Anyone else's dc struggling with the senior school transition?

[smellykelly23]

Ds11 started high school a few weeks back having spent 7 years at a lovely, small village school. It has come as quite the shock to the system. He's doing ok but has lost a few bits - books, timetable, pe shorts and an after school club he was meant to attend - but his work and behaviour is good.

He just seems so sad. He struggles with the amount of people, the pushing and shoving, keeping track of him homework, the 'nasty' kids. He's been shoved over twice by the same boy and had to speak to the head of year about it. Then to make matters worse his dad (my ex) has already had a go at him about 'getting on with it and growing up' very much against my wishes.

He seems nervous and overwhelmed. I'm trying to keep the communication open between us and encourage him to talk to me about anything that's bothering him but I can already sense him retreating into himself. I know it's part of life and growing up but it's worrying to see.

Anyone else's kids going through or been through this?

Had you done much to prep him? Encouraging a bit more independence & responsibility through year 6?
Eg - packing own bag

• managing own homework
• walking home themselves/with friends
• walking to local shops or parks without you

Nasty behaviour from other kids isnt great though - worth reporting in to school if there is persistent bullying

My DC struggled and continues to struggle, do keep a close eye on this and speak with the school if it continues because it can become a long-term problem. Schools are so noisy and chaotic it's a hard place to be for the quieter kids. There is so much to deal with each day, especially when you have disruptive kids who can ruin every lesson for those who want to work.

There are things the school can put in place if necessary, such as permission to leave classes 5 mins early to avoid the corridor chaos.

Yeah he started doing a lot of this in year 6. I don't think you can really prepare for seniors until you actually get there and start living it though.

It's not nastiness directed at him as such, just lots of swearing and naughty behaviour. Not what he's used to.

Do talk to the school. My DD really struggled then refused to attend which they prefer to avoid as it impacts their attendance stats…so try find out if they can help him.

Yes.
My son nearly had a breakdown
He was being sick before school
It was awful
He went on the Monday by the Friday I'd emailed the school to say how worried I was, to be fair to them they rang me and we made plans

I'll pm you and if I can find my original post.

I can't find my original post.
It was 5 yes ago since I posted, he's yr 11 now.

Thank you anyway for checking. How is he doing now?

We aren't in tears or panic attack territory but he just seems generally down and overwhelmed by it all. It's still early days so I'm hoping he will find his feet soon. It's hard to see.

I remember school ringing me, I was in a patient house and school rang to say he'd been sick and had a go at me about sending him in with a virus!
I cried and my patient had to make me a brew.

My son was terrified
The school really went in hard on discipline and consequences, and he was petrified!
I'd say it took until half term for him to really settle.
But I remember it like it was yesterday
I was supposed to go on holiday with my husband and couldn't go. I couldn't leave him.

Every job I’ve had takes a couple of months to settle into. It’s the same with schools. But do approach the school for support.

My usually vibrant and confident son started seniors last year. He was like a different child for the first month or so. Couldn’t eat or sleep and would cry. I think he was so overwhelmed with it all. But we kept communication wide open and made sure he knew that he could always talk to us about anything, no matter how insignificant it might seem. And he’s now a happy, vibrant and confident y8 who is thriving. I would say it took about until the first half term. But I’m sure he’ll get there. The change is massive for them.

Transitions are hard and this one is particularly hard! Just stick with it, keep reassuring, speak to school etc.
One of mine went into Year 10 this year and was panicking too at the increased daily homework load for the first 2 weeks, but has now settled. It is all about getting into a routine. If you can make any small changes to help him, things such as picking up/nice foods in packed lunch etc - all can help them feel loved and supported.

And losing a few bits and being disorganised at first is all normal. Help him initially to plan homework and pack his bag the night before together, if he needs that. Reassure him that any punishments at school are not the end of the world. I would replace the PE trousers if he is a good boy.

My DS started year 7 last year and it took until after Christmas for him to start to settle properly.

For the first term he was very anxious, sometimes refused to go in and his general behaviour (at home) was challenging to say the least!

We spoke to the school and they were great, he started going to a session once a week with their youth group leader, who took groups of year 7s to the youth Wing for hot chocolate, games and time to just relax in school. It really helped, especially as he saw some other kids at the sessions who he had assumed had found the transition a breeze, but in fact were finding it hard, just like him.

By the time we got to the second term he just started to settle in, and now, in year 8, he's gone back happily (fingers crossed this continues).

I really think its pretty normal to find the transition hard. Give it time, and also see if the school can give some extra support, he won't be the only one.

In the secondary education topic there is a thread called Yr 7 2023/24. You might like to join us on there. Some of us on there have kids who are finding the transition a bit of a struggle. It helps to not feel so alone when it seems that every one else's kid is settling well and thriving!

