To be thinking of giving up work already

[craigth162]

I am in my 40s and have always worked. Mainly ft but 4 days a week for few years when eldest child was young. Im a single parent and youngest child is 3. He is disabled - physically and had behavioural/emotional issues from brain condition. Many hospital stays and countless appointments. Fairly regular surgeries but none since he was just under a year. I went back to work when he was 6 months but only lasted a few weeks as he was not able to be left with childminder and no family to help. Financially we were ok on benefits/disabily payments but i hated it. Child is at nursery now every morning with 1 to 1 support so i managed to get a job working in same industry as before but from home. Basically i work every minute he is in nursery. Its been 3 months and im exhausted. Mentally and physically. So now in a dilemma. I love my job and having money i actually earned. But i never have even 2 minutes to myself. Until the last 3 years id never claimed benefits or relied on others. I didnt have to get a job as child is on highest level disability benefits so i was considered his full time carer.

2 years till he goes to school. We're in scotland and the way his bday works he'll be 5.5. Likely to be a specialist school

Most recent stays have been for epileptic seizures which we're struggling to control

He has a shunt in his brain that will need revisions/replacements but no one knows when. Could fail today and could last another year...or anything in between

Would it be possible to keep your job but use some of the money to buy extra childcare? No one can function without a bit of time to themselves.

He wouldnt last a full day. He does 8.30 - 2 just now and they feel that is enough. He refuses to rest and use his wheelchair much there so is exhausted. Plus has some challenging behaviour towards the staff

Stay at home with your child for a few more years.

With a retirement age of 67 you've got years more work if you want it later.

There is no other childcare. Cant do longer at nursery and as he requires 1 to 1 no childminder etc will take him. No family or friends willing or able.

Would it be possible to keep your job, but use the money for things like a cleaner and a carer to come in and help with your child/increase nursery by a few hours a week so you could get some downtime?

Unfortunately no company in the area i work will let you do less than 21 hrs a week. I cant fit that in to less than 5 days. In a perfect world id do 16 hrs

That sounds hard. It's really difficult getting support with a special needs kid and it nearly always falls on the parents. Could you afford to have a break from work to recharge. How do you manage in the holidays?

Im just exhausted. And got toothache with no idea when can find time for dentist....

My employer seems to be great. They know the situation and have tried to be flexible round appointments and stuff

Havent had to deal wigh holidays yet as his place at nursery is full year not just term time. They felt that was better as he doesnt do well with change in routines

No wonder you are exhausted OP.

i don’t know why people say it will be easier once they are at school, I find it a pita compared to nursery. Mine were in ft nursery all year round, then school is only 9-3 and they you have to sort all the holidays

could you change employers , change job within your company for a while ?

The pp suggestion to get extra help with a cleaner etc sounds a good idea too

Might there be any other options, like remote work? Or is it just particular roles that you would be interested in?

Is your reluctance to stop work just the principle of not wanting to rely on benefits? If so, this is just a reminder that the benefit system exists to support people just like you and your child... trying to do it all is hard.

If you want to stay in your job for yourself then that's a different story of course. If this is the case, and it's this particular job you like, you can only request to reduce your hours... or if another job will do, actively search for 16hr roles. Perhaps remote, as already suggested.

But you'd have nothing to feel bad about if you stopped completely. Just keep in mind if you're not working you might not get childcare costs covered directly, unless you can claim some as carer respite.

I'd keep going with your job for now - it's only been 3 months, you're still getting used to it. Give it another few months and se if you find some equilibrium with it.