To think EDP new gf is being inappropriate around my DD

Pollyputhekettleon · 20/09/2023 15:55

Tell him he can't have access if his GF is there. There's something weird and disturbing going on at the moment with adults, sex and very young children. On another thread we had a 27 year old woman waxing the legs of an under 9 year old girl. Your ex doesn't much care about your DD anyway, so seeing her on his own every other weekend is enough for her.

AllOfThemWitches · 20/09/2023 16:00

You can't 'demand' anything tbh unless you go to court and have an order put in place.

No, it's not OK but welcome to the world of coparenting with a dickhead.

Sunshinesky1981 · 20/09/2023 16:00

You can ask, but unfortunately he doesn't need to do it. As her parent he has the right to introduce or spend time with anyone while he has his daughter. The only way you could force him is to prove that she is a risk to the safety of your child. Its horrible, i know.

Irridescantshimmmer · 20/09/2023 16:13

The 19 year old is jealous of your DD.

If his gf can not behave like a decent human being around your child, who is only 7 this may well be a safeguarding issue.

What ever decision you make here needs to be in your childs' best interest. No kid of 7 should be witnessing this type of behaviour.

ManateeFair · 20/09/2023 16:18

When you say she has 'spoken about sex' to your DD, do you know what was actually said?

I think you'd struggle to make the case that your DD was being harmed by the GF wearing skimpy clothes or 'draping herself' on your ex, but if she is saying inappropriate or disturbing things to a seven-year-old child, that is a different matter entirely.

Redhothoochycoocher · 20/09/2023 16:27

Talking to DD about sex and wearing skimpy clothes would be a huge safeguarding concern to me and I'd stop DD going over until I had clarification about what's actually going on. She sounds very jealous of your DDS relationship with her dad and probably has daddy issues herself if she is dating someone so much older when she's barely an adult. All unhealthy for your dd to be involved in

TiredMamOfTwo · 20/09/2023 16:29

Talking to your DD about sex and not wearing barely any clothes screams sex offender to me.

Huge safe guarding concerns there.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 20/09/2023 17:12

No doubt in my mind that the girl friend is the one behind the requests to cut the visits to fortnightly so I’d do just that. Not for their sake but for dd’s. I’d also remind him that he is the parent and when dd is in his care HE does the parenting, not his girl friend. It’s not her place to talk to her about sex.

SettleThis · 20/09/2023 18:17

A nineteen year old in a new relationship, wearing skimpy clothes and showing physical affection is completely normal. Talking about sex to a child isn’t, but what’s actually been said?

Your ex is a rubbish dad and a creep for dating a teenager, so just reduce the weekends like he asks and focus on your DD. You can’t ‘demand’ his girlfriend isn’t around but it sounds like she’d rather avoid your DD too so perhaps if it’s only every other weekend she’ll make herself scarce.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 20/09/2023 18:31

What's actually been said to your DD?

Moro93 · 20/09/2023 18:34

I think there is a lot of potential red flags here. One of the milder ones being him wanting to see his own daughter less to see his gf, this would anger me.

Something about this gives me the ick. Is there any chance he could have groomed this girl? And only went public with their ‘relationship’ six months ago? The age difference and her being possessive around him to his own daughter. Her not finding it inappropriate to wear little clothing (around a child she doesn’t know very well) and speak about sex to a child is cause for concern. It also comes across like she thinks she’s somehow ‘competing’ for attention against a 7 year old.

He wasn’t involved with his DD for years so who knows what he got up to in that time…

1FootInTheRave · 20/09/2023 18:35

This girl was 12 when your dd was born.

This is grotesque.

AllOfThemWitches · 20/09/2023 18:45

1FootInTheRave · 20/09/2023 18:35

This girl was 12 when your dd was born.

This is grotesque.

I suggest you don't read the bake off/noel fielding thread. It's totally fine for men in their 30s to date 16yo girls, don't you know?

BravoMyDear · 20/09/2023 18:48

she has also spoken about sex to my DD

Nope. Red flag 🚩 is contact court ordered?

Original poster

Crispscrispscrisps5 · 20/09/2023 19:29

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 20/09/2023 18:31

What's actually been said to your DD?

My DD came home talking about what sex is etc. we hadn’t had that convo yet, but the gf took it upon herself to tell her what sex is. Obvs furious.

Also agree re the competitive element. That’s what it sounds like to me and my DD feels that too. So strange.