Yes my DD is going through this now in year 7. Word for word. Overwhelmed, sad and so tired. She went up alone and this is just a huge thing for her. I feel sad for her as she’s burst into tears a few times since she started. It’s hard to watch isn’t it?

We had full on tears for hours last week and he'd come from a large Junior School with lots of his friends. The pushing and shoving in the corridors is the most overwhelming. Hundreds of children rushing through small spaces. He lost his ( stupid clip on ) tie and his planner. The tie was returned to reception, totally trashed, and his lovely English teacher had his planner. He begged me to be home schooled. His Dad wasn't very supportive either. We talked calmly about giving it a go and how to walk defensively and more confidently through the other children. He's gone back this week and is finding it easier. They do worry about finding classrooms and not being late to lessons. Do they use an app for homework that parents can also see? Anecdotally, lots of children struggle with Yr 7, are not emotionally ready. School should be providing the children with coping strategies. It should not a case of just sucking it up.

We had little laminated timetables they can keep in their pockets. Timetable by the front door so they could check their bags had all the right books and equipment.

we then went through homework every night to check dc knew what they had to do etc. from half term they had the hang of it.

I teach in a secondary school, and I would say this is probably in the realms of normal. I'm guessing he has a longer journey and an earlier start? That's already tiring, plus the effort of navigating a new site and meeting loads of new people and learning new systems for lunch/PE etc. It's massively knackering for most kids, and that makes small problems see so much harder.

Losing stuff to some extent is normal, but it may be worth mentioning to his tutor. If he's really struggling with organisation, have you ever considered whether he might have dyslexia, dyspraxia or similar? It can impact organisation and this isn't always noticed in primary school.

The corridors can be really horrible, and small Y7s are in with adult size Y11, it is scary for them. There's also a push in a lot of schools to teach right up to the bell, so there's no natural staggering of students. A lot of schools let Y7 out 5 minutes early for the first half term or so- does his do this? If not, it may be worth asking if he can have a pass to be allowed out of lessons a few minutes early, if he is finding the corridors overwhelming.

Do bear in mind this is only his second full week, and by half term he may be thriving. But if he's not, there will be things the school can offer- and they will care, even though they're much bigger than primary. It is a huge jump from a small village school!

I haven’t read all the responses so apologies if I’m repeating anything. This was my son in year 7. He had always loved school but by mid October of year 7 he was having frequent panic attacks and we were struggling to get him into school. Things that helped:

• meeting his head of year together and making sure they were fully aware of the situation and could support him (it was hard to get them to understand because initially he was presenting as happy and successful at school even though that wasn’t the case at home). And then keeping communication open with school
• finding ways to make the really busy, overwhelming times at school more manageable, e.g. lunchtime clubs in quiet classrooms rather than being in the canteen/playground
• a clear morning routine that he was in control of
• cutting out everything extra (weekend activities etc)
• trying to see a friend briefly for a walk on a Sunday to reduce the shock of school on a Monday
• a few (expensive but worth it) sessions with a private therapist
• early referral to CAMHS via the GP and sessions in school with the CAMHS wellbeing service
• time

By the end of year 7 things were just starting to improve and by spring of year 8 his attendance was back to normal. He’s year 9 now and really enjoying school. Sure, there are subjects he likes more than others but he’s happy, has lots of friends and willing leaves in the morning. It’s sooo hard as a parent. At times I just wanted to bundle him up and keep him at home but the more he went into school the more he became desensitised to the things he had found overwhelming.

Hmm… actually I would agree with Postapocalypticcowgirl that it is still very early days but I’d certainly keep an eye on it and start to take some action if things are still similar towards the end of the first half term. For us the panic attacks and refusal to go in made it very clear that he needed some additional support

Also, in terms of organisation, can you offer him any more support at home e.g. writing reminders, checking he has everything before leaving etc? I know in theory he should be able to manage, but it is a big change and a bit of parental support can go a long way.

For the club, can he set a google alert on his phone?

It can be incredibly overwhelming when they've come from being the biggest in primary to being with some adult-sized year 10s and 11s, I remember stating year 7, I was incredibly short (the size of a 7 year old) and the other kids just towered over me and I remember feeling so intimidated by them.

I think a lot of it he will get used to in time, just remind him that the corridors are just a tiny amount of his day and they're just a means to an end to get to the next class. But keep talking to him and checking in that nobody is deliberately targeting him.

There really shouldn’t be pushing and shoving in the corridors.

At my DC school the teachers stand outside their classroom doors at the end of lessons to supervise. They have to whisper, walk calmly and follow a one way system. I think they also have different lesson lengths for different years so the year 7s aren’t around the bigger children anyway. I thought it was a bit over the top at first but it seems to work.

You should complain because they really can do things better.