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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't want to work anymore!

244 replies

ettieb · 13/09/2023 12:50

I'm 55 and have been working since I was 16 apart from a couple of years off when my son was little. I'm so over working. I don't hate my job.. I've worked there a long time... with lovely people.. my boss is great and I can choose whether I work from home or go into the office or a bit of both.. so I know I'm very lucky but I just want freedom to do what I want when I want. It doesn't help that a lot of my friends are retired and do lovely things which I want to join in with. I can't believe I've got to do this for another 12 years... there are no options for me financially to go part time. We are on holiday at the moment in Devon.. nothing fancy.. just a caravan and cooking for ourselves mostly as we can't really afford to eat out... but I'm as happy as Larry... just knitting.. doing crosswords.. generally bimbling around doing my own thing. I just think I wanted to moan!

OP posts:
DanielsDancingMonkey · 15/09/2023 09:00

I’ve had thirty years of a very high stress job, and am now taking a break. After 18 months, I’m just starting to feel that I’d like to go back to it. Life is not a one way street, and I’m lucky to have the option for time off.

AlrightThen · 15/09/2023 09:03

It's good you've written here. You've saved yourself money and time that would go to a psychotherapist. They would just tell you to be grateful.

Maybe try to save up and go to Spain for a change? Also appreciate you're still in a good health.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 15/09/2023 09:05

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 13/09/2023 13:29

but OP, you are ONLY 55! I would be terrified if you were my mum was planning on quitting work to do.. nothing. You would age decades before realising!

I really don't agree. My dad was lucky enough to retire at 55. He had about 20 'good' years of being able to travel, enjoy his hobbies and so on before ill-health descended and shrunk his world to very little. It certainly didn't age him - only age aged him. I'm glad he had 20 good years after working full-time all his adult life.

Edited

This
i retired at 55. I was burnt out with long hours, 65% of nights not in my own bed due to work travel etc. I was having the most awful menopausal symptoms and became depressed and having panic attacks. I was , looking back, quite ill.

The way I figure is that my mum and maternal grandma were both dead by 61. My dad is 86 and now has LBD. He spent his 60 and 70s travelling all over the world and doing all sorts of things in his retirement, was physically active etc. Then he got to 80 and his world closed in, he lost most of his sight, and now is sectioned under the mental health act and has been so for 6 months now. he has had around 18 years in which he enjoyed his retirement. Now he has no idea of where he is, what is happening and is plagued with terrifying delusions. In truth I’d certainly prefer to be dead than in his situation.

i hang out with a lot of women older than me- their ability to get out and about and enjoy the things they once did is limited in some cases. Ease of mobility hits first, so much pain walking and moving. Some can no longer indulge fully in the passions they’ve had for last 15-20 years. They’re pretty much all in their 70s.

so whilst we live longer and it’s true to say retiring at 55 means you may well be retired for 30 or even 40 years, most of that will not be in good health and fitness and being able to be independent

The irony is that the harder your physical work was during your working life, and the lower the wage/more deprived you were, the more your retirement from 70 years old will be fraught with illness, mobility issues and poverty.

The wealthy can retire at 70-75, with their sedentary work styles, better health outcomes, money etc. everyone else has been conned by government to think that increasing life expectancy means increasing happy leisure years . It is not true.

I retired with very specific focus on what I was going to do. I do a very small amount of volunteering but mainly indulge my hobbies . That has opened new horizons for me. I have now got a more active social life, less isolation, and many very good friendships. It has restored my mental health. At one time I thought I’d need to keep on doing part of my job to make ends meet until my state pension kicks in at 67. But I’ve looked at saving money, live fairly carefully on my pension and manage fine - I don’t have holidays but then I don’t need to even think about the work I used to do. After nearly 5 years now since I retired I don’t miss it, in fact the thought of that work makes me feel rather sick now.

if you can afford it, then aiming to retire in late 50s - early 60s is a positive- but only if you are self motivated and have plans about what you will be doing in retirement to keep you stimulated and engaged with the world. Certainly I’d be recommending anyone to try to save as much as possible to retire in mid 60s, or at least reduce their hours. It’s a fallacy and myth that you will be enjoying your retirement to the full in your 80s and 90s. Some will, but a lot won’t.

fridascruffs · 15/09/2023 09:07

I'm 58, single mother, no mortgage (I bought a long time ago), house price is about UK average I think. I work full time, like you a nice job that really motivates me I have other things to do in my life. DD finishes school next summer, and I am then going to quit work, sell the house, buy a couple of flats and live in one (will be not very luxurious or big) and rent the other, go hiking over the summer and then become a digital nomad I think, doing online tutoring. Not sure how it'll work out but we'll see. I might have to do the odd short term contract here and there. I wouldn't mind working UK summers, and going abroad in the winter. That's the plan anyway- dunno how it'll work out!

