To go bat shit at being treated like a maid

[TryAgainAnotherDay]

Have been unwell and in bed for 2 days, first day of feeling better today get up and everywhere is a mess. Live with DH and father and both of them have left the kitchen a state after not washing a single thing for 2 days. DH has been using my car which is also a state, all been left for me to clean. Df called me this morning and asked me as i feel better can i nip to the shops for him to get him some things. Both DH and DF are at work.

AIBU to go bat shit?

Not at all unreasonable, go back to bed and ignore the mess and tell them you're not getting up until they've sorted out their shit!

I would respond to your DF “I was feeling better, and then I saw the state of the kitchen and I suddenly felt extremely unwell again so have taken myself back to bed. Please let me know once it’s all cleaned and I will try again!”

Just ignore everything and everyone and take yourself back to bed.

I'm taking DD into today so going back to bed isn't an option. I walked downstairs and just wanted to cry.

They do both see your role as being their servant don't they? I would not do anything at all which would benefit them, lazy, inconsiderate people that they are. I also wouldn't mince my words if they tried to put you back in the "useful maid" box or try to gaslight you.

If it helps to tell them both in writing how you really feel having seen the mess they've made and left for you to sort out, or their (particularly your father) expectations now you're not actually bedridden then do that. I'm sure neither of them will be happy that you've spoken up but the situation will keep occurring until you stand up for yourself. Good luck and Hope you feel better soon. 🌹

This is perfect. You could also add that alternatively you can source a local cleaning company to come in and clear up the mess and will charge them £75 per hour for doing so (money to be transferred up front for the number of hours you think it will require for sorting out their mess plus one/two hours of your time for doing so). Once the money is in your account you can decide whether to pay yourself £75 an hour for doing it or outsource it and keep the difference as your commission.

I've gone out for the day and left the house in the state it was in this morning. Just had a message from DF 'it's nans birthday tomorrow, can you pick me up a card and present please whilst your out'

The absolute appalling disrespect. I would be so fucking angry. And disappointed. Your dad can go get his own present! Learned incompetence is infuriating. I hate it.

Tell them both to fuck off and you're on strike until they get on the beam and do their bit. They can start by doing the fucking housework they havent done and get their own birthday presents.

I was bedbound for almost one week during my first marriage and come downstairs to absolute chaos. Downstairs bathroom was a mess. No laundry had been done. Ex husband was noisily eating a takeaway kebab, which stank. No milk in the fridge. Windows all shut. It was like a student house.

I “went batshit” as you put it, and it achieved nothing long term. You need a proper, calm conversation about how you live together in a fair way. It shouldn’t be necessary, but a “house meeting” type thing is required.

Or, “go batshit” and once you’ve calmed down , nothing changes 🤷‍♀️

This update is what clinched it for me that they do treat you like a maid. Messy kitchen when someone’s been ill could just be lack of time. But asking you to get card and present for someone to pass off as their own like that is so arrogant and disrespectful. YANBU

Your right, he can live in a messy house if he wants to.

The problem is he doesn't want to, he expects me to tidy it.

Riot act time. They're both alleged adults, there's no excuse for not keeping on top of things and then leaving it all for you.

have you bought cards and presents for him in the past?

I would read them the riot act and then get an early night telling them you expect the mess to be sorted by morning

Who lives with whom? Regardless, as I said, it's disrespectful of you - but if you live with your dad, he can want you to tidy all you want. But you're not the maid. If he lives with you, tell him it's not a hotel, and you're not the maid. They should both get some dam respect.

Ugh! I would hate to live with two lazy, indifferent slobs like that.

Stop doing everything!
No one asks me to do this stuff, cards etc because my answer would be no.
You have no boundaries.

I would tell dh unless the kitchen is clean and habitable by 6pm you will be moving out into a hotel and mean it. Yes you can have a family meeting but unless they are prepared to commit to a change it won’t work.

Set up a an agreed rota, but you may need to put your foot down when it’s ignored. You have been doing too much for too long, and it’s going to be harder to unwind but not impossible.

Pair of entitled pricks, get them told having a penis doesn't make you handles and to feel free at anytime to join in with cleaning /tidying.

Handless.

Tell him to piss off, or – just don’t do it.