To wonder what the natural consequence is for leaving shoes on a bus

[UsuallyBaffled]

DS just started year 7. One week in and he's left a boot bag containing brand new Clarks school shoes and Nike trainers on the bus (well over £100 of new shoes). Have tried bus company nothing handed in. Obviously I have to replace them as he needs both for school but what should the consequence be for my generally well behaved but slightly head-in- the-clouds DS? I feel like we can't just replace them and carry on he needs to learn something from it AIBU?

If they were quality items you need to discover a bit more about the bus journey. School buses aren't fun for many, especially new kids.

One of my kids is a total space cadet like this. At the beginning of yr7 he lost ridiculous quantities of his stuff. There were some natural consequences (using an old bag until his schoolbag finally reappeared was the highlight) but some stuff (lost school jumpers for eg) I just had to suck up and buy again. Frankly, the beginning of yr7 is a full on assault to the senses and for kids who struggle with organisation, I don't think it's fair to lay too much blame at their door. As they get older and more used to the organisational demands of secondary school, it tends to improve. DS is now in yr10 and rarely loses anything.

Cheap shit from primark paid for out of pocket money would be the consequences for me.

@Breakawaytour not everyone is dishonest and keeps what they find.
My local Facebook groups are full of lost school equipment/zip cards/wallets/soft toys* being found and returned.
And I live in "dodgy" South London 😂
*and cats.....

The natural conesquence is he wears old shoes or gets cheap new ones if the old ones no longer fit. I wouldn't be replacing with new branded expensive stuff unless he wanted to pay the difference with his pocket money.

The bag may turn up after a couple of days so worth asking the bus company again but unfortunately if it was expensive things left they may have been stolen rather than handed in.

Same here, I lost a full uniform shoes and all.

I had a couple of spare uniforms but my Mum obviously wasn't happy.

I still lose things now, I'm still careless as ever!

He is a child. Children make mistakes and it is a parent's job to teach them how to avoid the common ones.

It will have happened because he was tired/ distracted and his brain went into automatic mode to just pick up and register the weight of the one bag he carries most days.

If you punish him, you'll just end up with a child/ teen who doesn’t confide in you. It’s concerning that this is your train of thought.

Have you taught him to count the number of items he is carrying when he gets on and off the bus and practised with him since he was young?
Have you also taught him to look back into his seat and floor space to check he hasn’t left anything behind?

If you haven’t, then it is you who should carry the “punishment” for not teaching him. You are the adult, with the fully-developed brain, several decades of life experience and the responsibility for teaching your child how to avoid making mistakes like this.

If you have properly and explicitly taught and practised these skills with him and he forgot, then take this once as a mistake, replace the shoes properly, and ask him what contribution he should make if it happens again.

If it keeps happening, then you need to rethink strategies e.g. he needs a school bag big enough to carry everything in or reminders on his phone timed to pop up at certain times or locations.

If he did it deliberately, then you have bigger problems than a pair of lost shoes and you need to unpick why he did it, e.g. to avoid going to school or to get a replacement pair for some reason.

Some of the responses on here are just unkind and there are probably posters enjoying the thought of a child being punished at their suggestion for a mistake.

Thanks all, there's a whole range of opinions and I dont want to 'punish' him as such but equally want him to realise that things arent magically found/replaced it takes some effort to find, or cash to replace. He is genuinely apologetic and a generally good/kind kid. I think replacing with decent stuff but not Nike and the opportunity to do a few extra chores will actually make him feel better as well as me. As mentioned I think Id be more hard line if it wasn't the start of year 7. Thanks all

for both my kids year seven was the most challenging at the start.

They suddenly had to be responsible for so much more than in primary school and had to organise so much.

I would just buy cheaper replacements and forgive them.

If it becomes a pattern, then something needs to happen. However, I would give them some leeway at the start. It is a tough transition.

Is there anything that he could miss out on that costs money?

For example, if you usually get a takeaway at weekends, say you can't afford it for a couple of weeks because you have to buy new shoes. Or he has to miss football club etc.. , just to get across that his mistake has cost you money.

Year 7 is so hard and they have so many new things to remember. I have a dc in year 7. I've lost count of the amount of parents on the group chat asking - has anyone seen John's PE kit/ water bottle etc.

I'd not come down hard on my dc. They didn't do it on purpose. The consequence would be cheap replacements until they've saved enough (birthday or Xmas money) to buy new ones.

Jeez Louise

The natural consequences, in our household, is that the story gets repeated at various intervals throughout his life. Along with others that will no doubt be added along the way. Some of us will be doing this in our golden years and if we show understanding now we may get understanding and help as payback!

Mine did this two or three times in year 7. The first natural consequence was that I realised it’s not necessary to buy branded football boots for school. The second one was that he went and found them the next time they got lost. The third one was that he has never lost anything since.

He lost the expensive ones, they will cost a lot to replace, if he wants the same ones he has to save up his pocket money, but he gets cheap shoe zone or similar until then

Just realised he's only start of year 7, I'd probably be a bit gentler then, but in our circumstances he would still have to make do with cheap as chips ones for a few weeks at least simply because replacing like for like wouldn't be possible immediately.

To help could he maybe get a bigger bag so he can put his boot bag inside, or pop a small carabineer on his rucksack so he can clip them together so one doesn't get forgotten

Make him wear Skechers. I found out from MN these are considered the shoe equivalent of wearing clothes from Bon Marche.

When ds was 11 he did the exact same thing minus the trainers but plus a whole brand new uniform. We didn't punish him in any way because he was mortified and to this day aged 18 he still swears he bought the bag home that day! We replaced the shoes and it never happened again. They are young carrying equipment that they aren't used ti carrying and they can forget. It's an expensive mistake though and I'm disgusted that nobody hands it in.

I'd replace but he'd get a good telling off and lecture about changing out of football boots at school. In reality it would be more expensive if he'd worn trainers home and left football boots on bus.