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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I misunderstanding Snapchat or is it potentially quite controlling for young couples?

53 replies

AngryLegend · 14/09/2023 12:37

I have Snapchat to keep an eye on the kids.

And they have "ghost mode" on.

However I was speaking to a young adult recently who is in a relationship and they all still use Snapchat and can see each other on snap maps.

So basically young couples can see where their boyfriend or girlfriend is at all times, unless they put it on ghost mode in which may then look like a deliberate attempt at hiding where they are going.

Its just occurred to me how fucked up this is.

Or am I misunderstanding Snapchat or even the yoots today?

OP posts:

TheBarbieEffect · 14/09/2023 12:39

I don’t see the problem?

GCSister · 14/09/2023 12:40

As a family we use the 360 tracking app.
As long as everyone is aware/happy I don't see the issue.

Dragonsandcats · 14/09/2023 12:42

GCSister · 14/09/2023 12:40

As a family we use the 360 tracking app.
As long as everyone is aware/happy I don't see the issue.

Same.

redskytonights · 14/09/2023 12:42

I think it's normal amongst young people that they can all see where each other is. So they probably don't think anything of it.
Although if you didn't want to be tracked you would have it switched off before getting into the relationship. So it would never become an issue.

caerdydd12 · 14/09/2023 12:42

GCSister · 14/09/2023 12:40

As a family we use the 360 tracking app.
As long as everyone is aware/happy I don't see the issue.

Ditto.

ManateeFair · 14/09/2023 12:43

Well, pretty much anything can be 'quite controlling' if someone uses it in a controlling way. For example, just ordinary texting can be controlling if someone uses it to bombard their partner with messages and kicks off if they don't get a reply, or if someone demands photos from their partner all the time to prove that they are where they say they are (a friend's ex did this to her, eg if she was working late she had to send him a picture of herself at work with something that showed the current time, to prove where she was). So I think it's just how it's used, really.

swishswashswoosh · 14/09/2023 12:44

Personally I think it is wrong. In the face of it if everyone is happy there is no harm but if a relationship takes a toxic/controlling turn then I do believe absolutely it can be used against someone and abuse ensue.

Why can't we just go back to trusting our friends and family that they are where they say they are?!

marblesthecat · 14/09/2023 12:47

Yep a work colleague's young daughter broke up with a guy after he started to obsessively watch her snap map and quiz he on her whereabouts.

WandaWonder · 14/09/2023 12:50

If everyone is aware I have no issue, I don't track anyone and have no need I think the idea is weird but like anything up to others and again if mutal why would it matter?

CherryMaDeara · 14/09/2023 12:50

I think it can definitely be used to control partners especially women.

Molly McClaren was killed by her ex-boyfriend because he was tracking her on Snapchat without her knowledge. He stabbed her repeatedly in the car park of the gym she frequented.

I have Snapchat and enjoy keeping in touch with younger family members on it, and they can also my location. It does get a bit annoying when I’m going somewhere they want to go, as they ask me if they can come too next time!

Original poster

AngryLegend · 14/09/2023 12:52

Eh what you on about?

Im not talking about people keeping an eye on their kids.

OP posts:

Testina · 14/09/2023 12:53

@redskytonights “Although if you didn't want to be tracked you would have it switched off before getting into the relationship. So it would never become an issue.”

I think you’re very naïve.

You could start in a relationship and share location because it’s normalised for you, and helpful. And controlling abusive (let’s say men) don’t scare you off on day one. Hell, maybe he even drives out to get you to save you a walk home in the rain, because he can see where you are. What a keeper!
Then one day it’s, “so what are you doing at Sarah’s place? Who else is there? You didn’t mention you were going…?”
And you can’t just turn off sharing. Because what if he needs to find you? Why would you need to? What are you actually saying? That you NEED to hide where you are? Why?

Of course, you should break it off.

But we know for many women it’s not simple - emotionally or practically, perhaps.

Original poster

AngryLegend · 14/09/2023 12:53

Yep a work colleague's young daughter broke up with a guy after he started to obsessively watch her snap map and quiz he on her whereabouts.

THIS is exactly what I mean!

OP posts:

TeaAndTattoos · 14/09/2023 12:56

I don’t see an issue with it I use the 360 app and have my mum and my DH on it it’s great for knowing that everyone is safe.

Testina · 14/09/2023 12:58

I completed agree with you @AngryLegend
Of course, controlling, abusive people have always found a way to exert control. But the technology now is something else. Right there at your fingertips, no need to plant a tracker in her car at great expense then lose track when she gets out of it.
Literally a 24/7 live feed that you can check easily and for free.
I have no doubt that there are women right now in a living hell because of this technology.

GCSister · 14/09/2023 12:59

AngryLegend · 14/09/2023 12:52

Eh what you on about?

Im not talking about people keeping an eye on their kids.

When I said family I meant my DH....

I'm also in a separate 360 circle with my sister.

People always start to talk about trust but that's not a factor for us.

I'm travelling solo next week to a number of SE Asian countries and it's reassuring for me and my DH to share locations.

MissMillion · 14/09/2023 13:00

Everyone answering on a totally different subject of life 360 and Mums and Dads 🤯

Testina · 14/09/2023 13:00

Also, so many people now have a job where they can check their phone. So absolutely real time information on where the tracked person is.

For the vast majority of people it’s just amazing and so useful. For a minority, it is ruining their lives, I’m sure.

PuttingDownRoots · 14/09/2023 13:01

Teenagers think its normal as their parents have normalised it to them. Which then carries over into unhealthy relationships.

Hardbackwriter · 14/09/2023 13:01

I find these answers dystopian, but, as they show, this is really culturally normal now. It makes me really sad that my children might grow up to see it as totally normal to have the ability to see where your partner is at any given moment.

Pootles34 · 14/09/2023 13:03

Smartphones generally are very often used as a control method in abusive relationships. My relative is a nurse and recently had an expert in to talk to them about this issue, and how it relates to all the new medical apps that are coming out. In particular, they had one guy tried to kill his wife - I don't fully understand it but I believe her insulin pump was controlled by her phone, and he used this to try to kill her.

Comefromaway · 14/09/2023 13:03

I was astounded that my son can see exactly where his mates are on Snapchat. I joke about them stalking each other and they all just laughed it off.

Testina · 14/09/2023 13:04

MissMillion · 14/09/2023 13:00

Everyone answering on a totally different subject of life 360 and Mums and Dads 🤯

Yeah it’s weird!
My teenager mentioned in passing this week, “oh I only share location with people I’m good friends with, and know in real life”. Most of her friends have location on for everyone.

The problem is that the biggest risk isn’t from strangers, but from the people you’re most likely to happily share with - at first.

Original poster

AngryLegend · 14/09/2023 13:06

When I said family I meant my DH....

Did even bother to read the title of this thread? Let alone the OP?

OP posts:

Original poster

AngryLegend · 14/09/2023 13:07

Everyone answering on a totally different subject of life 360 and Mums and Dads

This!

OP posts:

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