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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel sorry for male comedians who are now the topic of speculation?

45 replies

CwmYoy · 19/09/2023 11:55

Katherine Ryan says there is one.

Sara Pascoe says she knows of two.

Lucy Beaumont says at least 10.

I think they should perhaps name names rather than invite speculation. Katherine says why should she lose money so still shared the stage with one. Sara has said something similar.

Maybe they, as very, very rich female comedians, should take a lead to protect lesser known ones.

I can't watch reruns of Mock the Week or QI without a niggle of suspicion creeping in about comedians I have loved. (Not RB, obviously - turn off if he's on)

OP posts:
VikingVolva · 19/09/2023 12:00

If they are indeed creeps/predators/rapists, no I don't feel sorry for them at all.

If not, why would they be bothered?

If new to the scene and in danger of having their head turned and becoming a creep, then perhaps this will get them to stop and think and hopefully the upshot will mean less shite conduct in future.

DonnaBanana · 19/09/2023 12:02

Look at anyone who thrives on making particularly dark and crude sexual jokes. That sort of thinking doesn't just come out of thin air! I don't walk around thinking about or doing sinister sexual things which is why I couldn't be a comedienne making good jokes on those topics. But people who do, can.

araiwa · 19/09/2023 12:03

If not, why would they be bothered?

Thinking for even a second would answer this for you

ExtraOnions · 19/09/2023 12:05

I know one who is an absolute predator .. gaslighting, coercive - over a long period. He’s vile

CurlewKate · 19/09/2023 12:06

Yep. Up to the women to sort it out. Same as it ever was.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/09/2023 12:07

If the men spoke up about the actions of their fellow comedians, fewer women would have been at risk. So no.i don't feel sorry for the men who kept quiet.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 19/09/2023 12:08

I'm surprised nobody that I've noticed has been talking about Mae Martin who dedicated a plot line to the ethics of this.

Startingagainandagain · 19/09/2023 12:10

I don't feel sorry for them at all.

I think there are a lot of rumours that have been going around for years about a couple more of these male comedians...

I hope that what is happening with Brand will encourage women to come forward and expose them too.

The ones that have done nothing wrong have nothing to fear...

BIWI · 19/09/2023 12:10

I don't feel sorry for them. Even if they weren't guilty of assault/rape against girls and women, perhaps this will make them think a bit more about the kind of people they're sharing an industry with. And come forward. And also consider their own behaviour a bit more closely.

WeWereInParis · 19/09/2023 12:11

Maybe they, as very, very rich female comedians, should take a lead to protect lesser known ones.

I imagine plenty of the very very rich male comedians also know who these men are. And they've said nothing.

AlbaDT · 19/09/2023 12:11

Yes, the onus is definitely on the women to sort it all out. FFS.

Original poster
CwmYoy · 19/09/2023 12:27

To those who are saying the male comedians should speak out - some have.

The silent ones aren't the people claiming the predators exist as the well known women are. If anyone, male or female, knows there are predators on the circuit then surely they should speak out to protect others. And so the innocent aren't under suspicion.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 19/09/2023 12:30

Yep. It works so well for women when they speak out against this sort of thing, doesn't it?

heathspeedwell · 19/09/2023 12:31

So much information is coming out about the fact that powerful men have been abusing women and our police and courts have been incredibly poor at convicting rapists.

Yet for some women the main priority is always protecting the feelings of men.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/09/2023 12:34

Can they speak out without proof, or without a victim making a complaint? From a legal pov not a moral one obviously. Or would there be a big risk of them then facing a legal backlash which could be very costly both financially and career wise?

CalistoNoSolo · 19/09/2023 12:35

Men have had more power and opportunity than women since forever. I really couldn't give the tiniest shit if men are feeling uncomfortable about one of their number being caught out. Men could stop rape/assaults this minute if they practised a zero tolerance attitude towards the predators among them.

Stokey · 19/09/2023 12:38

You are being U to call them "very very rich". I know a couple of (male non-misogynist successful) comedians and they are not "very very rich". They live in normal houses and send their kids to state school.

BoohooWoohoo · 19/09/2023 12:39

I don't blame the women for not outing these men. Whistleblowers rarely end up being able to stay in their jobs and many women have children and family safety to consider as well.

I am surprised that we've not seen men issue social media statements about their conduct with women. Quite a few were named as possible subjects for Dispatches and their conduct has been discussed on the Internet for years.

exexpat · 19/09/2023 12:42

Russell Brand is very well-known, so he is getting a lot of attention, but there are plenty of others whose behaviour has been the subject of rumour for years. Here's one who has finally been charged, but I am sure he won't be the last: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-66454248

Hardeep Singh Kohli

Comedian Hardeep Singh Kohli charged with sex offences

The comedian has been arrested and charged following allegations of "non-recent" sexual offences.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-66454248

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 19/09/2023 12:46

Ooft. Sean Lock didn’t mince his words, did he?

JudgeJ · 19/09/2023 12:52

If they are indeed creeps/predators/rapists, no I don't feel sorry for them at all.

If not, why would they be bothered?

How naive!! People on this site were salivating at the weekend throwing out names of almost every comedian they'd ever heard of, they'd heard 25th hand that he was definitely guilty, Mud sticks, I feel sorry for any person genuinely affected by guilty people but we obviously learned nothing from Op Yewtree about unsubstantiated allegations.

LetMeGoogleThat · 19/09/2023 13:09

The female comedians are not just saying they exist. Sara reported a disclosure of rape to TV bosses (what did they do about it??) Kathryn called RB a predator to his face (The producers cut it in the edit) and Lucy has vocal before, and we don't know if she has also reported them. ONLY one male comedian appeared on Dispatches and he said that the What's App group was known about. It seems a bit ridiculous to suggest that women should say nothing, in case someone's favourite comedian is suspected! in a don't ask , don't tell style.

Cheesedoffwitheverything · 19/09/2023 13:10

OK I’ve name changed for this. I don’t think YABU because I’ve always believed that the best way to get these folk off the streets is to use the correct channels.
A while ago in my workplace it was brought to my attention that one of my female members of staff was making comments on her social media pages about feeling unsafe in the workplace because of one chap who made her feel uncomfortable and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
I quietly took her aside to offer my support (as her boss) and that she’d have my backing if she reported it through the right channels and the workplace backed her too but I couldn’t do anything to help just on heresay alone.
She refused to do so saying that she felt even more unsafe doing that and she wouldn’t know what he’d do if she went to the police. I did point out that she had made these serious allegations on social media and he’d find out anyway but she seemed to think that was ok.
Despite me and others encouraging her to report it properly she wouldn’t, BUT she still wanted us to make it safe for her.
Now here’s the crux. She never actually named who this person was. So how were we supposed to protect her? Of course there was all sorts of speculation as to who it was and it was frankly horrible. All the males in the office felt the looks and fingers pointing and wondering. The atmosphere was awful.
In the end, nothing ever happened but how could it? Without a name the company couldn’t go round all the males asking ‘well was it you?’ She could not understand this and got very vindictive. It seemed that she just wanted us to believe her without any evidence, or names, or by following protocol.

tattygrl · 19/09/2023 13:13

No, I don't feel sorry for them. Not beyond how sorry I already feel for all of us suffering from the patriarchy. It sucks that there are so many male predators that all men are vaguely under suspicion, but that's the fault of the predatory men, no one else. Certainly not the fault of women in this particular industry trying to navigate what I imagine is already a very sexist and boy's club atmosphere.