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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to work anymore!

244 replies

ettieb · 13/09/2023 12:50

I'm 55 and have been working since I was 16 apart from a couple of years off when my son was little. I'm so over working. I don't hate my job.. I've worked there a long time... with lovely people.. my boss is great and I can choose whether I work from home or go into the office or a bit of both.. so I know I'm very lucky but I just want freedom to do what I want when I want. It doesn't help that a lot of my friends are retired and do lovely things which I want to join in with. I can't believe I've got to do this for another 12 years... there are no options for me financially to go part time. We are on holiday at the moment in Devon.. nothing fancy.. just a caravan and cooking for ourselves mostly as we can't really afford to eat out... but I'm as happy as Larry... just knitting.. doing crosswords.. generally bimbling around doing my own thing. I just think I wanted to moan!

OP posts:
OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 13/09/2023 12:55

If you've explored all options and working full-time is unavoidable, there's not much to say. I sympathise - I would also love to retire and I'm not even 50 yet!

ManateeFair · 13/09/2023 13:06

Oh god, I know exactly what you mean. I feel like this now and I'm 47!

A while ago, DP and I both had a day off work with nothing in particular to do, and we both agreed that it was like a tantalising glimpse of retirement.

generally bimbling around doing my own thing

Exactly! That is absolutely living the dream as far as I'm concerned. I never, ever get bored if I'm just left to my own devices, and nor does DP.

sunnydayhereandnow · 13/09/2023 13:10

Are you able to take a break - a couple of months off? Sometimes when you factor in tax savings it doesn't actually cost that much to do...

PetiteNasturtium · 13/09/2023 13:11

It’s odd how life turns out, we can plan but not for everything. One thing I would say is I always looked at things with more head than heart.

GreyBlackBay · 13/09/2023 13:14

I think most people would like to retire but can't afford to.

Only suggestions I can make is to get cracking with retirement savings, even if it's only enough to retire a year or 2 earlier it might be worth it

Does your company do compressed working? Can you do another hour each day and get every other Friday off?

Or retrain into something you enjoy them it won't feel so much like work. Ideally you'd love your job so much you wouldn't want to retire.

Enjoy your holiday, sounds lovely.

Taptap2 · 13/09/2023 13:16

Common feeling in your 50s. Can you reduce your hours I’m now down to 3.5 days and will go down to 3 days when last child leaves school. I don’t think I would love to be completely retired working 2 or 3 days until I’m 60 or a year or two later I thin will be good. I have a chronic illness which has not helped but WFH has allowed me to stay in work.

JaneyGee · 13/09/2023 13:25

God, how I wish I didn't have to work. I hate it. I hate having to spend the only life I'll ever get doing something I don't want to do. I want to spend my days practising yoga and meditation, learning the guitar, studying the history of art, wandering around art galleries and museums, reading the classics, doing a degree in philosophy, watching the seasons change, photographing nature, caring for abused animals, etc, etc.

But if I don't work, I'll have to rent a tiny, depressing shithole in a grotty, depressing part of town, probably with noisy, violent neighbours. That's the reality of 'dropping out'.

DoubleTequilaSunrise · 13/09/2023 13:25

just knitting.. doing crosswords.. generally bimbling around doing my own thing

It might sound great when you are deprived of a long break (there's a reason why adults take sabbatical when they can afford them, most of us genuinely NEED time off, life is too short)

but OP, you are ONLY 55! I would be terrified if you were my mum was planning on quitting work to do.. nothing. You would age decades before realising!

Is there any way at all to increase your income (even doing a side something on saturdays for example) and plan a longer real break, maybe even an unpaid month?

it's natural to get bored after working somewhere for a long time, but you are still young enough to work on a healthy change.

Arniesleftleg · 13/09/2023 13:27

I think most people feel this way, especially if they are on holiday or have recently returned. I have no pension, neither does my DH. We will both be doing this till we're 75. Ill probably retire and die the day after!

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 13/09/2023 13:29

but OP, you are ONLY 55! I would be terrified if you were my mum was planning on quitting work to do.. nothing. You would age decades before realising!

I really don't agree. My dad was lucky enough to retire at 55. He had about 20 'good' years of being able to travel, enjoy his hobbies and so on before ill-health descended and shrunk his world to very little. It certainly didn't age him - only age aged him. I'm glad he had 20 good years after working full-time all his adult life.

LegendsBeyond · 13/09/2023 13:30

I totally get this. We’ve been saving for early retirement as both of us are sick of work. There’s so much else I’d rather be doing. I’m going at 57 if all goes to plan.

LegendsBeyond · 13/09/2023 13:33

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 13/09/2023 13:29

but OP, you are ONLY 55! I would be terrified if you were my mum was planning on quitting work to do.. nothing. You would age decades before realising!

I really don't agree. My dad was lucky enough to retire at 55. He had about 20 'good' years of being able to travel, enjoy his hobbies and so on before ill-health descended and shrunk his world to very little. It certainly didn't age him - only age aged him. I'm glad he had 20 good years after working full-time all his adult life.

Edited

I agree. My Dad also retired at 55 & was lucky enough to have 30 great years of travel, hobbies and relaxation before he got ill. He lived until his 90’s. I think the stress of his work would have killed him before that if he hadn’t retired early.

