Page 29 | Benefits reduction

Bonsaitreepic · 2023-09-22T07:49:40+00:00

I got my UC payment today. Just checked and it’s almost £300 less than usual. This is because my oldest is now classed as an adult as he’s left ft education. He’s not currently in work. I have 3 other children but now I seemingly only get support for 2 of them due to the child cap. Im freaking out. I only get maintenance for one of the children as I have the other 2 50/50 with their dad. I cannot afford to lose this much money every month. I was already struggling as it was. I’m unable to work just yet as one of the children has complex needs. I already get some DLA for them. im quite sure there’s nothing I can do about this but I’m so worried

Princessandthepea0 · 22/09/2023 21:07

fluffyguineapig · 22/09/2023 21:03

I asked you how you did it and you said that you worked full time (40 hours) studied full time (apparently really quickly, doing 30 hours in 15 hours - then changed it to one hour!) and only had 30 hours away from your children a week, and you just didn't sleep. Well done, but it's not any advice that's helpful for anyone else!

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I told you how I did it. @Secondwindplease explained too. Not my fault you presumed full-time study is 30 odd hours. On paper it is. I was doing about 15 hours a week max. Maybe more when assignments were due. Some weeks (at level 1) I’d fly through my module work in an hour. I have been quite clear. You’ve been so busy trying to tie me up in knots to prove a point you’ve lost track of what I said and what you presumed. I hope it’s been a productive evening for you. Online distance leaning absolutely is an option for everyone else wanting to better long term prospects.

TheSquareMile · 22/09/2023 21:07

Bonsaitreepic · 22/09/2023 16:30

Sorry for the delay. I haven’t read all the replies(there’s quite a lot!)
when he was doing his A levels he had a pt job in a restaurant. He was there about 2 years but he left a few months ago. Too many staff, not enough customers.

Edited

Which subjects are his A Levels in?

Does he have any leanings towards any particular careers? University?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 22/09/2023 21:07

Firstly, your DS needs to get himself a job. Secondly, if you lost £300/ month when he left full time education, then that’s what you need to take off him. Did you give him £200/ month for his own leisure spending previously? It doesn’t sound like it tbh. It sounds as if you needed that money to make ends meet. If he wants money to spend on luxuries, then he needs to work for them. Believe me, nothing focuses the mind on finding a job you enjoy more than working in one that you don’t.

fluffyguineapig · 22/09/2023 21:10

Princessandthepea0 · 22/09/2023 21:07

I told you how I did it. @Secondwindplease explained too. Not my fault you presumed full-time study is 30 odd hours. On paper it is. I was doing about 15 hours a week max. Maybe more when assignments were due. Some weeks (at level 1) I’d fly through my module work in an hour. I have been quite clear. You’ve been so busy trying to tie me up in knots to prove a point you’ve lost track of what I said and what you presumed. I hope it’s been a productive evening for you. Online distance leaning absolutely is an option for everyone else wanting to better long term prospects.

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You're still saying that you did 55+ hours a week with only 30 hours of child-free time and you just didn't sleep. It's great that you did that, but to tell other mothers of disabled children that they should just do what you did isn't helpful. I hope it's been a productive evening for you too!

Bellatrixxx · 22/09/2023 21:13

This post is just absurd and an example of why the benefits system doesn’t work because of expectations like yours op.
Why on earth should hard working tax payers struggling to make ends meet pay your son pocket money to be a fussy eater and have a nice time and then pay again for you to house and provide for him.
We are all on our knees in this climate. You need a reality check and he needs a job.

NoMor · 22/09/2023 21:15

When my son got to an age where his benefits stopped I also lost £300. Instead of charging him a token amount, he had to pay the actual amount it cost me to have him there. That wasn't the full £300 as he then bought his own clothes but if he costs you £250 a month, you charge him £250 a month. Benefits are not free money for socialising, they are to cover your basic living costs. If he wants money for going out and having fun he has to get a job.

Zanatdy · 22/09/2023 21:22

It’s crazy you can’t ask him for that money when you’re now short of living costs. As others have said benefits money isn’t meant to be for spending on clothes and expensive takeouts etc as he’s too fussy to eat family meals. I’d be taking at least half, he’s a young fit adult and can work full time.

MissTrip82 · 22/09/2023 21:27

I’d be so disappointed if my kid did this. Left one job without another, left education without securing employment. Totally at odds with our family ethos.

He can’t afford a crossroads, he can’t afford to be thinking through his options. He MUST work. Few households can afford to carry a non-working adult. The expectation that the responsibility for supporting him is the community’s not his own is appalling,

He can work in a supermarket and plan his next steps.

reluctantlogin · 22/09/2023 21:37

Shop him

Chocolatepopcorn · 22/09/2023 21:40

Bellatrixxx · 22/09/2023 21:13

This post is just absurd and an example of why the benefits system doesn’t work because of expectations like yours op.
Why on earth should hard working tax payers struggling to make ends meet pay your son pocket money to be a fussy eater and have a nice time and then pay again for you to house and provide for him.
We are all on our knees in this climate. You need a reality check and he needs a job.

This nails it.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 22/09/2023 22:14

Bellatrixxx · 22/09/2023 21:13

This post is just absurd and an example of why the benefits system doesn’t work because of expectations like yours op.
Why on earth should hard working tax payers struggling to make ends meet pay your son pocket money to be a fussy eater and have a nice time and then pay again for you to house and provide for him.
We are all on our knees in this climate. You need a reality check and he needs a job.

The op wasn't expecting the money for her eldest to continue as such what she expected was for that money to then be allocated towards her youngest who she doesn't get uc for. It doesn't because of the 2 child cap which shouldn't exist.

