Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To name and shame on SM ?

33 replies

NameandShame · 21/09/2023 22:05

I’m after some advice, really I just want to see if anybody can see a flaw in this plan as to how it might backfire.

I worked for somebody in 2018 for literally three weeks.
He sent me some sleazy messages I strongly suspect his wife found them and I got sacked.
When I say sacked, I was actually working on a commission only basis.

I finally received my commission after threatening to take them to court three months later.
And in the settlement for one of a better description, I insisted on putting a clause that there must be no further disparaging comments on social media with regards to myself.
They replied with obviously, that would work both ways to which I agreed.
They have not kept to their side at all. But not gone as far as to ever use my name, so anybody who knows me within the industry knows exactly who they are talking about. But they’ve never actually typed my name if that makes sense.

I’ve got no recourse against these people.
I do, however, have the sleazy text messages.
If I published them, I think I would get a lot of support.
I am so tempted, but can anybody see an issue further along the line? There would be no point in me publishing them without naming who they’re from.

OP posts:
IHateCornerBaths · 21/09/2023 22:08

Do you think the industry would see you as a prospective employee, or take you seriously, if you stooped to their level?
Could you not go down the cease and desist route?

Original poster
NameandShame · 21/09/2023 22:09

IHateCornerBaths · 21/09/2023 22:08

Do you think the industry would see you as a prospective employee, or take you seriously, if you stooped to their level?
Could you not go down the cease and desist route?

That is my concern. I’m absolutely not in the wrong. But yeah you’re right.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 21/09/2023 22:16

I think you need to talk to a solicitor

Original poster
NameandShame · 21/09/2023 22:17

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 21/09/2023 22:16

I think you need to talk to a solicitor

On the one hand, I know you’re right, on the other hand I don’t have the energy or the finances.

OP posts:
PostOpOp · 22/09/2023 03:54

Do you mean that you did 3 weeks work and 5 years later they're still badmouthing you on SM? That seems utterly ridiculous - I believe you, I mean the behaviour RCC is ridiculous. If that's the caseId definitely speak to a lawyer about possible actions. If people in the industry will know it's you, it's undoubtedly had an impact on your work/who has engaged you?

SunshineAndFizz · 22/09/2023 04:00

Of course you shouldn't. If you've signed a contract they could legally demand the money back from you if it was a term related to them paying you.

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 04:08

Do you honestly think doing this is ok?

herstorynotmine · 22/09/2023 04:22

"so anybody who knows me within the industry knows exactly who they are talking about." - in all this time, has anyone in your industry ever mentioned the comments to you or asked about the situation?

If not, then I suspect you are reading too much into the comments and the importance of them to your peers. Or if someone has asked, I would have a stock-ready answer, which is very factual along the lines of 'I did some work for XYZ in 2018. It ended up in an out-of-court settlement. Yes, I have seen the comments, but I don't engage with XYZ on social media or face to face.'

The alternative is to share the details with the biggest gossip in your industry - every industry has one - and then let them tell everyone else.... (seriously though do not do this!)

Original poster
NameandShame · 22/09/2023 07:50

herstorynotmine · 22/09/2023 04:22

"so anybody who knows me within the industry knows exactly who they are talking about." - in all this time, has anyone in your industry ever mentioned the comments to you or asked about the situation?

If not, then I suspect you are reading too much into the comments and the importance of them to your peers. Or if someone has asked, I would have a stock-ready answer, which is very factual along the lines of 'I did some work for XYZ in 2018. It ended up in an out-of-court settlement. Yes, I have seen the comments, but I don't engage with XYZ on social media or face to face.'

The alternative is to share the details with the biggest gossip in your industry - every industry has one - and then let them tell everyone else.... (seriously though do not do this!)

Yes, as luck would have it. People do send me the screenshots because I’ve blocked them obviously a long time ago.

So people not only know that it’s me that they’re talking about, but they’re concerned about me enough to send me these screenshots.

OP posts:
smallshinybutton · 22/09/2023 07:51

See a solicitor

Original poster
NameandShame · 22/09/2023 07:52

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 04:08

Do you honestly think doing this is ok?