OP posts:

Honeychickpea · 20/09/2023 19:32

Crispscrispscrisps5 · 20/09/2023 19:29

My DD came home talking about what sex is etc. we hadn’t had that convo yet, but the gf took it upon herself to tell her what sex is. Obvs furious.

Also agree re the competitive element. That’s what it sounds like to me and my DD feels that too. So strange.

Show quote history

Out of the blue, or did your daughter ask her?

Dramatic · 20/09/2023 19:37

Crispscrispscrisps5 · 20/09/2023 19:29

My DD came home talking about what sex is etc. we hadn’t had that convo yet, but the gf took it upon herself to tell her what sex is. Obvs furious.

Also agree re the competitive element. That’s what it sounds like to me and my DD feels that too. So strange.

Show quote history

If it's just actual facts and nothing lewd or inappropriate then that wouldn't concern me a huge amount, obviously she should have consulted you or your ex but there is a possibility she was answering questions your DD had.

However, if she is making you uncomfortable with the way she's behaving and if your DD is saying she's not nice to her then your concerns are valid, is your ex approachable when it comes to things like this?

WillowCraft · 20/09/2023 19:44

I would want to stop all contact or at least keep it daytime only and less frequent, and when the girlfriend isn't around. Obviously you can't control all of that but if he suggests less frequent contact then go with it. This sounds very unhealthy for your daughter. Her dad is a pretty grim person and his girlfriend isn't nice either so what's the point of her seeing him every weekend?

Pollyputhekettleon · 20/09/2023 19:49

Honeychickpea · 20/09/2023 19:32

Out of the blue, or did your daughter ask her?

Show quote history

How on earth does it matter? If a 7 year old you don't know starts asking you about sex you point them to their parent! Obviously.

Candlelight34 · 20/09/2023 19:50

Crispscrispscrisps5 · 20/09/2023 15:49

Hi all,

My ex partner and I are co-parents to my 7 year old DD. We split up when our DD was 2. Differences in who we are as people. He’s never been great, and he didn’t see her from aged 3 to around 6, when he started seeing her on weekends.

He has been seeing her every weekend for the last year. Around 6 months ago, he started a new relationship with a 19 yr old. He is 39. My concerns are around what my DD tells me, which is that his gf often wears very little around the house, she has also spoken about sex to my DD, is very possessive with my ex, touching him all the time, draping herself on him. I’ve seen this with my own eyes. My DD has also said she is not very nice to her when he isn’t there. He is apparently oblivious to all this. He’s also asked to see her every other weekend so him and gf can have some more time together.

I think it’s very inappropriate and worried about how this is affecting DD, but don’t want to stop her relationship with ex. Might demand he only sees her alone. Just wondered what everyone else would do?

Protect your daughter.

State your concerns to ex and keep your daughter safe from this exposure.

Candlelight34 · 20/09/2023 19:52

Your ex is the issue.

Creep that he is.

Pollyputhekettleon · 20/09/2023 19:53

Dramatic · 20/09/2023 19:37

If it's just actual facts and nothing lewd or inappropriate then that wouldn't concern me a huge amount, obviously she should have consulted you or your ex but there is a possibility she was answering questions your DD had.

However, if she is making you uncomfortable with the way she's behaving and if your DD is saying she's not nice to her then your concerns are valid, is your ex approachable when it comes to things like this?

Show quote history

In no possible universe is it appropriate for an unrelated adult who has zero parental responsibility for a 7 year old to answer any questions she asks about sex. A 19 year old raised in any kind of sane society would know that without being told.

OP, this is the attitude I was talking about. There's some kind of increasingly widespread insanity around talking to small children about sex.

MrsMara · 20/09/2023 20:01

I would stop further contact beyond her father taking her out for dinner on his own.

The 19yr old gf will be one of many.

Don't expose your dd to his shabby love life going forward. Given he didn't see your dd for best part of 3 years, she won't suffer with you stopping the weekend visits.

Zola1 · 20/09/2023 20:27

Think you need more clarity about the sex chat.
The other stuff about her wearing minimal clothing or showing affection to her boyfriend is definitely none of your business

Pollyputhekettleon · 20/09/2023 20:34

Zola1 · 20/09/2023 20:27

Think you need more clarity about the sex chat.
The other stuff about her wearing minimal clothing or showing affection to her boyfriend is definitely none of your business

No she has it perfectly clear:

'My DD came home talking about what sex is etc. we hadn’t had that convo yet, but the gf took it upon herself to tell her what sex is. Obvs furious.'