Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for an invite to the party??

32 replies

User37652 · 21/09/2023 18:14

So my DD is 5, in reception at school. Her best friend is turning 5 in a couple of weeks. My DD keeps mentioning to me that she is going to best friend’s birthday party, but we haven’t been sent an invite. I feel so embarrassed even asking but should I send a message to her mum asking if my DD is invited to the party? I don’t even know if there is a party because this is all second hand information from a 5 year old!! On one hand, I don’t want my DD to miss out on her best friend’s party because the invite has been lost somewhere, on the other, maybe there is no party or she’s not invited which will be embarrassing for me to ask and her mum to have to tell me she’s not invited!
What do I do??

OP posts:
Sunshineclouds11 · 21/09/2023 18:15

Can you casually drop in convo asking what her DD is doing for her bday?

PlantDoctor · 21/09/2023 18:16

How well do you know the parents? Could you mention it casually, like "X keeps talking about Y's party. Do you know what gift you're getting her yet?". Perhaps you could guage reactions without mentioning the party directly?

WDIAROM · 21/09/2023 18:18

Perhaps just say to the parent something like ‘your DD seems excited about her birthday, she keeps telling my DD she’s having a party’ and see how she reacts.

Mumof2teens79 · 21/09/2023 18:23

This is common....I had to do it maybe 3 or 4 times.
Just message the mum...DD keeps telling me she is invited to Xs party, just checking if she has got muddled because I haven't seen an invite"

Once the reply was no, theres no party X is making things up, once the reply was I haven't sent invites yet. Once the reply was yes definitely the invites were given out (and we found it her her draw at school) I probably also had the one about not being invited/limited numbers....or have had to say that to someone else. Most people understand the limitations but it's much better for you to know and let DD down gently/distract than to ignore the situation and her be upset.

Positive41 · 21/09/2023 18:37

No, why would you ask?!

There might not even be a party.

You might not be invited

Stop looking so desperate and potentially putting the other mum in a difficult situation if your kid hasn't been invited.

newlystyle · 21/09/2023 18:41

Positive41 · 21/09/2023 18:37

No, why would you ask?!

There might not even be a party.

You might not be invited

Stop looking so desperate and potentially putting the other mum in a difficult situation if your kid hasn't been invited.

I wouldn't too. If you are invited you'll get an invite.

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 21/09/2023 18:41

Could you ask the teacher first?

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 21/09/2023 18:41

If they've given out invitations?

Reugny · 21/09/2023 18:45

As she is reception age just politely ask one of the other child's parents.

littlefireseverywhere · 21/09/2023 18:47

Don’t ask.

Widowsfire · 21/09/2023 18:52

I just say I'm really sorry to ask but DD is going on and on about friend's party. I haven't had any details, has DD imagined it?

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 19:14

I wouldn't ask. The other mum will be in contact if you've not RSVP'd.

I actually had a mum RSVP to DDs party once and the invite had been put in the wrong child's bag (totally different names so God knows how it happened and how she didn't notice) I had to say "sorry, there's been a mix up and she's not invited". I found it very awkward.

Luhou · 21/09/2023 19:22

Sure this isn't just playground talk? My DD 3 has invited her whole pre-school to "her party" regularly uninvites me and her dad when she's mad at us. We have no big party planned. A day out with her two close friends and family tea party.

I wouldn't ask.

Prinnny · 21/09/2023 19:22

Hmm how well do you know the mum? If she’s only just started reception hasn’t she only known the friend like 2 weeks? I don’t think I’d have the front to ask after just a couple weeks. If they’d known each other longer, like went to nursery together, and really were good friends then I might.

Tiredmum100 · 21/09/2023 19:23

I sent invitations with my son for his party a few years ago. I only had some responses, so I ended up texting parents to see if their children could attend. The parents said their children were talking about a party but they hadn't seen any invites. The children had left them in their drawers in school over the Christmas period. Some parents were texting to say they missed the invite after the Christmas holidays and party. I would probably say absolutely fine if dd is not invited, but she's talking about a party and you're just checking.

AliOlis · 21/09/2023 19:25

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 19:14

I wouldn't ask. The other mum will be in contact if you've not RSVP'd.

