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Original poster

Hate my new job and manager

31 replies

Hatemynewjob12 · 13/09/2023 06:27

Started my new job monday and naturally the people I work with we’re asking about myself and my family. In conversation they asked me and I told them the name of school my youngest attends (a private one). He got really angry (manager) and went into a huge monologue of things like “I went to uni with some privately educated people and they were thick”, “how much money do you even have to afford this?”, “I think people who send their kids private just have money to burn”. His comments really upset me, I didn’t say anything and he kept me an extra 45 minutes after when I was supposed to leave to keep telling me all this.

my child has needs and didn’t cope in mainstream like her older 2 siblings. We decided to do this for her not for any prestigious reasons. She is absolutely thriving. I’m really upset at his comments. Other people in department were not there and they seem nice, shall I mention to them how upset I was and hopefully it should get to him somehow? I’ve decided to leave after trial probation (6 weeks).

OP posts:
lionsleepstonight · 13/09/2023 06:30

I'd complain to HR and put it in writing. Exactly what you put above.

VerticalSausages · 13/09/2023 06:31

Its only going to make it more awkward for you and everyone. If you are going to leave after 6 weeks, you can tell him then (very directly) why you are leaving.

Original poster
Hatemynewjob12 · 13/09/2023 06:35

@VerticalSausages sorry got drip feed I could add out all in. They’ve struggled to fill the role as everyone leaves. There’s one woman there who is leaving in 3 weeks. I don’t care about it being awkward as he made it that way. There was no need to say all those things. That’s why I think you shouldn’t share anything with new colleagues but I thought I’d be more open.

OP posts:
Evaka · 13/09/2023 06:43

Eh, he sounds deranged. As PP said, write it all down and give to the HR team. I'd leave straight away though. Why wait six weeks?

And I know this isn't easy for everyone, but please try standing up for yourself in these situations. You don't have to sit for 45 mins listening to this loon. You could have told him 'I'm not having this conversation about my family'. And walked left.

AuroraForever · 13/09/2023 06:48

So did you say anything to him at the time like ‘I beg your fucking pardon?’

Report straightaway to HR and get out of there. He’s a twat.

jeaux90 · 13/09/2023 06:48

I did the same OP private school for my lovely DD14 because she has ASS and ADHD and can't deal with the large school and classes.

Again thriving.

I'd report him too. Looks like there has been an ongoing problem with him, can anyone else also complain?

And honestly as a senior in a company I would be mortified if I heard this was going on within my sphere!

jeaux90 · 13/09/2023 06:49

That should read ASD.

Original poster
Hatemynewjob12 · 13/09/2023 06:50

It was really upsetting for me. I’m very quiet and don’t like confrontation. He was really angry! I could feel the horrible atmosphere and tension. I know it was jealously more than anything as it seems to have hit a nerve with him. People do lots of things I don’t agree with but I just smile and think inwardly what I think I would never do what he did. I need to be stronger! I came I’m home really upset and think my kids could sense something. Even now I’m typing this instead of getting ready!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hatemynewjob12 · 13/09/2023 06:51

I think it hit a nerve with me also if I’m being truthful. I think everyday is it really worth it? I know it’s the right decision but I second guess myself all the time.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/09/2023 06:55

Why on earth did you stay for 45 minutes after your leaving time listening to him?

Lengokengo · 13/09/2023 06:56

leave sooner than later. He specifically did it because he saw he had hit a nerve. If your ‘nerve’ has been sky diving, he will have had a rant about that.

if you can manage it, ask HR how they investigate preventative resignations, ie do they track staff turnover. If they have had high turnover in one team it’s their responsibility to investigate. I would leave earlier and stay looking again, and request an exit interview also.

in similar circumstances, I stayed and it nearly broke my mental health. I should have left immediately.

Bluewitch · 13/09/2023 06:57

Report it.

What he did was unacceptable and it made you feel uncomfortable and even threatened.

I bet this man has a history of intimidating staff, especially if they are women...

Thelonelygiraffe · 13/09/2023 06:58

Evaka · 13/09/2023 06:43

Eh, he sounds deranged. As PP said, write it all down and give to the HR team. I'd leave straight away though. Why wait six weeks?

And I know this isn't easy for everyone, but please try standing up for yourself in these situations. You don't have to sit for 45 mins listening to this loon. You could have told him 'I'm not having this conversation about my family'. And walked left.

This!

Why didn't you say something at the time?

Thelonelygiraffe · 13/09/2023 07:00

Maybe you could do with some counselling or self-assertiveness training, op?

You have made the right decision for your dc, you and your h agree, and it's none of anyone else's business what you do!

Try not to worry about what other people think.

Your boss is clearly a lunatic, though. I'd let HR know why you're leaving.

laladoodoo · 13/09/2023 07:00

There's no merit in seeing out the probation - you would be better to leave now and not waste your time!

PinkFrogss · 13/09/2023 07:01

He kept you 45 minutes late to bitch about your daughter going to private school? Unbelievably strange.

Start job hunting.

Magenta82 · 13/09/2023 07:03

This is nasty bullying, report it.

Is there a reason for you to stay the 6 weeks? Do you need the money, or the time to find another job? If it were me I would tell HR that I couldn't work in such a bullying environment and that unless they could make serious changes I would leave. You say the job is hard to fill, so you have this on your side. They might fix it, they may not, a lot of companies would pay your notice by way of an apology.

TheCraftyOne · 13/09/2023 07:31

Going against the grain, these comments wouldn't have bothered me. I'd have just let them all go over my head. But it would have told me how much of a dickhead he obviously is to voice those type of comments when they weren't asked for. Whilst I agree with his thought process, those types of comments should never be said out loud.

FrodisCapering · 13/09/2023 07:34

If he does it again, laugh at him.

You do not need to justify your choice either

Panicking23 · 13/09/2023 07:39

I'd take him aside next time, and tell him you're not justifying yourself but explain the situation and remind him people make choices based on their own particular set of circumstances and what he said was rude.

I disagree with private education, I believe education should be free and equitable and unfortunately its not the case as you've witnessed. I would never have voiced that to you if you disclosed your child was privately educated because I know people make these choices because we don't have a free and equitable education system and that's their right to as parents.

Gazelda · 13/09/2023 07:47

I'd be reporting the details to HR, packing up my stuff and walking out. How dare he make a new employee (any employee) listen to his rant.

Catza · 13/09/2023 09:20

I am also going for the HR option. This is unacceptable behaviour in the workplace and you should not feel like you have to leave the job because of it. He should.
Please don't remain silent. Even if you don't like confrontation, you should really speak to the HR about it. Nobody will force you to confront him in person but the company should absolutely be aware of the issues.

MathsIsFab · 13/09/2023 09:28

Wow if he got so angry on this just imagine what he ll do if you make a genuine mistake or if you need to leave earlier due to an emergency

the fact is work dynamics is as good as the manager themselves!

if you can afford to leave I would do it now but I would definitely tell HR reason why; even if you leave in 6 weeks tell them why

finally if at all possible try to be strong to face dicks like this… just for you basically and your own mental well being!

letspopthekettleon · 13/09/2023 15:24

Report it straight away to HR. Obviously there's an issue there with him. Hopefully he'll get pushed out and you'll be able to keep your job. Why should you leave just because your boss isn't professional.

Original poster
Hatemynewjob12 · 13/09/2023 21:37

Thank you everyone. It was really awkward in work today. I really dislike this guy. He seems to have a chip on his shoulder. He was asking me today what job my husband does! The work we do is very low pay relatively so he must have been thinking if this all day yesterday. I really don’t like him, he seems like such an idiot.

OP posts: