If you had a child in your 40s, how was when they got to teens?

[ppikkmkl]

Very very unexpectedly I have just found myself pregnant at the grand age of 43. This would be our second, though we were not trying and it's a complete surprise. Currently considering our options as we have a 5 year old and I wasnt expecting to be going back to nappies. Currently am in fine health but I am freaking out about what it would be like to have a 20 year old aged 64. It just feels too old, much, much too old.

If you had a child in your 40s, what was it like when they got to secondary and uni years? Did you feel too old? Were you just too tired? Did you ever regret it?

I had both mine in my forties, my second at 43. They are 18 and 16 now and I absolutely love this stage, they are so much fun to be with. Of course we have the occasional row, but there have been fewer conflicts than I expected. I did worry when they were little , about being in my fifties and early sixties with teenagers, but they really make me laugh, it is great.
We all get on the sofa together and eat sweets while watching dramas, we go out to eat and they chat away, we go to gigs together. The only drawback is the knowledge that this stage will pass all too soon and they will be twenty somethings no longer at home.

Really interesting to hear some of the stories. It's such early days and we haven't decided either way so cant talk to anyone about this in real life. It was unexpected and only been a week or so and feels quite new. We've had our first night away this weekend in five years and have only just started getting back to our hobbies.

My parents had me in their 40's and if it helps from the perspective of the child I never noticed any difference to my friends younger parents. They're now in their 70's/80's and still going strong. A lot of my friends with much younger parents lost their parents at young ages so you never really know how it's going to work out.

I think if you are an active person you'll be fine.
A family friend had hers all in her 40's having met her DH late in life and had one at 42,43 and 44.
She was the sort of person who is very committed to her own academic interests so was quite a hands off parent so they ended up quite untamed and she could never get baby sitters.
But I think in general older parents tend to be wiser and that stands you in good stead.
I think the main thing I'd say is that menopause can be exhausting if unsupported. I'm now late 40's and in my friendship group we've got everything from utterly wiped and broken (me) to sailing through those changes... however even though I'm the worst of my group, I've got medical support and symptoms under control and I'm fine... so be alert and switched on to the signs so you can help yourself. It is easy to think you're just knackered and fed up and keep plodding on, when actually you could get help and be back to your usual self.
My kids are still primary age and I'm in the middle of a massive personal project so I can't afford to be struggling either... but you don't need to.

My mum had me at 36 and my sister at 42 and I can honestly say we’re the best of friends.

My mum is a fountain of knowledge and wisdom and when she had us she had lost all her selfishness of being young and carefree (if that makes sense). She doted on us.

We go the cinema, theatre, city breaks etc don’t get me wrong we need the odd little coffee/sit down break when we go out for the day but it’s no big deal.

My grandma had my mum at 47, was her first and only child. My mum said she found her teen years difficult, growing up in the 1970's with parents who were born in 1918 with old fashioned views! But I don't think the generation difference is as relevant today. Also people would mistake my grandma as my mums grandma, but again probably more common to have children later in life today so less likely to happen.
My grandma wad already 72 when I was born, so an older grandparent, but was very fit and able, used to pick me up from school and have me overnight into her 80's. Maybe having a child later on life kept her young in some ways!
Best of luck OP whatever you decide ❤

I had both my children in my early forties. I didn’t feel (or look) old at all. The teenage years were pretty good but I’ve been lucky that my kids never went through teen tantrums and they have never fought or fallen out with each other. I’m in my sixties now and still don’t feel old.

I'm 61 with an 18 year old. Teen years seem to be pretty normal compared to my other older children. I'm actually more relaxed and took time to enjoy her more and spend a lot of time together till she goes off to Uni on Friday.
I'm quite looking forward to a quiet house and getting Dh to myself for a bit, but I doubt that will last and I'll miss her.

Agree with you. My gran died 5 months ago aged 91 (would have gone on longer if sepsis hadn't got her), and she was still looking after my mum's Labrador in her house a few weeks before if she needed to be out for a few hours.

Congratulations OP! I had my youngest at 46!! I can't answer your question just yet, but I will say that my mum also had me when she was in her early 40s, and from a child's perspective I didn't notice anything particularly different about her, no kids ever said anything. Although she had no clue about fashion and made my clothes...so I was bullied for that..

It was fine. Being older and more established at work meant that it wasn’t a financial strain to have more DCs in my 40s and it looks as if them wanting to move out and buy their own places will coincide nicely with my retirement .

Does anyone have any reflections on how their partners felt going back to it in their 40s? My partner has always been 50/50 and is certainly feeling apprehensive as well

I had mine at just short of 43 and just short of 47. I am now 59 with a 16 year and a 12 year old. So far, so good. I certainly don't think I am too old or tired to cope with them, and I think also that maturity gives a certain amount of experience that comes in very handy.

Our only issue really is retiring - can't see when that is likely to happen as we will presumably have to subsidise them through university. However, as the government keeps changing the goalposts on retirement age, it probably hasn't made a lot of difference. We do have good life insurance too, to make sure they are OK financially if the worst happens, and we are just about to find out how much it will be to take out new policies when we turn 60. I imagine it is going to be expensive.

He was probably less keen than I was when we were discussing it, but very much enjoys it now.

My DF had two families - one in his 20s and another in his 40s, so we could see that was going fine. Now he has grandchildren from both sets of children and he's involved with them (though more so with the ones that live closer to him).

My parents were 42/43 having me and I was 47 having my twins. My brother was born 2 years after me.
My parents are now healthy 93/94 year-olds and I am 51 with 3 year-olds.

Having kids late-in-life helped my parents stay young, and I hope the same happens to me. As a teenager, I felt proud to have an older mum, since she had had a career before starting her family. To a teenager, everyone over about 30 looks old anyway!
There are advantages to being an older parent - I'm senior in my career, so set my own schedule and can do all pre-school drop-offs/pick-ups etc. There will be no issue taking time to go to sports days/concerts. I'll probably be retired when they start secondary school, so will be around for lifts, etc.

Also, we both took up running in our 40s - I think for me it's at least in part that we want to stay active so that we're around for our kids in later life. Over the years, DH has cycled both our kids all over town and they are both able cyclists themselves as well. Fair point about finances above though - we do feel as if we need to carry on working until they are through university. That said, we were never going to be able to retire early in any case.

My mum got pregnant with my youngest brother 4 th sibling unexpected at 43 and we adore him. Yes my parents said it was harder in that they had less energy etc but hey we got on, helped all we could and now he is grown and just got married