To be hurt by these change of plans?

[LesMum98]

I’ve been with another woman for around 7-8 months now.

We had plans to go away this weekend (well Friday all day and most of Saturday), it’s been planned for 2-3 months now and I was really looking forward to it, had arranged childcare and someone to look after the dog, etc.

Something horrible happened to her last weekend, I dropped everything to be there for her and supported her through it all.

It comes to today and she suddenly turns around and says that she wants to go away this weekend by herself instead because she needs to process it. This is fair enough, however it just hurts because she has plans with other people Saturday night that she’s still carrying on with and she does a sport on Sunday that she’ll still go to, so it’s only me that she’s cancelling on and not wanting to spend time with - even though she was fine for me to be there to support her when it suited her.

She has form for this kind of stuff, constantly cancelling plans on just me, which sucks seeing as we hardly get time like this child-free together etc.

AIBU to be actually really hurt and disappointed by this or am I being selfish?

You are not being selfish. She is. And I hate to say it but she doesn't have any respect for you, or your feelings. She's happy for you to be at home whilst she carries on with your plans. Sack her off, you can do better.

I'd also be very hurt and I'd be reconsidering the whole relationship.

@Giveituphq yes she did, because she had a child in the family with her and she needed help with the child whilst she spoke to the police… so yes she asked me to come and help.

She hasn’t spoken to any of the other people about what happened. Anytime anything goes wrong in her life I’m the one person she shuts out and yet I am genuinely the only person that is there for her every single time.

@FrenchandSaunders I genuinely am reconsidering the whole thing as there is only so many times I can be pushed away, let down and be cancelled on and I think I’m starting to reach my limit now…

Anytime anything goes wrong in her life I’m the one person she shuts out and yet I am genuinely the only person that is there for her every single time.

You've only been together a few months. How many times can this have happened for you to refer to "Every single time"? It sounds like a lot of drama for a new relationship.

@Giveituphq no, I think you’ve misunderstood a lot of what I’ve actually said.

she doesn’t have a child, she was looking after a child in the family at the time on a day out.

I’m the one person that’s there for her as in I check in on her when she’s feeling low, she’s unwell, she’s going through stuff, I’m always there to listen if she’s having a moan etc, but I’m the one person she always cancels on and never follows through with our plans and stuff like that.

she still wants to go away and have fun, she just doesn’t want me to go with her anymore

I think I'd sack her off, it doesn't seem like she feels the same for you as you do for her. Can you book a last min break for yourself? A spa or night away in the city?

I’m the one person that’s there for her as in I check in on her when she’s feeling low, she’s unwell, she’s going through stuff, I’m always there to listen if she’s having a moan etc, but I’m the one person she always cancels on and never follows through with our plans and stuff like that.

She's not your friend. Honestly, stop letting her walk all over you.

@Giveituphq yep, she’s still going away and doing the weekend that she had planned for us - she actually booked it because she knew it was something I wanted to do and she was doing something nice for me - look how that’s turned out.

I just constantly feel let down, which sucks seeing as I really do try my best for her

That’s a really good idea, thank you! 💐

She’s actually supposed to be my partner… which makes the situation so much worse…

Tell her to stay home and you go. You're being a doormat and that is never attractive. You are making yourself too available, so she is now taking you for granted. It's too early for this drama, finish it and move on.

Don't allow yourself to be treated like this. Finish the relationship.