LaffTaff · 15/09/2023 09:08

I worked part time (2 days per week) before (3 years ago) stopping work completely (for various reasons, thankfully none of them health related). I'm 49 and I haven't missed work for one second! I am fitter, far more groomed (😂 I have time to get my nails/lashes/hair done regularly), I'm rarely tired and (the thing that I value most is) I'm happy. I hope to remain fortunate enough to never have to return to work! 🤞

Jellywobblescobbles · 15/09/2023 09:08

I have degenerative health issues and try not to think about working another 20 years although I may have to. I can’t afford to retire earlier. I try and make the very best of my life in (and especially outside) of work with hobbies, friends and family. I book a day off to do my own thing and have a breather from work when time allows.

givemeasunnyday · 15/09/2023 09:12

Retirement is definitely what you make it and doesn’t need to include the TV!

Most of the people I know who are retired find themselves busier than when they worked, the difference being that they are now doing the things they want to do. There are so many things people can do once they aren't shackled to their job - it's pretty sad if the only thing they can think of to do is watch TV!

user1477391263 · 15/09/2023 09:13

Kwasi · 15/09/2023 07:40

I used to live in China. A Chinese friend of mine retired this year at the national retirement age for women. She’s 50! Just five years older than me but I have another 22 or 23 years left!

Yep, which is why China's pension funds are going to go bankrupt in the 2030s....

IsleofSkies · 15/09/2023 09:13

You've answered your own questions- you can't afford to stop work.

Can you change your job for something more meaningful? Or better paid so you can work part time?

Do you have skills that mean you could be self employed and plan your own workload?

I'd start with the income you need to earn, then see if you can retrain over a few years and do something more flexible.

For example, I know a few women who trained as counsellors in their 50s. It took around 4 years but it meant they could work part time, self employed.

I think your issue is you are in financial difficulties now and it's getting a bit late to change careers if there is no wriggle-room in your income.

Are you a single parent or do you have a partner sharing the mortgage?

PuzzledObserver · 15/09/2023 09:14

Mia85 · 13/09/2023 21:16

Those of you retiring in your 50s, do you mind me asking how you worked out how much you needed and (if you've already taken the plunge) whether you think you got it right? It seems such a long time to plan for with so much that can change.

We have no children and the mortgage was paid off; DH had also inherited from his parents. We had both made a career change in our early 40’s to something more vocational which paid a lot less than we had previously been earning - so our pension savings from the first half of our working lives were at a much higher level than from the second half, but we had got used to living on a more modest income, iyswim.

We had a financial advisor who reviewed our investments with us twice a year. He asked us “what are you saving for?” and we realised that the answer was we wanted to be comfortable in retirement and be able to afford decent care if we needed it. We worked out that once our defined benefit pensions were all in payment, and we had our state pensions, that our monthly income would actually be higher than we were living on at that point. We also had personal pensions pots and other investments, which were enough to plug the gap until DB and state pensions came online, and leave plenty to pay for care for a good few years - bearing in mind we would still have our pension income, and if we both needed care then the house would be sold.

So we retired two years ago, aged 57 & 61.

There is a certain amount of bimbling that goes on - it’s nice to be able to bimble when you want to. Because the choirs, concerts, walking group, ukulele, orchestra, volunteering, book group, poetry, coffee mornings, church, visiting and hosting friends and family and all the other things we do, take up quite a lot of time and energy.

Maatandosiris · 15/09/2023 09:16

I’m with you, I’m lucky that I only do 4 days. I tried going back to 5, never again!!! I need me time to “bimble”

Could you look at moving area to give you more opportunities to do move things at the weekend? Compressed hours? Different job that would pay more so you could do less hours?

Querypost · 15/09/2023 09:18

A friend of mine died at 42 this week. She was perfectly healthy, heart attack out of the blue. I count my blessings. It's not a given that any of us will reach retirement sadly.

IsleofSkies · 15/09/2023 09:20

@Appleofmyeye2023 Your very long post assumes two things.

1 That people don't enjoy work
2 That people can afford to live for 30+ years on a pension (occupational or savings) before they reach 67.

Statistically, people who work longer, live longer. Working keeps people young unless they are doing a job they hate or it's physically too much for them.

The perfect solution is part time work and gradually reducing hours.

Many professionals keep working beyond 65 but reduce their workload.

I'm post retirement but work part time, as and when it suits me. It's interesting and almost a hobby.

I think one big issue is that many people don't invest in caring for their health and once they get to 70 they are overweight, have mobility issues and live 10 years semi-disabled. The diseases that once meant people died soon after retiring are now controlled or eradicated, but lifestyle (preventable) diseases have taken their place.

