My mum still talks to my abuser

[cantstopeating1]

Just that really. I’ve always known but yesterday killed me when I called my home and dad picked up to tell me where she is. I called her on mobile but she didn’t tell me she was there, I didn’t let her know.

AIBU? Its a cousin (her sisters son). I was between ages of 8-10 when it happened. He admitted it years ago. I don’t want to binge today but this is making me upset.

m just for context he was 20 when it started and 22 when it finished.

@cantstopeating1 how is your day going? I’m sorry your sister has been rubbish and self centred! I have been keeping good thoughts for you that you have been able to manage your emotions in a constructive way for you. If you havent been as successful as you hoped, please don’t feel that you have failed, everything you wrote in your first post is such a good place to be working from, realising the unwanted behaviour and wanting to not do it to asking for help - it’s all good stuff! Whether you’ve managed a whole day or only not binging for a period of time after you found out where your mum was/you spoke to your sister that is still a sucess to be proud of. This is a journey of a 1000 steps and you will build on today whether it was a big step or you had a little stumble. 💐

Hi @cantstopeating1
I'm sorry for what you went through and especially for your mum's traitorous behaviour.

Unfortunately I've been through/am in this situation too. I said nothing until I was 42 (!) and had kids the same age I was back then (10-13). Then I made a statement against my brother, it went to court, he got put on the sex offenders register, and, still, my mother drinks tea with him, pretends it never happened, will be leaving the family farm to him in her will...

I don't know what to say about this attitude of silence and not wanting the truth to be known but it is so hurtful. I wish you the strength to be able to get through it, whether it's via counselling or whatever (for me, I hated my few counselling session but it might work for you).

Lots of hugs and fuck the abusers and the apologists!

@MyGuineaPigIsInnocent41 can you please send me details of the organisation you use. I have tried therapy in past but not trauma based. That might actually help me.

thavk you everyone. My day has been okay @LittleRedYarny i just met a new friend of DS’s in the park. I am overthink what I said as I tend to do that but I’m glad I went and met her for a playdate with our sons .

I would go no contact with your dreadful mum and sister.

If your mum knows what he did to you and chooses to maintain a relationship with him, she's an arse. I would go no contact OP.
I am so sorry. If anyone did that to either my son or daughter, relative or not, I would have to be held back! Certainly would not be keeping a friendship going. Sorry, OP

Good on you! I hope your weekend gets even better :)

Bless you, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me. I wanted to show solidarity. I now have BPD because of my abuse but it doesn't define me. Just as your abuse doesn't define you. You might not feel that right now but I promise you are not alone.

I also binge eat and have become 15st. I am now on a diet and determined to take control of my life.

My Mum also kept contact with my abuser. I went no contact. She eventually cut contact with him and now we have an OK relationship. I'll always know though who did and didn't do the decent thing when it mattered. Unfortunately OP I think most people are cowards and just want an easy life. Cut contact with her to make your point. You matter and her actions are an insult to you. I hope you can get through this. I'm sure you can. You're a survivor!