I actually had a mum RSVP to DDs party once and the invite had been put in the wrong child's bag (totally different names so God knows how it happened and how she didn't notice) I had to say "sorry, there's been a mix up and she's not invited". I found it very awkward.

Oh, wow. Couldn't you have just sucked it up, rather than tell a young kid that she'd been invited by mistake and she was now not to attend?
How could you?

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 21/09/2023 19:25

I asked once (actually after the mum had put a message in a class group
asking if everyone had received the invitation). The answer was “sorry we didn’t invite your DD”. It was really awkward.
If she is your DD bear friend though you’d think she would get one.

Scottishskifun · 21/09/2023 19:27

We have invites that get left in drawers/bags etc at preschool and had DS1 say similar.
In the end I just sent a WhatsApp and sais really sorry DS is convinced he's been invited to your DDs party on Saturday just wanted to check directly as not sure if it's just typical 4 year old chat! The mum was really nice and explained that her DDs birthday was on Saturday but the party wasn't for another month and she hadn't got invites out yet.

I don't think it's rude just to send a message to check.

What's rude is asking outright for an invite (which I have had before for DS1 birthday from a mum who heard about his party but was no longer even at his nursery or any ground DS went to but apparently her son wanted to come!)

AliOlis · 21/09/2023 19:27

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 21/09/2023 19:25

I asked once (actually after the mum had put a message in a class group
asking if everyone had received the invitation). The answer was “sorry we didn’t invite your DD”. It was really awkward.
If she is your DD bear friend though you’d think she would get one.

This is gobsmackingly rude. What is wrong with some people?

NerrSnerr · 21/09/2023 19:28

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 19:14

I wouldn't ask. The other mum will be in contact if you've not RSVP'd.

I actually had a mum RSVP to DDs party once and the invite had been put in the wrong child's bag (totally different names so God knows how it happened and how she didn't notice) I had to say "sorry, there's been a mix up and she's not invited". I found it very awkward.

This actually happened to a friend, she didn't realise there were two girls at Brownies with similar names and it went to the wrong one. She just invited the extra one- it's pretty harsh to revoke an invitation to a child who thinks they're coming to a party!

stemmedroses · 21/09/2023 19:32

I would mention it - "your DD is so excited for her birthday, my DD says she's having a party".

Then you get your answer. It could be that there's no party or a family only one or maybe there was a lost invite.

I disagree completely with the pp that thinks it's "desperate" - making conversation with other parents is how friendships are formed!

Rumplestiltz · 21/09/2023 19:37

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 19:14

I wouldn't ask. The other mum will be in contact if you've not RSVP'd.

I actually had a mum RSVP to DDs party once and the invite had been put in the wrong child's bag (totally different names so God knows how it happened and how she didn't notice) I had to say "sorry, there's been a mix up and she's not invited". I found it very awkward.

This makes me so sad. Why would you not just pretend they had been invited! How horrible for the child.

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 19:56

Yeah I thought people might get their knickers in a twist about it.

My DD didn't want the other girl there and the invite had the correct child's name on it. It's up to the mum to look at it properly in my opinion and then decide how to respond.

I thought it was rude of her to say "thanks, she's coming" when it clearly wasn't for her child.

Horses for courses.

spidermonkeys · 21/09/2023 20:11

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 19:14

I wouldn't ask. The other mum will be in contact if you've not RSVP'd.

I actually had a mum RSVP to DDs party once and the invite had been put in the wrong child's bag (totally different names so God knows how it happened and how she didn't notice) I had to say "sorry, there's been a mix up and she's not invited". I found it very awkward.

That's really horrible. Surely you could have found space for another child.

LateAF · 21/09/2023 20:12

Dacadactyl · 21/09/2023 19:14

I wouldn't ask. The other mum will be in contact if you've not RSVP'd.

I actually had a mum RSVP to DDs party once and the invite had been put in the wrong child's bag (totally different names so God knows how it happened and how she didn't notice) I had to say "sorry, there's been a mix up and she's not invited". I found it very awkward.

Pretty harsh on a child who thinks they’re coming through no fault or presumption of their own to tell them they weren’t actually invited. I think that’s a situation where you should have just made provisions for the extra child.