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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask for shoes off in lounge?

31 replies

Shoesinthelounge · 21/09/2023 20:49

Will try to keep post brief, I have a newborn baby (a few days old). Invited my parents to come and see him, and had DH ask them at the door to remove shoes as we have a new rug in the living room that l want to keep clean and free of outdoor shoes for baby to sit on etc. - DM happily removes hers but DF walks past and leaves his on and goes into the lounge. DM tells him to take off shoes and he ignores her. I snap and tell him to remove them and keep off my rug, as he kept wandering over and stepping slightly onto it to reach over and touch baby. Unties shoes when I once again ask, as if he’s going to take them off- then keeps them on. He finally took them off when my mom asked him to again, because I wasn’t going to let him sit on the sofa by me after walking across the whole room in his outdoor trainers but he didn’t want to miss out on holding his grandson. It was a weird stubbornness that I don’t quite understand.

i know I’m hormonal from just giving birth but AIBU to find it hurtful that DF ignored such a simple request that would make me feel so much more comfortable in my home? I’m generally really laid back with guests in the house and DF knows this so I don’t know why he didn’t see that it was important to me that it was mentioned so swiftly and asked of him multiple times?

Parents are meant to be coming over for a few hours this weekend to keep me company and help with lifting (post c-section) and now I’m just worrying, thinking that if my dad can’t do something easy like take off his shoes when asked can I trust him if I’m out of the room to not do something else I’ve asked him not to do? DH is really upset on my behalf and frustrated that he was ignored. DF has not got a disability that would make removing his shoes difficult as obviously I’d be understanding in that situation!

AIBU to have insisted shoes come off in my living room?

OP posts:
Thementalloadisreal · 21/09/2023 20:53

How strange. Shoes off in other peoples houses is basic good manners/the norm generally. Does he wear shoes at home?
All I can think is maybe he has a medical foot problem he is shy about?
Could you gift him a nice new pair of slippers to keep at your house?

PleaseGiveMeBackMySummer · 21/09/2023 20:55

The views on this are always very polarised on Mumsnet, so I am settling down with some popcorn here. 🍿

singlemum93 · 21/09/2023 20:56

I would guess he was worried about his feet being smelly or something like that and was embarrassed maybe?

Rumplestrumpet · 21/09/2023 20:57

Rude of him but no need to dwell on it. I'd just send a jokey message saying "looking forward to seeing you dad - but are we gonna have another fight over taking off shoes?!?"

Splendour · 21/09/2023 20:57

I've been battling my ILs over this issue for years. It's usually FIL.

Best of luck op...

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 21/09/2023 20:58

Use your DF as good practice for boundary setting a toddler… no DF in this house we remove shoes please over and over again! Your house your rules

Rumplestrumpet · 21/09/2023 20:59

By the way I don't think shoes off inside is normal or standard in the UK - We've observed it for a few years since living overseas, but always wore shoes in the house as kids/teens and my parents probably thought we were weird at first when we asked them to remove their shoes at our house. They do in our home out of courtesy but not their own, and I don't think any of their friends do either

Janieforever · 21/09/2023 21:00

Well very odd he didn’t do it and very odd you’ve married someone equally weird who is now very upset.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Shoesinthelounge · 21/09/2023 21:02

@Janieforever I’m not sure why my husband is upset that my dad ignored him asking something on my behalf as I was in the next room? He asked really politely, and is always courteous to my dad- and was just trying to make sure having visitors was as little stress as possible. Don’t think that’s weird?

OP posts:
Shoesinthelounge · 21/09/2023 21:04

@Splendour ILs were super respectful weirdly! MIL has limited mobility so we didn’t ask her to remove shoes but she still offered to which was really sweet of her. Find it weird as my parents’ house is absolutely a no indoor shoes household

OP posts:
MadamWhiteleigh · 21/09/2023 21:04

Get your mum to have a word with him. She probably already has anyway.

StopGo · 21/09/2023 21:05

Your father has no respect for you or your family.

MidnightOnceMore · 21/09/2023 21:05

Find it weird as my parents’ house is absolutely a no indoor shoes household
This makes it very weird IMO, is your dad usually a PITA or is this unusual from him?

jlpth · 21/09/2023 21:05

yanbu.

reasonable, normal, everyday request

ignored by an arrogant man

if he had a foot problem that was worrying him, you're his daughter, he could have said. not like he was going somewhere random and there was embarassment.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 21/09/2023 21:06

It just sounds as if he doesn't like being told what to do. But YANBU. I like the suggestion of buying him some slippers to keep at yours.

Splendour · 21/09/2023 21:08

Could try rolling the rug up? If he's going to sneak past with shoes, at least stay off the rug and find somewhere to sit nicely - gahh!

AMuser · 21/09/2023 21:08

Rumplestrumpet · 21/09/2023 20:59

By the way I don't think shoes off inside is normal or standard in the UK - We've observed it for a few years since living overseas, but always wore shoes in the house as kids/teens and my parents probably thought we were weird at first when we asked them to remove their shoes at our house. They do in our home out of courtesy but not their own, and I don't think any of their friends do either

It kind of is now 9/10.

301963Laurie · 21/09/2023 21:10

Shoes off at front door.I automatically take shoes off when I go to anyone else’s house!

Butterkist8 · 21/09/2023 21:10

We never ask anyone to take their shoes off. Our twenty something children have never suffered.
We think it's rude to ask people to take their shoes off.

And our carpets are pristine.

Shoesinthelounge · 21/09/2023 21:16

@Thementalloadisreal Thats what is so weird to me, I was always raised by my parents to remove shoes at other peoples’ houses and they don’t wear shoes in their own house. It’s 100% not an issue of shyness with his feet as he lives in flip flops usually! 🙃

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 21/09/2023 21:18

Yanbu. Nobody comes into my lounge with shoes on since my baby was born and we got new carpet. When he was constantly crawling around I wasn't having shoes worn outside touching where he was crawling. I told everyone and said I would get them slippers. They all absolutely understood and got their own slippers to wear at mine.

Shoesinthelounge · 21/09/2023 21:52

The slipper suggestions are excellent and I think that’s how I’m going to approach it - message my mom and tell her his behaviour upset me and that I want him to come over and be comfortable so to bring slippers with him.

@Butterkist8 Curious why you find it rude to ask people to remove shoes, I always was taught it was rude to keep them on! We spent so long over the past few weeks nesting and contending with the carpet (old rental crappy carpet) but we have gotten it so clean and nice that I think it was just a bit soul destroying having to pick up bits and get mud up and out of it after he had gone. ☹️

OP posts:
Borborygmus · 21/09/2023 22:04

Well, I can't say I've ever been asked to remove my shoes in somebody else's house, but at the end of the day your house your rules.

Sigmama · 21/09/2023 22:07

Is it worth all the bother

Shoesinthelounge · 21/09/2023 22:27

@Sigmama it shouldn’t be a bother to take off your shoes when visiting your daughter’s house, surely??

OP posts: