He didn't acknowledge my birthday

georgewashere · 2023-09-17T20:09:16+00:00

We've been dating for two and half months. I mentioned my birthday was coming up in passing and he doubled checked the date. I wasn't seeing him anyway and I had plans, but he clearly forgot. I don't care about grand gestures just a text would have sufficed. To me this just tells me loud and clear I'm not important to him. He's since seen something I posted so even if he had forgotten now knows and still no mention. I'm already emotionally checking out - aibu to?

Dacadactyl · 17/09/2023 21:19

YANBU. I was with my now husband for 2 months and he found my parents address out from a mutual friend and sent me a shoebox of Christmas presents. Just small stuff like packs of love hearts and a few other little bits, but it was nice cos I wasn't expecting anything. We met at uni. I didn't even get him a card 😬

Screamingabdabz · 17/09/2023 21:21

NBU. I would be disappointed too. A keeny would’ve noted and spoiled you. Perhaps ask him why and give him a chance - some families really don’t give a shit about birthdays and he may not have known what to do. If he apologises and says he’ll do better next time that’s fine. If not then ditch and don’t look back.

UsingChangeofName · 17/09/2023 21:25

To me this just tells me loud and clear I'm not important to him

well, that is one interpretation.

Another might be that, as you only happened to mention it in passing, and didn't say "Ooh, it's my birthday next week, what night are you free so we can go for a nice meal?" , he probably assumed you are one of the (many) adults who don't particularly celebrate their birthday or potentially don't even want to acknowledge their birthday.

I mean, if you aren't that keen anyway, and so unconvinced that something as simple as this is enough to finish seeing him, then clearly you aren't that invested.
If, OTOH, you like him, you enjoy spending time with him, and you laugh together, then you behave like an adult and mention to him that birthdays are important to you and - despite the fact you hadn't arranged to do anything with him - you were disappointed he hadn't called you or sent you a card or acknowledge it in any way.

samestyle · 17/09/2023 21:33

I think you're right, he's not that keen or thoughtful even if you are just in the dating stage, a message at least.

Original poster

georgewashere · 17/09/2023 21:46

I do really like him, but I know my worth.

I'm just gutted that I've invested time and emotion again with someone who doesn't value me.

I feel sick , sad and angry - he's left my last message unread for hours.

Such a shitty way to behave. I feel like texting something along the lines of. If you've lost interest then at least be gentlemanly enough to be upfront and honest , but then I should probably maintain my dignity and see what he has to say.

OP posts:

JSMill · 17/09/2023 21:49

It's good you found out early that he's not a thoughtful person. Hope you enjoyed your birthday anyway x

samestyle · 17/09/2023 22:18

I wouldn't bother with him just ignore and delete him if he bothers to read your message and contacts, it doesn't sound like he's invested in you at all. Hopefully you still got your options open.

Kitkatcatflap · 17/09/2023 22:25

It's not great, I would be disappointed. If he had forgotten, he should have mentioned it when he saw the post - made up for it in some way. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture but something thoughtful.

I wouldn't send the text - it comes across as a little desperate. I would just step back, no need for the drama. As you rightly said - you know your worth.

Original poster

georgewashere · 17/09/2023 22:30

He's messaged lighthearted with a what have you been up to today .... I feel like ignoring but then he'll know im upset and I kind of don't want to give him that satisfaction

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DappledThings · 17/09/2023 22:31

UsingChangeofName · 17/09/2023 21:25

To me this just tells me loud and clear I'm not important to him

well, that is one interpretation.

Another might be that, as you only happened to mention it in passing, and didn't say "Ooh, it's my birthday next week, what night are you free so we can go for a nice meal?" , he probably assumed you are one of the (many) adults who don't particularly celebrate their birthday or potentially don't even want to acknowledge their birthday.

I mean, if you aren't that keen anyway, and so unconvinced that something as simple as this is enough to finish seeing him, then clearly you aren't that invested.
If, OTOH, you like him, you enjoy spending time with him, and you laugh together, then you behave like an adult and mention to him that birthdays are important to you and - despite the fact you hadn't arranged to do anything with him - you were disappointed he hadn't called you or sent you a card or acknowledge it in any way.

All of this. You are really overreacting. I mean he might be a dick but he could have legitimately thought you were bothered about your birthday as you played it down.

Namechange666 · 17/09/2023 22:31

Just tell him you aren't feeling it anymore. You've already checked out, just let him go.

If he cba in the honeymoon period, then he never will.

Anewnamea · 17/09/2023 22:35

I had a very similar thing once, and as it was early days I just bowed out quietly and told him it wasn’t working.

I found out much later he’d started talking to his ex again so that was probably was distracted him!

