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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's really narcissistic....

39 replies

roommate · 13/09/2023 20:11

To wish people happy birthday on social media, rather than by phone or card, and to do it on your OWN page, with a photo of yourself with the subject?

Lol. Might be me!

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 13/09/2023 20:52

No, not really. Lazy? Maybe. Narcissistic? No.

Original poster
roommate · 13/09/2023 20:53

Ugh, must be me then.

"Happy Birthday ___ here's a photo of us looking great to show everyone how amazing we are on my feed to make your birthday about meeeeeee".

That's what I read into it.

Obviously I am a grinch.

OP posts:
HobbiddoH · 13/09/2023 20:54

The weirder ones for me is when they’re wishing their “mam in heaven” happy birthday

  1. She’s dead
  2. She probably didn’t have social media when she was alive
Either way, she definitely can’t see your message!
ThomasinaLivesHere · 13/09/2023 20:58

I don’t do it but I can’t say it bothers me. It’s usually photos of the two them over the years and with a message of the good times they had etc. I don’t read it as narcissistic. I’ve had someone do that to me and I thought it was sweet.

zusje · 13/09/2023 21:01

roommate · 13/09/2023 20:53

Ugh, must be me then.

"Happy Birthday ___ here's a photo of us looking great to show everyone how amazing we are on my feed to make your birthday about meeeeeee".

That's what I read into it.

Obviously I am a grinch.

I do this for my partner. For the sole reason he has crap family who have forgotten to wish him happy birthday numerous years. Same with his "friends" on SM (most of which are old uni mates, co workers etc). I've found that if I make a post on his own timeline none of my friends (genuine friends who I have regular contact with and know and like my partner) get to see it. If I post on my wall tagging him in it, his friends/family get to see it (and comment) but also all of my friends/family get to see it and comment/like the post. This way he actually gets birthday wishes and aknowledgement on his birthday, which beats our first year together when it was just me, his dad and my mum (he hadn't met my siblings yet) wishing him a happy birthday and him hugging me at night and saying in a voice that broke my heart "It's ok, I don't need them, you're my family now".

holachicatita · 13/09/2023 21:02

Totally agree.. also agree with PP who said about wishing happy birthday to dead relatives. I have a 'friend' on Facebook who today wished her granny a 'happy birthday in heaven, you would have been 103 today' along with a photo of a really old lady looking like she was on her death bed. Why????? What possesses people to do this?

HobbiddoH · 13/09/2023 21:04

Attention, pure and simple

Meadowdog · 13/09/2023 21:08

I agree OP if someone posts on their own page instead of the page of the person whose birthday it is. I have a couple of old schoolfriends wbo do this. Often they post a photo with themselves looking great but that's much less flattering of the birthday person!

inthvalley · 13/09/2023 21:16

HobbiddoH · 13/09/2023 20:54

The weirder ones for me is when they’re wishing their “mam in heaven” happy birthday

  1. She’s dead
  2. She probably didn’t have social media when she was alive
Either way, she definitely can’t see your message!

Maybe it brings a grieving person some comfort?

HobbiddoH · 13/09/2023 21:20

Maybe it brings a grieving person some comfort?

maybe it brings a grieving person some attention more like!

iamwhatiam23 · 13/09/2023 21:21

Op i agree with you, it's actually one of my pet hates. Its so self absorbed!

XenoBitch · 13/09/2023 21:23

holachicatita · 13/09/2023 21:02

Totally agree.. also agree with PP who said about wishing happy birthday to dead relatives. I have a 'friend' on Facebook who today wished her granny a 'happy birthday in heaven, you would have been 103 today' along with a photo of a really old lady looking like she was on her death bed. Why????? What possesses people to do this?

A lady on my FB wishes her dead nan Happy Birthday.... along the lines of "you would have been 123 today". Um, no she wouldn't have.

