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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Emergrated mil in UK for 8 months. Seen us for 7 of these days

46 replies

DyslexicPoster · 13/09/2023 09:03

Mil sent me and dh the date she is leaving the UK

Sort of 'I return on X day'

I was thinking 'and?' Where is the rest of your sentence? So I asked. Do you want to see us? She is too busy unless we drive to her. We said fine but only free at weekend ( job, school kids)

Now she is mentioning her 3 massive cases and the flight to the airport. I think she just wants a lift to the airport. That's 85 miles just to pick her up on a work and a school day when she hasn't had time to see us over the summer when the kids was off. I dreamed I shouted at her last night.

I have told dh this is his problem.

OP posts:
Catza · 13/09/2023 09:16

You shouldn't have prompted her for more information.
"I'll be back on the x date"
"Great to hear it, have a safe flight"

End of conversation.

Nap1983 · 13/09/2023 09:17

Sorry we are busy that day, heres a taxi number. Goodbye

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/09/2023 09:19

I'd just reply 'hope the trip back goes well, it was lovely seeing you'

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 13/09/2023 09:21

Assuming she's an adult, she can ask for something if she needs it, if it isn't offered.

Caroparo52 · 13/09/2023 09:32

Cheeky monkey... I'd be saying...have a safe flight. Let us know you're home safely.

jannier · 13/09/2023 09:47

Shame you didn't get the time to see us have a safe flight.

Original poster
DyslexicPoster · 13/09/2023 10:08

Yes I should not have asked in hindsight. It was part of longer text originally. Then sent again just on its own when I skimmed over her saying it.

There's no way to give her a lift unless dh books that day off work. I can't fit it around school drop off.

I do think if she wanted a lift from us she needed to staying closer to us for it. Not in another county. I might suggest dh looks at hotels near the airport.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 13/09/2023 10:50

She is an adult who has presumably raised at least one child to adulthood and has sorted her travel to/from the UK. She is able to sort out airport transport. Let your dh handle it. If he can and chooses to take the day off then he can, or he can help her to book an airport transfer, if she needs it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2023 11:11

YANBU at all to leave this to your husband to resolve, and HWNBU to say no if she actually asks.

LlynTegid · 13/09/2023 11:14

Oh dear DH cannot get the day off work, sounds a reasonable response.

MagpiePi · 13/09/2023 11:17

I don't understand.

She has told you when she's leaving and that she has a lot of luggage and you are assuming this means she is expecting you to give her a lift to the airport?

Are you actually stressed because you think she should have made more effort to see you and the grandchildren?

Original poster
DyslexicPoster · 13/09/2023 15:01

MagpiePi · 13/09/2023 11:17

I don't understand.

She has told you when she's leaving and that she has a lot of luggage and you are assuming this means she is expecting you to give her a lift to the airport?

Are you actually stressed because you think she should have made more effort to see you and the grandchildren?

Edited

I replied saying did she want to see us before she goes. She said is around but busy so can see us in London on a school weekday or in another county. She then goes on about booking a taxi with three big cases.

Like the "I'm leaving on x day" the taxi and three big cases feels like she wants something but not going to ask. She is waiting for me to offer.

She has been all over the UK during her time here. We seem to get the scraps of her time like picking her up, dropping her back off.

OP posts:
historyrepeatz · 13/09/2023 15:06

"Such a shame you didn't have more time to squeeze us in. We would have offered to drop you to the airport but unfortunately it's not feasible with work and school."

Freddiefox · 13/09/2023 15:08

I don’t get why you are making it your problem? Let dh deal with it, does he want to give her a lift? And take a days leave surely it’s up to him to reply.

EvilElsa · 13/09/2023 15:11

Just don't offer? Surely if you don't offer then it won't be an issue unless she asks.

Zimunya · 13/09/2023 15:15

I replied saying did she want to see us before she goes. She said is around but busy so can see us in London on a school weekday or in another county. She then goes on about booking a taxi with three big cases.

"Hi Mil. So lovely we got to see you whilst you were here. I'm afraid we won't be able to make it to London on a school day, as we can't take the children out of school. As school has now started the children have weekend activities, so travel to another county over the weekend will be difficult. I hope you've enjoyed your trip, and that you have a safe flight. Much love, Dyslexic"

Zimunya · 13/09/2023 15:15

historyrepeatz · 13/09/2023 15:06

"Such a shame you didn't have more time to squeeze us in. We would have offered to drop you to the airport but unfortunately it's not feasible with work and school."

I like this :)

greenspaces4peace · 13/09/2023 15:18

She didn’t ask, simply don’t offer.

INeedAnotherName · 13/09/2023 15:23

I cant see a problem so why are you trying to make one?

She hasn't asked for a lift - so don't offer.
If she asks for one - tell DH to sort it or let him refuse.

You don't have to do or say anything :/

DuploTrain · 13/09/2023 15:23

Do feel free to come over and see us if you get time before you go 😁

Thats what I would reply.

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2023 15:28

Let her son sort it out with her

Original poster
DyslexicPoster · 13/09/2023 16:14

I have actually fallen out with her quite seriously before about her wanting things from dh but coming via me. Absolutely drawn my line in the sand in neon lights.

Mil expects me to nad dh. Dh expects to take his flack. I have told him in no uncertain terms it's his problem.

I have told mil to talk to him. However they both continue to disregard my boundaries. Dh is very clearly a shit son. He really is.

OP posts:
Original poster
DyslexicPoster · 13/09/2023 16:17

In the middle man so the fall guy. I went NC with mil over this before. I told her I'm always going to blamed for things going wrong when they don't talk directly. Mil says she comes to me because dh ignores her. So to be the good guy I try to help her but she gives me grief for his actions, blames me, shits all over my kindness. Dh is happy to sit back with popcorn see his mum in tears and me raging mad.

No. He has no redeeming features btw

OP posts:
BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 13/09/2023 16:20

He may be a shit son, but she sounds sounds a rather rubbish mother.

Why do you have to 'be the good guy'? Get some popcorn for yourself and leave them both to it.

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 13/09/2023 16:21

And you clearly haven't 'drawn your line in the sand in neon lights' if you're still engaging.

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