How do you survive and keep your job with childhood sickness

[posha]

I'm in the fortunate position that I mostly work from home. But my children are young, 3 and 1. At nursery.
No family help nearby and no DH help either really.

I've not got much annual leave left either. It's going to be a struggle. They've not been able to go in most of the week and I have somehow managed to be in a few calls during nap times, but definitely haven't been able to put in my hours as I usually would. At night I'm too exhausted because of course, they keep me up most of the night when they're ill too.

Any advice how you cope ?

It shouldn't mean less money if the self employed peraon is managing it properly and ensuring there is money available for them to cover aickness and annual leave periods.

Its very difficult. My son was in and out of hospital. I did the majority. Luckily i had a fairly understanding boss but did use up a heck of holiday. Youll get through it x

I was a single parent but luckily was doing a vocational degree until DC was 4 so a bit easier to take time off. I know that doesn't help but you will manage!

Of course it means less money. If they don't show up they don't get paid. DP is a painter and decorator, if he doesn't go there is no money, he can't just not go to a job for 2 / 3 days because it either pushes his other jobs back and that might not be appropriate or he might lose the job all together. My sister in law is a dog walker, if she doesn't go she misses the walks and then doesn't get paid, you can't catch up with something like that either. The majority of the time there is no back up with self employed work.

Yes, but they should be allocating some.money from every job to gointo pension fund, annual leave fund, sickness fund etc.

So yes they won't get paid from that current job, but they should have money available to essentially 'pay themselves' if they are running their self employment correctly

Theoretically yes but in reality it just doesn't work like that, there's dips in work which take up spare money, sickness, some people don't pay or don't pay on time, car trouble, pets etc etc the list goes on. It's hard enough to save when you're in steady employment let alone when you're self employed.

I think its very hard to quantify the loss from not turning up. You can lose that client, get bad word of mouth, miss on future work. Its not really about the pay on the exact day you don't come in. You can also lose casual labour employees, who then just go somewhere else as you were flakey and they couldnt get reliable work.

Its fine planning annual leave in as you dont book work in those weeks. But ad hoc days can be really challenging. People tend to save them for disaster illnessess rather than minor colds.

Yes but the OP's DH is a parent now, so he doesn't get to just 'opt out' of having to take time off (paid or unpaid) from his job. Yes he may lose work, but his wife may lose her job...he seems to just be saying its not possible, when in reality its half his problem to solve not just his wife's

Yes, but the negative effects of that won't just fall on the OP's DH, but on the OP and DCs.

So the OP has the right to be part of the decision about whether to be poorer (either by the DH turning down work to leave slack in his week, or missing work that's already committed to, or by changing jobs to work as an employee) or do without the support.

It is possible that the OP would rather put up with the lack of support than the lack of money; it's also possible she'd rather her DH sacrificed some of his earning potential so she could have support.

Yeah - i'd just like to second what's being said about self employed work not being something you can drop for a day just because you're your own boss. Or because you've 'saved for a rainy day'.

Imagine if your plasterer/roofer/builder/plumber/sparky (who, incidentally, YOU might have had to have negotiated a day off work to accommodate) doesn't turn up because his child has been sick overnight.

It might mean the rest of your project can't progress and other trades have to be cancelled. Maybe they can't make it now till end of the year because they've got other work booked in ...

It might mean not only does the SE person lose a day's wage, but a team mate or apprentice will too. So they might have to pay any team members loses. Their next job might be in jeopardy because they won't make the start date.

Big knock on effect sometimes.

In our set up if anyone's not going to work because of sick kids it's always me not DH. We literally couldn't afford him not to go in. He earns twice my wage plus all of the above. 2 other people with bills to pay rely on him going in.

@coffeemakers I totally hear you. 18 years in here and its no better, my mental health is hanging on by a thread but i am managing some flexible part time work. just. The very best of luck to you, you feel alone but there are a lot in the same boat. its crap.

I'm self employed and I've frequently taken time off to look after sick kids. Its what parents do.

I think therry are a minority of jobs where is not fair for the person to pull their weight with this, but they are in the minority.

• Person who works away in the military/oil rig etc
• specialist professionals where the impact on them having an unexpected day off is catastrophic - brain/heart surgeons, judges, a vicar conducting a funeral. They need to be roles where no one else is realistically able to fill in. Not just roles where it's tricky, like the self employed or teachers.

Maybe take a common sense approach as a couple - at some stages in his work it may be harder than others to take time off - and the same for you, so you work out who had the priority on an individual day , whilst making sure that your both do your fair share overall.

So if I've got a deadline coming up, he'll take the hit. If he's got one coming up I'll take the hit. If we both can't take the time off, we share the burden between us.

You have my sympathy OP, I have the same age gap and it was hell! I don't know why so many posters are mentioning unpaid leave - there are many jobs where you can't take unpaid leave without risking your job. My boss would never have kept me on if I'd started taking unpaid leave.
What we did: give a multivitamin with iron and vitamin D. Spend a lot of time outdoors. Get a babysitter who is willing to look after the DC when ill. Work from home with alternate hours (me in the mornings, DH in the afternoon for example). Send DC to nursery with colds and coughs if they don't have a temperature.

It's so tough OP, but things will get easier!

What self employed work does your husband do @posha ?
He should be doing his share. Unless it means that someone might die if he doesn’t go to work.

I had a similar situation with dp away a lot. I had to work part time and use leave/unpaid leave for all sickness. It was very difficult& stressful. I had to give up my job twice because my daughter had an illness lasting 7 months on/off & I couldn't go to work. It was then difficult to get another part time job in my occupation.

You need to split it. It’s easier for him to take time off as he’s self employed.
It’s unfair on you and your employer if it’s always you taking time off. The children have 2 parents.
Look into buying extra leave or unpaid parental leave. Then save actual annual leave to cover illness. It gets easier as get older.

Agreed. Take unpaid parental leave.

We took our kids out of creche type care and got a childminder who came to our home and didn't mind mild illnesses (although we wouldn't have expected her to mind kids with DV or chickenpox)

DH is self employed so him taking time off = can't pay mortgage and we have no-one local to help. So far we've juggled between us so take the financial hit on his income so I don't miss big meetings, annual leave + making up hours between us at the weekend. Honestly though it is completely shite and I can't wait for DSs immune system to develop.

When DC were little it seemed like they were ill every other week. My boss was constantly angry and asking why EXDP didn't take a turn collecting them from nursery or staying home, but he was in a shop he couldn't close. The only reason I didn't lose my job was because I took on extra work and responsibility and tried to make myself as indispensable as possible. It nearly killed me, the stress, and the guilt and the exhaustion. I can only say it will get better, and when you have been at work longer than 2 years your job will be safer.

There are some DHs who hide behind being self-employed; self employed fathers are not all plumbers or painters. Most of our mortgage advisers are self employed and it's them who pick up the slack for ill children, as they can work very early/evenings from home.

Posted too soon! Anyway, it gets better when they hit last year of preschool and reception.

We use extende family at the moment but you can apply for parental leave. Unpaid but a legitimate thing to apply for. .

www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

is there an option to take unpaid leave?

So many of these posts where women are wore out end with a breezy 'DH won't help'. Honestly it's the only solution. Parenting little kids is a two person job. Who else can do it other than DH? If he can't take off days then he has to cover the nights.