LouisaMayAlcott · 13/09/2023 13:37

My H and I are three years away from retirement and talk about it a LOT. I think it's natural as you get older. My parents partly retired in their early 50s and at the time I was in my late teens and couldn't understand why they'd want to go and live on a rural smallholding. Now I completely understand!

I won't probably ever properly retire because I am self employed and love what I do and can do it anywhere but I'm really looking forward to being able to decide how much work I do, and when. And just being able to go off on a holiday for as long as we like or take off for the day if the weather is nice.

DoubleTequilaSunrise · 13/09/2023 13:37

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 13/09/2023 13:29

but OP, you are ONLY 55! I would be terrified if you were my mum was planning on quitting work to do.. nothing. You would age decades before realising!

I really don't agree. My dad was lucky enough to retire at 55. He had about 20 'good' years of being able to travel, enjoy his hobbies and so on before ill-health descended and shrunk his world to very little. It certainly didn't age him - only age aged him. I'm glad he had 20 good years after working full-time all his adult life.

Edited

but he travelled, did hobbies... My point was about pottering around, doing knitting and gardening. If you are active, you can happily retire at 30 (if you can afford it 😂).

the OP was talking about just knitting.. doing crosswords. A social life, and physical and mental activities are essential to keep you healthy and young.

Look at the horrendous effect of the lockdown on so many people.... boredom and isolation are not good.

I would say it sounds like she'd be better off shacking things off at work and making her full-time working hours more interesting, or planning proper longer breaks before making any long-term decision.

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 13/09/2023 13:41

DoubleTequilaSunrise · 13/09/2023 13:37

but he travelled, did hobbies... My point was about pottering around, doing knitting and gardening. If you are active, you can happily retire at 30 (if you can afford it 😂).

the OP was talking about just knitting.. doing crosswords. A social life, and physical and mental activities are essential to keep you healthy and young.

Look at the horrendous effect of the lockdown on so many people.... boredom and isolation are not good.

I would say it sounds like she'd be better off shacking things off at work and making her full-time working hours more interesting, or planning proper longer breaks before making any long-term decision.

Show quote history

What are crosswords and knitting if not hobbies? You can't compare retirement with lockdown - we were all stuck at home, unable to see friends and family or go anywhere but the supermarket, with the ever-present threat of being ill hanging over our heads.

OP is on holiday as she writes - she hasn't said she wouldn't travel, and how far afield is up to the individual.

Nat6999 · 13/09/2023 13:53

I finished work on ill health grounds at 45, I'm 57 now & if there was a miracle & I recovered, there is no way I would go back to work, I love being at home. Finishing when I did gave me time to be a full time mum, I had missed out on ds being a toddler & preschool, he was 7 when I stopped work.

coxesorangepippin · 13/09/2023 13:54

Same here

I'd be quite happy just pottering around, it snot like I have massively expensive tastes!

ismu · 13/09/2023 13:56

It's funny that people who can't afford to retire always get told they would age or get bored!!! Lots of extremely rich people do "nothing" eg enjoy their life and take time for themselves. Funny how we don't accuse them of ageing or getting bored!!!

coxesorangepippin · 13/09/2023 13:58

It's not!

Isittimetoretire · 13/09/2023 14:09

I've been feeling like this for a few weeks. Unfortunately for me I am only 38..

Farmageddon · 13/09/2023 14:10

DoubleTequilaSunrise · 13/09/2023 13:37

but he travelled, did hobbies... My point was about pottering around, doing knitting and gardening. If you are active, you can happily retire at 30 (if you can afford it 😂).

the OP was talking about just knitting.. doing crosswords. A social life, and physical and mental activities are essential to keep you healthy and young.

Look at the horrendous effect of the lockdown on so many people.... boredom and isolation are not good.

I would say it sounds like she'd be better off shacking things off at work and making her full-time working hours more interesting, or planning proper longer breaks before making any long-term decision.

Show quote history

But some people love knitting or other solitary hobbies. And it's possible to have a good social life without paid work, in fact many women thrive in retirement, so long as they make an effort to keep structure in their lives. I hate this idea that paid work is the only meaningful way to spend our time, it's ridiculous.

Also lockdown is a bad comparator - people weren't allowed to leave their house or go visit loved ones, that's not what retirement is.

OP have you paid off your mortgage? Would you be able/ willing to downsize or move to a cheaper part of the country? If you'd be happy with a simpler life then there are ways to make that happen. Or you could try and negotiate a 4 day week for a few years, to get more free time.

Illegallyblonder · 13/09/2023 14:17

I feel the same. I've been working for over 40 years and I'm knackered and bored of it all. I would love, love, love to retire. I'd draw and read and walk and visit friends and family and travel a bit, maybe I'd do a course in social history or art.
No way would I be bored, I'd love it. I'd also get on a better schedule, going to bed at midnight or 1am and waking around 10 or 11am.
There is no chance of my retiring any time soon though, sadly.

ilovesooty · 13/09/2023 14:17

I'm sure most people would prefer not to work.

Illegallyblonder · 13/09/2023 14:18

And there's nothing wrong with knitting and crosswords!

JaneyGee · 13/09/2023 14:19

People say that you'll get bored if you retire "like my dad did," or "like my aunt." But just becuase one person gets bored that doesn't mean everyone will. It really depends on the individual. I know someone who hates the weekends because he doesn't know what to do with himself. Other people never get bored. I could be alone on a desert island for ten years and be perfectly happy if I had books.