Raising two families? Two at school then a baby?

56 replies

CPHB2021 · 14/09/2023 11:02

I'm back on the 'should we have a third' fence. I have 2DC now. 'One of each' and we thought we were done, two years ago we fell pregnant and decided to terminate. It was right at the time and I don't regret it because at the time we couldn't support a third, since then our jobs and future financial situation are much more positive. Our youngest starts school in 2024 and if I fell pregnant now I'd have a few months of them all being home before the older two were at school all day. I worry hugely we've missed the boat of having them as a little pack and if we had a third it'll forever be 'the older two and the baby' it's now or never and even still I worry the age gap will be too much. DS is almost 7 now and DD almost 4 🤔 any advice or experiences would be wonderful!

OP posts:

user14699084658 · 14/09/2023 17:35

From your posts, it seems a bit like you want a baby more than a third child? You obviously enjoy the baby stage - Have you considered baby fostering? Not entirely sure how it works, but lady at school does it. They seem to stay with her at least 6 months or so, sometimes longer.

Several of my friends have 3, it’s chaos, and not always in a good way! One ended up having a fourth as the two youngest were annoying the eldest, or the two eldest leaving the little one out, or the boys were picking on the girl…so they had a fourth to even up the teams!

wannabetraveler · 14/09/2023 17:42

Tangledbaby · 14/09/2023 12:49

You sound a lovely mum OP!

I’m pregnant with my second and I’m already like ‘omg this is the last time I’ll ever have a newborn!’ And baby isn’t even here yet! So I get it.

One thing I will say is that have you thought about the fact you presumably must have had your first as a teen? You’ve never been an adult without dependants and options. This can be daunting and I think you can have ‘tunnel vision’ that having kids and being a mum is ‘what you do’. If that makes sense?

My lovely mum had her first dc at 19 and then had a baby every 5-7 years, so whenever the youngest started school basically. She’s now 56 and only just stopped doing the school run as my youngest brother goes to college!

She did work alongside raising us and had her own house and everything. But she never had a ‘career’ to climb as needed flexibility for childcare and never had many friends outside of kids as limited childcare.

The past few years she’s gone through a serious depression. Her ‘identity’ has gone and she has nothing to focus on so is finding herself in her fifties. She isn’t ‘picking back up’ where she left off with anything as she’s never been a childfree adult. She doesn’t really know herself outside of being a mother and says everything seems ‘pointless’ as raising her kids was her life motivator.

I think if she’d started her family older, even by a few years it would be different. Or if she’d even stopped at 2 kids. I think it’s easier to ‘find yourself’ go to university, start a hobby, forge friendships in your mid-twenties with your whole life ahead of you outside being a mum, than it is in your fifties when your nearing retirement.

I actually think her having kids was a subconscious avoidance tactic to not have to face life in a way. By staying in the great but albeit restrictive ‘mum of small kids’ world. The perfect excuse/reason to not go for promotion, or have time to make new friends outside of kids, or find a path.

I think it is worth considering this OP because the ‘mum of smalls’ will have to stop somewhere and you’ll have to go through it. It may be easier to do in your twenties than later on.

best of luck whichever you decide!

There is such wisdom in this post!!

Nomorescreentime · 14/09/2023 17:53

My older two were 7 and 9 when my youngest was born. It’s been absolutely lovely! There are occasions where days out etc don’t flow as well as they would if they were all the same age, and I don’t have as much time to myself as I would like. On the whole though the older two love having the little one around, it gives them an excuse to stay young in a way. Youngest is 6 now and no regrets yet!

Mariposista · 14/09/2023 17:57

In a couple of years time your kids will be 9 and 6 - perfect ages to have a great family holiday, days out, nice walks/bike rides, share fun conversations, play board games. With a toddler in the mix? Changes the dynamic entirely.

TregunaMekoides · 14/09/2023 17:58

I've got really big age gaps between all of my siblings. I'm the "baby". We are most definitely "a pack".
Yes we were all at different stages at different ages when we were kids but that doesn't last. As adults we are incredibly close and that's the bit that counts for me.
You can have kids a matter of months apart and they will hate each other. When you're dealing with human beings, there are no guarantees.
If it's what you want, then go for it

I would rather have poked my own eyes out that had any other kids once my youngest had started school 😂

Original poster

CPHB2021 · 20/11/2025 23:22

Not sure how I’ve re found this post, but I thought I’d update it. We did go on to have a third child. I simply cannot explain the joy he has brought to us all. We all, completely unanimously, agree that he is the best thing to have happened to our family. Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment two years ago. I enjoyed re-reading this thread. X

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3