Disabled children come in all ranges of abilities. Some need say 1 check up every 6 months require no additional care, others however need 24 hour care.

FijiSea · 22/09/2023 22:33

Caterpillarsleftfoot · 22/09/2023 19:24

I think you need to look for work. You have already set the example for your eldest of a life on benefits. Change that for the younger ones.

This …
set examples

Gerrataere · 22/09/2023 23:12

FijiSea · 22/09/2023 22:33

This …
set examples

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Can’t decided if people replying to this thread either can’t read properly or really are just that ignorant…

FijiSea · 22/09/2023 23:14

@Gerrataere I’ve read the full thread
and can read properly.

Gerrataere · 22/09/2023 23:17

FijiSea · 22/09/2023 23:14

@Gerrataere I’ve read the full thread
and can read properly.

So just ignorant then, suggesting a woman who is a carer for a child with complex needs should set aside her responsibility to her disabled kid because someone on Mumsnet thinks getting a MW job is more important than anything. Even if it defies common sense or even correct care.

What advice do you have for the OP in terms for care for their disabled child whilst they’re out ‘setting an example’?

FijiSea · 22/09/2023 23:24

@Gerrataere to work is to set an example…
I am not ignorant , I work . I have never mentioned “ setting aside responsibility “
I believe everyone should work where possible .

The crux of this thread is young people not taking real responsibility and working.

Gerrataere · 22/09/2023 23:30

FijiSea · 22/09/2023 23:24

@Gerrataere to work is to set an example…
I am not ignorant , I work . I have never mentioned “ setting aside responsibility “
I believe everyone should work where possible .

The crux of this thread is young people not taking real responsibility and working.

But the op has said it is not possible for them to be in paid employment at the moment due to her caring duties to her disabled child. So what example are you suggesting she gives under these circumstances?

It is about a young person not working, certainly. But it’s derailed into the usual benefit frothers making huge assumptions about the original poster, thrown personal insults, let loose that big old chip on their shoulders whilst skimming over or making really naff personal points about living as a carer. At the moment the op can’t work. It doesn’t mean she didn’t used to or isn’t hoping to eventually be in a position to return to work.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/09/2023 23:37

Please just fuck right off if you have no experience of giving birth to a disabled /complex needs child. My lovely city salary went right out the window as did working full stop when it happened to me at 42 years old! I am sickened by some of the comments on this thread. Walk that mile and then see how your judgemental comments are useful. You have no idea.

OP, in your situation, I'd say your son needs to hand over his UC aside from a a little pocket money. He needs to find a job, any job, to get him on the treadmill and then while he's doing that he can work on what he'd love to do. Help him with a CV or find somebody who can. You can't support an adult and I hope that at some point you're able to find a way to have a life for yourself and some decent earnings. I'm nearly there after a lot of sacrifice. My eldest child finished her degree that is useful in a fairly difficult and competitive industry. While she tries to find a suitable role, she's taken her part time job to full time so she's earning a decent wage. I wish you lots of luck and encourage you to encourage your boy to take that step forward that will benefit him immensely. My "needs" child is now 12 and well supported so I'm tentatively finding my own feet, yet even my voluntary work is frequently interrupted because care is required. Keep on keeping on

Thatladdo · 22/09/2023 23:39

College / Apprenticeship / Employment = good
Hoovering up state welfare = bad

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/09/2023 23:39

FijiSea · 22/09/2023 23:24

@Gerrataere to work is to set an example…
I am not ignorant , I work . I have never mentioned “ setting aside responsibility “
I believe everyone should work where possible .

The crux of this thread is young people not taking real responsibility and working.

You did answer the question though.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/09/2023 23:39

DIDN'T

jazzyfips · 23/09/2023 00:02

Willyoujustbequiet · 22/09/2023 20:54

Then they must be independently wealthy in some way to be able to pay for help or have a large amount of family support as God knows there's none from the broken system we have.

But quite frankly as a mum of kids with complex needs I simply don't believe you. Not sure how anyone is physically able to when they have to care throughout the night. Maybe they have developed super powers and can dispense with basic human need for sleep.

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I know several parents of children with severe disabilities and they all work too. I also have worked in the area of disability for many years and there is a mindset difference between parent that work and those that don’t. It’s not a systemic issue.

Naddd · 23/09/2023 00:19

Presumably you kept the child element/cb when you were receiving it?

So why would he now need £200?

You are struggling, in tears, yet feel bad taking money from your son??

I'd b taking the £200 n as a goodwill gesture maybe allow him to keep the £50!

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/09/2023 00:22

@jazzyfips Mindset? Wow. I can assure you that giving up your job to care for a disabled child is not a "mindset" thing. With no suitable care for that child (and believe me I tried!), no family, and a "D"H who fucked off with an OW because "family life wasn't for him", I had no choice but to stay at home. Further, how many employers will tolerate multiple calls from school and leave for appointments and medical issues. I mean you're experienced in the world of disability, so please tell me how?

beeswaxinc · 23/09/2023 01:18

Bellatrixxx · 22/09/2023 21:13

This post is just absurd and an example of why the benefits system doesn’t work because of expectations like yours op.
Why on earth should hard working tax payers struggling to make ends meet pay your son pocket money to be a fussy eater and have a nice time and then pay again for you to house and provide for him.
We are all on our knees in this climate. You need a reality check and he needs a job.

How on earth is this an example of how the "benefit system doesn't work" when the* *OP has said she literally can't get by without that money?

Just because the money is currently being used that way because it has been paid directly to the son doesn't mean it's actually workable or sustainable, clearly..