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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have this in your life, how does it feel?

33 replies

LilacRain12 · 16/09/2023 21:28

To be loved for who you are, heard and supported and physical comfort whenever you need it?
I don't think I will ever have it, romantically or otherwise.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 16/09/2023 21:30

Why do you think that?

DustyLee123 · 16/09/2023 21:31

I had it. Now my marriage is shit, and I know I’ll never feel loved again.

Original poster
LilacRain12 · 16/09/2023 21:35

Too shy and socially awkward, Boring, unattractive, getting older now at 38, never been anyones first choice or popular.

Accepted it in many ways. I just wish I had someone to talk to at times, someone who truly cared but I know that isn't easy to come by.

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 16/09/2023 21:39

I didn't think I deserved or could ever have this and put up with a lot of shit in my 20 year marriage because of that belief.

I now have that, and can't get over every day how much it builds my self esteem and gives me confidence in life.

There is nothing wrong with YOU and no reason why you cannot have that too. ❤️

catscalledbeanz · 16/09/2023 22:13

I didn't throughout my childhood, and that meant through much of my adult life I didn't either. I neither knew how to GIVE that level of love and support nor how to find or recognise it. It took a lot of work on me, to have to learn what boundaries, respect, love and support really are- as they were not modelled to me when young.

I now do have it, and it is wonderful. The big stuff is great being loved , heard and supported etc but its the little things things that blow me away. To have someone make me tea without thinking, who knows which chocolate bar is my favourite, who shares my interests and is interested in my interests even when they aren't shared.

You can have that and do deserve it op. But if you have never had it, it's a lot harder to find.

fourelementary · 16/09/2023 22:14

It feels amazing and everyone deserves it and is worthy of it.

JlL2013 · 16/09/2023 22:18

Yeah I've got it but it took a cancer diagnosis to prove it so I'd rather be asking the question then asking it

Ratfinkstinkypink · 16/09/2023 22:19

I found it for the first time much later in life, I was in my 50s before I found it. It was amazing and it helped to change my opinion of me for the better, I no longer have it (he died) but his legacy has stayed with me and I am a stronger person for it.

CrapBucket · 16/09/2023 22:20

You have literally just described my Labrador 😍

Gowlett · 16/09/2023 22:23

I had it as a child, from my parents.
Hoping it’s the same for my child…

Notmyrealmum · 16/09/2023 22:29

I never felt like anyone's number 1. All through my life with friends and my ex-DH, my parents, siblings and even my 2 DC. I was always the "weekday" friend, never the Saturday night friend. My ex-DH always put himself or his DM before me (not to mention the dog & his car!)

It wasn't until I met my current partner that I finally know what it's like to feel seen, accepted and respected. He would ALWAYS put me first, always pick me and it has changed me for the better.

cassiatwenty · 16/09/2023 22:32

Oh hun 💐

Theroom · 16/09/2023 22:58

I found it. It's wonderful and liberating.
I didn't find it until my late 30s after being single for a decade though. Also didn't think I'd find it. I'm socially awkward too. Average looking. DH seems to think I'm the most beautiful and interesting person in the world though!

It is possible! Although I did have to make a bit of effort to put myself out there.

TuesdayQ · 16/09/2023 23:30

Having grown up in a tumultuous, abusive household until we escaped under police protection; met my husband at 19; had our first baby at 20 and have now been together 19 years...
It feels like peace. Like a warm blanket there no matter what. I will always be so grateful for the peace my family brings; I hope you're able to find the same, one day.

Sapphire387 · 16/09/2023 23:39

I have it. It's the best thing in the world.

I hope you will find it too. All good wishes to you.

FriedasCarLoad · 16/09/2023 23:39

I absolutely have that. And I only met my husband a couple of months before my 38th birthday.

Before that (and since) I had a strong sense of being loved by God (I'm a Christian) but that obviously doesn't provide much physical affection!

I never imagined I could feel this loved and cherished. I hope the same happens for you.

JimnJoyce · 16/09/2023 23:42

i've never had that in any adult relationship

HateMyselfToo · 17/09/2023 01:26

When I was little I thought I'd have that, but now convinced it only happens in films and wanting it just sets me up for disappointment.
Been married nearly 15yrs and can't see me ever having it now.

readbooksdrinktea · 17/09/2023 01:40

Momentarily through life. Not for any prolonged period of time and not 'whenever I need it'. That's pretty sad to think about, really.

Icouldbehappy · 17/09/2023 01:44

I have this with my younger DS

EconomyClassRockstar · 17/09/2023 01:50

I met my husband at 22 and that 100% sums up our now 25 year old marriage. It just feels, I dunno, normal?! My biggest hope is that we were able to show our kids what a strong marriage is about. I know my parents gave me that example.

Goodfood1 · 17/09/2023 01:56

I found it at 51, after a 28 year marriage and a three year conflictual relationship.
Am now loved in that way.

Through Internet dating as well.

We are very lucky.

missingyears · 17/09/2023 02:05

I've never had that and I'm in my mid 40s. I'm very inspired by the (more than one ), previous posters who said that they had this happen in their 50s. I'm hoping that this happens to me in my 50s too......then I will write back again and tell you how it feels! Don't give up, life is long, and we never know what is coming next x

echt · 17/09/2023 02:26

After my DH died suddenly 7 years ago, I knew what it meant to be looked after, that is, someone who looks out for you every day. I always worked full-time, maintained independence, equitable division of labour, but I was utterly confident that someone had my back.

It's shit being the grown-up all the time. Sad

Catsmere · 17/09/2023 02:43

CrapBucket · 16/09/2023 22:20

You have literally just described my Labrador 😍

And my cats!