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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To name and shame on SM ?

33 replies

NameandShame · 21/09/2023 22:05

I’m after some advice, really I just want to see if anybody can see a flaw in this plan as to how it might backfire.

I worked for somebody in 2018 for literally three weeks.
He sent me some sleazy messages I strongly suspect his wife found them and I got sacked.
When I say sacked, I was actually working on a commission only basis.

I finally received my commission after threatening to take them to court three months later.
And in the settlement for one of a better description, I insisted on putting a clause that there must be no further disparaging comments on social media with regards to myself.
They replied with obviously, that would work both ways to which I agreed.
They have not kept to their side at all. But not gone as far as to ever use my name, so anybody who knows me within the industry knows exactly who they are talking about. But they’ve never actually typed my name if that makes sense.

I’ve got no recourse against these people.
I do, however, have the sleazy text messages.
If I published them, I think I would get a lot of support.
I am so tempted, but can anybody see an issue further along the line? There would be no point in me publishing them without naming who they’re from.

OP posts:
HakunaMatiłda · 22/09/2023 09:41

NameandShame · 22/09/2023 09:08

I think the worst thing in my mind would be if I published those messages and people thought they were fine. They were okay. And that he’s not a sleazy disgusting piece of shit. His wife was literally lying upstairs in bed post Caesarean managing her three month old and one year-old at the time.. I completely get why she went bananas

And now compare that outcome vs the best that could happen. Is it worth it?

NameandShame · 22/09/2023 09:49

HakunaMatiłda · 22/09/2023 09:41

And now compare that outcome vs the best that could happen. Is it worth it?

It needs to stop though, doesn’t it?

I dropped it. I put down my bat in 2018. Obviously when I’ve been accused, I’ve denied things, stealing, for example, lying apparently.
But I haven’t gone out of my way to cause their business problems aside of being competitor.

I suppose I should take it as a compliment really that they consider me such a threat, but I absolutely do not. There’s enough business for everyone.

OP posts:
TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 22/09/2023 09:53

If they are accusing you of stealing/lying in a way that is identifying enough for others to recognise it as you, you need to take the legal option. That's the only way to do it without losing respect professionally.

TaigaSno · 22/09/2023 10:20

If its genuinely clear that their posts are about you then they have broken their own agreement and you should pursue that through legal action. There are ways to get free advice on this, such as Citizens Advice Bureau or through a trade union.

I would ask though, you were only there for three weeks, five years ago. Are you sure they are posting about you? I can't imagine in what sort of work or industry it would be relevant, or if interest to their audience, to post about a previous employees work years after they had left, when they had barely been there long enough to get much work done in the first place!

Regardless of that, to answer your question, no you shouldn't post about them. Doing that can only reflect badly on you and won't achieve what you want. Keep your own standards higher.

NameandShame · 22/09/2023 10:23

They literally state that I can’t say who her name is, but she’s definitely related to, and then they name a comedian with my surname. So yes, I’m absolutely certain

OP posts:
Janieforever · 22/09/2023 11:11

Op you need to save up or borrow and send a legal letter. If you’re being accused of theft. Then posting screenshots saying yeah but look he was sleazy isn’t going to help you. At all. It will just have everyone reaching for the popcorn, put more attention on it and look like deflection.

TaigaSno · 22/09/2023 11:11

Then I would say that does very clearly identify you, regardless of not using your first name they are using your surname. So they have broken their own terms and you can take legal action. Get some free legal advice as I posted above and pursue it.
If you post in retaliation you are pretty much endorsing that it's ok for both of you to do it. If you keep a dignified silence you can pursue it legally and I'd go for some sort of damage to reputation claim. Your evidence of this is not only their posts about you, but that people have screenshotted it and sent to you (proof that you are identifiable).
Start with Citizens Advice.

(Still baffled as to why they want to post about you years later!)

NameandShame · 22/09/2023 12:29

TaigaSno · 22/09/2023 11:11

Then I would say that does very clearly identify you, regardless of not using your first name they are using your surname. So they have broken their own terms and you can take legal action. Get some free legal advice as I posted above and pursue it.
If you post in retaliation you are pretty much endorsing that it's ok for both of you to do it. If you keep a dignified silence you can pursue it legally and I'd go for some sort of damage to reputation claim. Your evidence of this is not only their posts about you, but that people have screenshotted it and sent to you (proof that you are identifiable).
Start with Citizens Advice.

(Still baffled as to why they want to post about you years later!)

He is a fucking idiot there’s literally no other explanation. The wife, the brains of the outfit never says a word, which is fair enough.
He thinks he’s some sort of Joe Rogan type character.

I’m spectacularly, looking forward to biting him very hard.

As you say, it is identifiable.

OP posts:
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