Well it wasn’t okay for him to send me the sleazy messages. It wasn’t okay for her to sack me after reading them and it’s not okay for him to still be bad mouthing me five years later because he’s embarrassed that he’s behaviour but yeah I can totally see how I’m the one that’s out of order here , of course.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 22/09/2023 07:52

I think you should see a solicitor and get Them to send a cease and desist Letter.

Pottomous2 · 22/09/2023 07:54

They are trying to bate you into acting against them. Block them on social media and move on.

piscofrisco · 22/09/2023 07:56

Could you publish the messages with the names redacted and just say in light of the Russel brand case it's bought to mind a situation you were put in yourself x years ago (when you worked for this firm which anyone could check on your linked in history! Then you are just doing the same as them surely?

herstorynotmine · 22/09/2023 08:27

Then yes, I'd see a solicitor. If people have screenshot and sent them to you, it could be argued that they are identifying so they are breaching the settlement. It would cost some money of course but hopefully fairly straightforward. Obviously, they are baiting you but keep the moral high ground. Industries are small worlds, if they are being arses to you then chances are most people know they are arses. Equally, if you behave calmly, people will see that.

Original poster
NameandShame · 22/09/2023 08:47

Thank you

OP posts:
HakunaMatiłda · 22/09/2023 08:57

I’d ask yourself this - what do you hope to achieve, and what is the worst that could happen from all this?

Could this trigger the other party to escalate? Would that make things worse for you?

Conkersinautumn · 22/09/2023 09:03

I do think seeing a solicitor about this, I realise it's an effort and that it is a cost. But if it is damaging your reputation ultimately its financially justifiable. Some sort of, come to attention of us that you're making wildly inaccurate claims because of messages attached on social media despite agreement to not disclose its not blackmail but the implication is clear. Shut up or these accidentally find their way into the public domain.
Was your phone stolen op?

Original poster
NameandShame · 22/09/2023 09:08

HakunaMatiłda · 22/09/2023 08:57

I’d ask yourself this - what do you hope to achieve, and what is the worst that could happen from all this?

Could this trigger the other party to escalate? Would that make things worse for you?

I think the worst thing in my mind would be if I published those messages and people thought they were fine. They were okay. And that he’s not a sleazy disgusting piece of shit. His wife was literally lying upstairs in bed post Caesarean managing her three month old and one year-old at the time.. I completely get why she went bananas

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 22/09/2023 09:21

I'd be tempted to play hard-ball. Save for a lawyer (or arrange for a union rep, if appropriate - could you join a general one?), demand a meeting, take the agreement you signed re social media, show them the screenshots you've been sent and tell them they need to post a public statement that previous posts were not about you with apologies for any inconvenience caused. I'd also make it clear that if they don't comply you will be posting the messages he sent you, with his name removed, but they'll know damn well people will make the link.

He's clearly told her you were the one coming onto him and their little vendetta against you is all about him proving it.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 22/09/2023 09:25

Don't do this. You have no idea how they would retaliate and this could blow up even more than it is. Get legal advice. It might be expensive as a one off but maybe a carefully worded letter or some other action might shut them up and you then would not be going through all this stress.

Don't stoop top their level, it would not make you look good.

Janieforever · 22/09/2023 09:26

I also think legal advice. I really wouldn’t advise you to publish, that will just cause you more damage. And they may respond saying it wasn’t one sided in real life.

Canisaysomething · 22/09/2023 09:37

Why bother with social media? Go big and get a solicitor involved and sue them. That's the kind of gossip you want to travel around, not a petty post from you on social media. Show this company you won't be messed with, they've treated you hiddeously.

Canisaysomething · 22/09/2023 09:39

Actually sue them and then write a full journal spread in your industry journal about the whole thing once it's settled. Make it as big as possible. It could be your industry's #metoo moment!

Original poster
NameandShame · 22/09/2023 09:40

Canisaysomething · 22/09/2023 09:39

Actually sue them and then write a full journal spread in your industry journal about the whole thing once it's settled. Make it as big as possible. It could be your industry's #metoo moment!

You’re absolutely right I love that

OP posts: