I WORK TWO DAYS A WEEK. How about you read my response back to you before you start chatting shit about how and why I had my disabled children. Idiot

PinkMoscatoLover · 23/09/2023 23:32

@Emz6103
I’d also love to see where I said I’m a single parent? I know you love to benefit bash as it makes you sleep easier at night but I’m really not the one

OvertakenByLego · 23/09/2023 23:32

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You haven’t got a clue.

Anyway, people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Someone moaning about others receiving UC when they are getting UC and working less than 16 hrs pw is strange.

salsmum · 23/09/2023 23:39

When my adult DD who is disabled lived at home I was only allowed to earn £100 a week before any amount over was deducted from my carers allowance benefit IF my DD went into hospital even though I'd provide her care 24-7 as a 'stay in parent' I spent a lot of money extra on food for us both and other 'London expenses' the AA benefit would be deducted for the time DD spent in hospital because I wasn't caring for her at home ( they said the hospital would be providing her full time care). Sadly with nursing shortages etc... they didn't even have time to support her with eating and drinking let alone anything else. Many families with a SN child/adult are living below the poverty line it's truly shocking.

Sixdaysleft · 23/09/2023 23:46

You are happy to take benefits from the taxpayer but not to have more of your son's UC which he receives for sitting on his backside. There are lots of jobs out there, perhaps suggests he takes anything to get some work experience? Why is he not working?

Jayne35 · 23/09/2023 23:47

If you want to find the biggest “takers” in society, look up not down.

From where? I live on a council estate and a lot of the ‘takers’ appear to be the ‘can’t be bothered’ lot. Parents on benefits breeding children with the same mindset! It’s a very sad situation.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 23/09/2023 23:55

Christ the eugenicists are out in force tonight…. 😳

Emz6103 · 23/09/2023 23:59

OvertakenByLego · 23/09/2023 23:32

You haven’t got a clue.

Anyway, people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Someone moaning about others receiving UC when they are getting UC and working less than 16 hrs pw is strange.

Im not moaning about it, I'm merely stating that people are in fact paid enough from the government and shouldn't be on here moaning about loosing benefits or moaning about having disabled children and how hard it is. Or the fact that those people EXPECT us to pay for their disabled children because they can't work. People should be grateful for every penny they receive from the government as I am and I'm certainly not on here moaning about how hard my life is.i don't care what people get money wise but it annoys me when people say it's not much and winge about how hard their lives are. I'll bet you've never read a comment from me winging about how my benefits are not enough or how hard my life is as I'm grateful for every penny. People are always moaning about their disabled kids and how hard it is......however it's their kids and they need to get on with it....like the rest of us. It's not about their benefits it's about their attitude towards their entitlement. I know it's worth £35,000 + with child benefit universal credit and a disabled child as there was a thread on here where the mother was "shocked at the amount of benefits" she was getting the equivalent of someone earning £50,000 after tax!! So I'd say £35,000 was a modest estimate. People said a variety of things but one thing stood out...... single mothers defending the amount because their lives were so hard and exhausting.....their sense of entitlement was shocking!!

OvertakenByLego · 24/09/2023 00:03

Emz6103 · 23/09/2023 23:59

Im not moaning about it, I'm merely stating that people are in fact paid enough from the government and shouldn't be on here moaning about loosing benefits or moaning about having disabled children and how hard it is. Or the fact that those people EXPECT us to pay for their disabled children because they can't work. People should be grateful for every penny they receive from the government as I am and I'm certainly not on here moaning about how hard my life is.i don't care what people get money wise but it annoys me when people say it's not much and winge about how hard their lives are. I'll bet you've never read a comment from me winging about how my benefits are not enough or how hard my life is as I'm grateful for every penny. People are always moaning about their disabled kids and how hard it is......however it's their kids and they need to get on with it....like the rest of us. It's not about their benefits it's about their attitude towards their entitlement. I know it's worth £35,000 + with child benefit universal credit and a disabled child as there was a thread on here where the mother was "shocked at the amount of benefits" she was getting the equivalent of someone earning £50,000 after tax!! So I'd say £35,000 was a modest estimate. People said a variety of things but one thing stood out...... single mothers defending the amount because their lives were so hard and exhausting.....their sense of entitlement was shocking!!

You are moaning. Carers save the country a fortune. They do ‘get on with it’.

Emz6103 · 24/09/2023 00:11

OvertakenByLego · 24/09/2023 00:03

You are moaning. Carers save the country a fortune. They do ‘get on with it’.

Carers? You mean parents? How do carers save the country a fortune? Since when have parents looking after their own children been carers? How does parents looking after their own children whilst claiming benefits save the country a fortune? You mean as opposed to parents abandoning their disabled kids for the state to look after? I don't understand how it saves the country a fortune or why it would cost this country (us) a fortune.....

OvertakenByLego · 24/09/2023 00:19

Showing your ignorance again. Parents can be carers. Legislation calls them parent carers. Carers, including parent-carers, save the country a fortune because if they didn’t provide care to the extent they do (no, not necessarily abandoning Hmm) it would cost the state far more. CA is a measly £76.75 per week for at least 35 hours of care (although many do much more, sometimes caring for more than one person). That is, at the most, £2.19ph. It would cost a heck of a lot more to fund the care. (Yes, some carers also receive UC, but not all).

ErinBell01 · 24/09/2023 00:23

My son paid £50 a month rent to me in 1997 and I thought I was being lenient! You need to take far more off him than £50! Calculator says £116pm. I'm sure it includes all food, drink and laundry as well as his bed for the night. How much would that include on a commercial basis? He should only be left with a wee bit of pocket money - he needs a good incentive to get a job. Even if it's not what he wants to do it's not important, a job is a job and that's what he needs. Don't be so pathetic with him, why should you expect the tax payer to pay for his entertainment?

Emz6103 · 24/09/2023 00:25

MistressoftheDarkSide · 23/09/2023 23:55

Christ the eugenicists are out in force tonight…. 😳

What a strange comment why do you think the eugenicists are out in force? Do you actually know what the word means? Or that your vaccines are funded by the big eugenicists of our time? Bill gates,the Rockefellers and was heavily pushed by prince Charles, Stanley and Boris Johnson who are also some of the most serious eugenicists the world has ever seen......did you know that Stanley Johnson wrote a book called Marburg the virus? Was also interviewed in the 80s about the eugenics society and said that by 2025 there would only be 15 million people living in UK! When Boris Johnson was London mayor he said he was worried about overpopulation and was going to address the issue ..........So was it pure coincidence that his son managed to make it to PM exactly the same time as a virus hit and brought out a genetic untested vaccine.....to save us all? Or to address the "problem"? It's not the eugenicists on here you need to worry about...

PinkMoscatoLover · 24/09/2023 00:32

@Emz6103 How funny that you haven’t responded to ANY of my comments back to you. Shows exactly what type of person you are

PinkMoscatoLover · 24/09/2023 00:47

Someone moaning about others receiving UC when they are getting UC and working less than 16 hrs pw is strange.

Hahahaha yep so true. It makes no sense

Stanleygirl · 24/09/2023 03:22

Funny how you lot can’t stand the truth isn’t it!! 😂

Stanleygirl · 24/09/2023 03:31

i see every day where money is being spent if you want to be blindsided by the government trying to cover up the can’t work won’t work society then that’s up to you!
I certainly consider myself smart at 48 owning 4 properties and giving my children a fantastic work ethic……. enjoy being oblivious 😘

Keet1963 · 24/09/2023 05:59

If your son signs up for an agency, he will be working next day.

Ozarkz · 24/09/2023 06:35

Keet1963 · 24/09/2023 05:59

If your son signs up for an agency, he will be working next day.

Agree with this. My son signed upto an agency and got a temp reception job at a huge international company. 3 years later he’s still there having been offered a permanent job and then promoted twice. He’s now got an excellent career and very healthy income.

To be fair though he’s worked since he was 13 and went to university at 18 which probably helped. OP you are doing your son no favours allowing him to be a bum. Why on earth are you paying his phone bill when you’re struggling to pay your own bills?? Stop being so soft. You’re not helping him.

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