I don’t need a fancy present or grand day out but some kind of acknowledgment would be nice and I’d worry if the guy was so blasé about it if it’s going to continue like that for the rest of relationship.

If you really want to stick with him I’d definitely mention it straight away though so you don’t secretly harbour bad feelings and can clear the air hopefully . How he responds will show you if he’s worth continuing the relationship or not.

I had an old friend whose partner doesn’t get involved with Christmas or valentines days or or birthdays etc , he doesn’t get anything for her OR their kids on any of these occasions . I always think no that couldn’t be me. But to be fair to him, he showed her who he was at the start and she accepted it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/09/2023 22:35

There are a few options. You can ask for what you want. You shouldn't have to but there we are. You can act PA and peevey and feel like crap. You can block and ignore. You can tell him what you've been doing in a normal and not PA way.

I'd probably be PA. But I suggest that if you like him, you behave like an adult. "I was disappointed you didn't wish me a happy birthday. I like birthdays and they are important to me". True, short and clear communication.

DH told me he didn't do birthdays early on and I told him that was a great reason for me not to get him anything, not vice versa. He's been wonderful for many years.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 17/09/2023 22:40

If this is his only failure to date, then I would just reply and say "I was out for my birthday..." And see what he says.

If there's a pattern emerging then I'd just ignore him and deal with it tomorrow.

My husband once forgot my birthday. It upset me more than I expected it to - but we weren't new and he should've known better.

I always forget our anniversary

Original poster

georgewashere · 17/09/2023 22:47

I responded saying I was celebrating my birthday- lighthearted to see how he responded.

He's said he thought it was next week and sorry he didn't wish me happy birthday ...

OP posts:

Takeabreather23 · 17/09/2023 22:47

He’s a whole lot of a shit .
He waited untill the day was nearly over then reply’s to your txt so he doesn’t have to acknowledge your birthday .

listen to him . You weren’t worth a free txt mesage that takes a few seconds to send .

As you said know your worth .
Txt him and say that it’s not working foe
you anymore and tell
him to take care( I wouldn’t explain he already knows )

toomanyleggings · 17/09/2023 22:49

Men who are interested in you romantically gift you on your birthday. In fact they look for excuses to gift you. He’s not bothered. I’d stop contact

Justcallmebebes · 17/09/2023 22:51

Namechange666 · 17/09/2023 22:31

Just tell him you aren't feeling it anymore. You've already checked out, just let him go.

If he cba in the honeymoon period, then he never will.

Yep this. These are the early days when he should be out to impress. This is shoddy and I'd bin him

Justcallmebebes · 17/09/2023 22:53

georgewashere · 17/09/2023 22:47

I responded saying I was celebrating my birthday- lighthearted to see how he responded.

He's said he thought it was next week and sorry he didn't wish me happy birthday ...

Wouldn't he have got a Google reminder of your bday first thing? I get them for all sorts of randoms

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/09/2023 22:56

georgewashere · 17/09/2023 22:47

I responded saying I was celebrating my birthday- lighthearted to see how he responded.

He's said he thought it was next week and sorry he didn't wish me happy birthday ...

Hmm. If you really want to, wait and see if a thoughtful card shows up. But don't put up with crap.

ISeeARedDoorAndIWantToBreakIn · 17/09/2023 23:09

georgewashere · 17/09/2023 22:47

I responded saying I was celebrating my birthday- lighthearted to see how he responded.

He's said he thought it was next week and sorry he didn't wish me happy birthday ...

Not “oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, I thought it was next week, I feel really bad I got it wrong” ?

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 17/09/2023 23:13

This would be enough for me to dump him. I've actually dumped for less in that short space of time.

It's the honeymoon period. The time when you show off your best self to attract the other person.

If he can't last being his best self for 8 weeks AND forgets your first birthday together then throw him back in.

It takes 0 effort to put an alarm in your Callender. Do not settle for less than you deserve.
Expect better!

fuckssaaaaake · 17/09/2023 23:14

2.5 months tho, maybe he didn't know what to do as it's a really awkward stage for a birthday. 6 months, easy; get a small gift. I agree he could have text but you hardly know each other yet to be fair so maybe he just felt weird about it and didn't know what to do

JMSA · 17/09/2023 23:15

YANBU. And there's no excusing it really.
Sorry he was crap and a very Happy Birthday from me

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 17/09/2023 23:16

fuckssaaaaake · 17/09/2023 23:14

2.5 months tho, maybe he didn't know what to do as it's a really awkward stage for a birthday. 6 months, easy; get a small gift. I agree he could have text but you hardly know each other yet to be fair so maybe he just felt weird about it and didn't know what to do

Weird? About sending a text, buying a card and box of cholactes for the person he's presumably been shagging?!

Come ON!

If that is the reason dump him fatser.