Jellywobblescobbles · 15/09/2023 09:21

givemeasunnyday · 15/09/2023 09:12

Retirement is definitely what you make it and doesn’t need to include the TV!

Most of the people I know who are retired find themselves busier than when they worked, the difference being that they are now doing the things they want to do. There are so many things people can do once they aren't shackled to their job - it's pretty sad if the only thing they can think of to do is watch TV!

If people want to watch tv when they retire (I know a few relatives who did this before retiring) then it’s not sad is it? Each to their own. Not good for cognitive decline but some people don’t have hobbies or put plans in place for retirement.

Thatmoaningmum · 15/09/2023 09:21

I was lucky enough to be a stay at home mum for 16 years (working family!) , I started work 2 years ago, and as hard as raising 6 children is, I’d rather do that all over again then spend the next 40yrs of my life doing this bullsh.
One life and it’s spent working to the point of exhaustion, taxed to the point of poverty , more and more and more expectations put on you & that work should be the priority over anything , even health.
i know some people love working , I don’t, I’d rather have nothing, but these kids need feeding.
In 2035 my youngest will be 18, and at that point I might sell everything and drop of the radar totally.

Iwantcakeeveryday · 15/09/2023 09:23

I hear this a lot around the 50 year age. My parents are in their late 70's and both still working. Mum hates it but its necessary for a bit longer, Dad loves working and will stop when he physically has to. The difference is, he loves his job, like I love my hobbies. He would go mad doing nothing or pottering, its not in his make up. he never moans about working, my whole life he has never moaned about it. Its only later in my own life that I shifted into something I enjoyed more myself, so he's a lesson for my kids. Find something you truly love doing, you will still have days where its hard work and you want a break but you'll have them less often.

Maatandosiris · 15/09/2023 09:23

LaffTaff · 15/09/2023 09:08

I worked part time (2 days per week) before (3 years ago) stopping work completely (for various reasons, thankfully none of them health related). I'm 49 and I haven't missed work for one second! I am fitter, far more groomed (😂 I have time to get my nails/lashes/hair done regularly), I'm rarely tired and (the thing that I value most is) I'm happy. I hope to remain fortunate enough to never have to return to work! 🤞

How have you managed this?

Trakand01 · 15/09/2023 09:26

I’m only 41 and I feel like this already. Most of my friends don’t work for one reason or another and I envy them going for breakfast after the school run etc. in all honestly I’ve got a good 25 years left to work before I can retire. I’m a civil servant though with a cracking pension so I’m just keeping putting as much as I can into that while I’m working full time in the hopes that I’m maybe 10 years I can then drop down to part time knowing I’ve secured a comfortable retirement when it comes.

Jellywobblescobbles · 15/09/2023 09:27

Querypost · 15/09/2023 09:18

A friend of mine died at 42 this week. She was perfectly healthy, heart attack out of the blue. I count my blessings. It's not a given that any of us will reach retirement sadly.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

It’s true that we need to live our lives right now. Retirement may never come.

Trakand01 · 15/09/2023 09:28

I completely agree. While I wish I didn’t have to work, at least I enjoy what I do.

BookWorm45 · 15/09/2023 09:29

I've noticed how my energy levels and overall health have declined since getting to around 50. This affects everything - how much energy there is for work, home, hobbies, exercise, etc etc.

While part time work can sometimes be beneficial, it's not the right answer for everyone. Also, many part time jobs expect / assume that the employee will just work extra hours in order to "catch up".

PaulaZackMayo · 15/09/2023 09:29

I've been thinking about my job. It's not the kind of job that I will ever been burnt out from, close to home, enjoy it and like my colleagues. Not really well paid but OK. So I don't yearn for retirement. Which is good because I can't.

I would panic if I lost this job and had to get a new one as I have worked in many places that I didn't love. Then I might be thinking totally different. This does worry me as I wouldn't have the option to retire.

Trakand01 · 15/09/2023 09:30

I agree. People who are happy to belittle what retirees want to do with their time are probably the same people who throw barbed comments and judge other parents. It’s people like that who make other people feel less than they are.

HairyBanana · 15/09/2023 09:32

I do understand that there is a difference in age and that must make a difference to priorities and also how you're feeling.

Wakintoblueskies · 15/09/2023 09:32

Querypost · 15/09/2023 09:18

A friend of mine died at 42 this week. She was perfectly healthy, heart attack out of the blue. I count my blessings. It's not a given that any of us will reach retirement sadly.

I am sorry to hear about your friend.

I had the same experience which is what spurred me on to give up a well paid, fulltime job.

Who knows what will happen in twenty years time and if any of us will be here.
Life is here and now and its on us to make the most of it day to day.

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