Some people have their FB set so no one can post on their wall. So tagging them on your own is an alternative way to publicly send them birthday greetings. I can't get hung up about it tbh.

oranges29 · 13/09/2023 21:29

HobbiddoH · 13/09/2023 21:20

Maybe it brings a grieving person some comfort?

maybe it brings a grieving person some attention more like!

And there's something wrong with that? Not all attention is bad.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 13/09/2023 21:32

The ones that make me cackle are when they pick a photo where they look acceptable, sometimes even pretty good (with a shitload of photoshopping usually) and the subject looks like pile of shit 😂 now that’s narcissism

TheRealHousewife · 13/09/2023 21:32

It’s more of a manipulative thing rather than narcissistic @roommate

tianabiscuit · 13/09/2023 21:33

holachicatita · 13/09/2023 21:02

Totally agree.. also agree with PP who said about wishing happy birthday to dead relatives. I have a 'friend' on Facebook who today wished her granny a 'happy birthday in heaven, you would have been 103 today' along with a photo of a really old lady looking like she was on her death bed. Why????? What possesses people to do this?

I know somebody that does this complete with a photo of the deceased's person's grave. Seems to live up the bloody cemetery she does.

Screamingabdabz · 13/09/2023 21:38

It’s completely wanky. We have a family who send us a Christmas card which is just pictures of them on holiday. What kind of person thinks that other folks want that shit displayed in their home at Christmas? A random couple on the beach and her husband’s double chin in shorts on a boat? Delusion.

Original poster
roommate · 13/09/2023 21:39

Some have you have made me feel quite guilty by pointing out it might sometimes bring the subject a bit of sunshine

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 13/09/2023 21:45

roommate · 13/09/2023 21:39

Some have you have made me feel quite guilty by pointing out it might sometimes bring the subject a bit of sunshine

Don’t fall for it. Your first instinct is bang on.

Invalidusername88 · 13/09/2023 21:47

zusje · 13/09/2023 21:01

I do this for my partner. For the sole reason he has crap family who have forgotten to wish him happy birthday numerous years. Same with his "friends" on SM (most of which are old uni mates, co workers etc). I've found that if I make a post on his own timeline none of my friends (genuine friends who I have regular contact with and know and like my partner) get to see it. If I post on my wall tagging him in it, his friends/family get to see it (and comment) but also all of my friends/family get to see it and comment/like the post. This way he actually gets birthday wishes and aknowledgement on his birthday, which beats our first year together when it was just me, his dad and my mum (he hadn't met my siblings yet) wishing him a happy birthday and him hugging me at night and saying in a voice that broke my heart "It's ok, I don't need them, you're my family now".

Edited
Show quote history

This was too sweet. You sound like a lovely person.

Original poster
roommate · 13/09/2023 21:51

@Meadowdog I am howling!

Often they post a photo with themselves looking great but that's much less flattering of the birthday person

Totally this!!!! I have ex school friends who do this and they look like Jessica Alba and I am drooling with toilet roll hanging out of my pants or something.

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 13/09/2023 21:52

holachicatita · 13/09/2023 21:02

Totally agree.. also agree with PP who said about wishing happy birthday to dead relatives. I have a 'friend' on Facebook who today wished her granny a 'happy birthday in heaven, you would have been 103 today' along with a photo of a really old lady looking like she was on her death bed. Why????? What possesses people to do this?

I love that, hilarious Grin

Original poster
roommate · 13/09/2023 21:52

TarquinOliverNimrod · 13/09/2023 21:32

The ones that make me cackle are when they pick a photo where they look acceptable, sometimes even pretty good (with a shitload of photoshopping usually) and the subject looks like pile of shit 😂 now that’s narcissism

Honestly, this is a complete pisstake isn't it

OP posts:
IneedcoffeeinanIV22 · 13/09/2023 21:54

Aw see I always post for my close friends and family, purely because I know they like it

AllOfThemWitches · 13/09/2023 21:56

I think anyone who regularly uses social media to issue updates about their fairly humdrum lives and post photo after photo of themselves is extremely self absorbed or absolutely desperate for people to think they are interesting.