Is there is no way for him to turn his life around?

[GamerProblem]

Watching this situation with absolute despair and no idea what can be done.

He is 30 years old.

No job, no income, no real friends, virtually no qualifications, no motivation to do anything.

He plays video games every single day without a break until the early hours of the morning. It has been 3.5 years.

Says he’s too depressed to do anything, despite therapy and medication. Gets upset and aggressive when his family ask how they can help get him out of this rut.

How on earth can this situation be turned around??

This was my brother about 12 years ago. Just be thankful there’s no children involved. He has seven kids to 4 different women he’s been unable to create a relationship with. We can’t create a relationship with the children because they come and go.
If you think it couldn’t be worse, it could

It’s the parents house…. They should demand supplier remove it.

Omg
does he still live with your parents?

Tough love. Give him 3 month to sort out either a job, volunteering or a flat of his own.

He needs an assessment in general to cover things like ASD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, thyroid disorders, vitamin deficiencies etc.

But, likely the motivation for this really has to come from him. You can't force someone to take medication they don't want to or engage in therapy that they don't want to. Having information about his brain working differently won't help much if he's satisfied with how things are and isn't making changes because he doesn't want to (rather than wanting to make change but struggling).

Turn off the electricity at the main box! Its a joke but wow he took out his own internet?!

Maybe he does have depression, maybe he's just enjoying this easy life of doing naff all except gaming, knowing his parents will do everything else for him without daring to rock the boat. I'm on the side of doling out some tough love I'm afraid.

Gaming is an addiction, and like other addictions, the addict can’t control it. There needs to be an intervention. Gaming limited to certain hours, strict bedtimes and getting up times (no sitting up half the night). A bit of exercise every day, and do something constructive even if it’s not a job. Maybe a short course, or take up a hobby. He is obviously depressed and needs help to explore that. Some sort of counselling where they actually talk about his issues. Not CBT or other structured approaches, it needs to be fairly unstructured and just focused on actually talking about whatever is bothering him.

Someone will be along soon to blame you for everything OP. This is MN.
Ignore.
I second the turn off the leccy.

Turning off the electric is a bad idea. Would you just remove heroin cold turkey from an junkie? No of course not. You would get them on methadone to help wean them off. Removing an addict’s drug will make them angry, possibly violent and mentally distressed. Gaming is a drug and it needs to be treated like any other addiction. Reduce the dosage slowly and increase time spent doing other things.

False equivalence. Heroin has physical effects.

Me too. It is alright to spout but he's an addict, how does a parent help a 30 year old child that won't help himself? There really aren't many options left but tough love is the only way to help him as hard as it would be for a parent to watch.

In OP YES there is a way for him to turn his life round - he's only 30!!

Sorry meant to say in short**

Sounds similar to Hikikomori

This is exactly what I would do

I'm in a similar situation, similar age DS with a video game addiction, likely depressed, gets upset and aggressive when I try to gently discuss the future and has enough money to fund this lifestyle (not on benefits). Only difference is this started 3 years ago when he had to leave university in another country and come home because of Covid rules. There are likely many young people of that generation the same.

I worry 24 hours a day about him. I'm never not thinking of ways to get him to engage with life again - in any way he wants. He may have plans for the future but all I see when I go into his room is that damn game on multiple screens! He had friends which he met up with years ago but not recently.

It's stressful worrying about how he'll provide for himself when I'm not around and how isolated he is now.

My guess is it's a confidence issue with these young people but what'll get them to take the first step back into real life I've no idea.

My case isn't helped by DP enabling him, he refuses to talk to him about his plans and stops him helping in the house. Both parents need to be on the same page and it doesn't sound like in my or the OP's case they are.

You mention he's got money of his own from an inheritance, in which case I think the parents need to exercise tough love and kick him out, I can't see the situation improving at all if he stays

If someone could afford for him to have a complete break from his environment probably abroad to do an interesting course of at least 6 weeks - it might change his mind set.

How was he in school? Many people with undiagnosed ASD falter in early adulthood very much like this - can’t quite make the steps to independent living. Has there ever been signs?

Lockdown maybe?

This IS my son, the difference being that he was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum with ADHD as a child. He tried to be normal at school and then at college. It made him so miserable that at age 18 he felt suicidal. The psychiatrist put him on antidepressants, ADHD medication and he stopped pretending to be normal and started playing video games. He still had some anger issues so now takes antipsychotic medication as well. He is now 32, plays video games in his room but his mood is stable which is the most important thing for me. I claimed DLA on his behalf (now PIP) and he gets Employment Support allowance in the support group so he doesn’t have to do any work related activity. I run a small business and claim carers allowance because I have to do everything for him. My point is that depression like this is common with autism and it really does sound like your friends son could be on the spectrum. If that’s the case they need to get him a diagnosis and then all sorts of support will be available. They could claim PIP on his behalf even without a diagnosis because he needs help with day to day living. They could claim ESA on his behalf because he is unable to work. And when he gets PIP (they may need to fight for it but shouldn’t give in) one of them can claim carers allowance. Someone should have told them to do this years ago, but better late than never. Even if he isn’t on the spectrum he clearly needs help to function in his day to day life.

This is a terrible idea. He would end up suicidal and on the streets, he needs help not punishment. As I have posted he might have an undiagnosed condition.

Mine are 23 and 30 and I’ve had similar issues in the past.

furstly I had to bring back their childhood ‘family/house rules’. You live under this roof you contribute financially and/or physically. You have to help out with dog walks or cleaning the house, shopping… you have things to be responsible for outside of your bedroom door.

can he claim UC or something and put it towards the bills?

if he won’t engage after 3.5 years with the family in what solutions and his plans are then I’m afraid I’d be at tough love point.

At the moment they are facilitating this as there is no push to change or improve his life as no one is bothering him. He will still be there in 20 years.

they need to speak to careers associations and other folks, local GP etc maybe MIND as this behaviour goes beyond average depression.

As already mentioned by other poster this is so common in Japan it has a name Hikikamori.

Id suggest looking this up as it’s taken very seriously there. Im sure they have developed programs to help sufferers and their families deal with it.