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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner of 8 years not invited to wedding

52 replies

NHOU1 · 12/09/2023 18:29

I (49F) have been invited to a wedding - AIBU to expect that my partner (48M) (we've lived together for 8 years) should also be invited? Bride is Canadian and it is being slanted that as most of her family will be travelling here for the wedding she should have 75% of the invited guests so numbers are restricted for his side. It won't be a cheap day (outfit/present/drinks/travel to and from venue) - would you go or not? 😕

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 12/09/2023 18:32

What relationship are you to the bride and groom? Do they know your partner?

takealettermsjones · 12/09/2023 18:33

I don't think there's any "should" about it - they can invite who they want, he's not invited, it's your choice whether you go or not. Unless of course the groom is your brother or something, in which case it's weird.

I'd go if I knew someone else there (not just the bride/groom).

Dotcheck · 12/09/2023 18:33

How are you related?

Iamlikesorry · 12/09/2023 18:33

I was invited to a very small wedding last year on my own, and tbh, I was quite relieved. My DH doesn't know her that well, he wouldn't have enjoyed it and he would have cramped my style. We've been together getting on 20 years. So, yes, personally I'd go!

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2023 18:33

If a work colleague then I wouldn't expect my partner to be invited

If family, depends how close and do they know each other?

fairyfluf · 12/09/2023 18:35

If they as a couple have written down who they want to invite and then decided unfortunately your partner doesn't make the cut then so be it. Their story could be legit OR they might hate your partner.

fairyfluf · 12/09/2023 18:36

And its up to you if you go or not

RampantIvy · 12/09/2023 18:37

I (49F) have been invited to a wedding - AIBU to expect that my partner (48M)

I'm struggling to understand the relevance of 49F and 48M TBH.

I'm invited to an evening wedding do in a couple of weeks, but DH isn't invited as it is someone from work who doesn't know any of our husbands/partners. I don't have a problem with that.

We need more information to give a balanced opinion. If it is close family then it is disappointing. If not then YABU.

Certainlyreally · 12/09/2023 18:37

do you like the bride / groom ?
can you do it logistically and financially?

if so, yes

if not no

DinnaeFashYersel · 12/09/2023 18:39

Is this a close relative in which case it's a shame.

Otherwise YABU

Daffodilwoman · 12/09/2023 18:40

I’m in the camp of inviting partners. Unless you are invited as part of a friendship group so that a group of you will be seated together.
What relation are you to the bride/ groom? Will you be with people you know?
If I was expected to sit amongst strangers then no, I would decline the invitation. I know everyone is different but it would send my anxiety through the roof so I’d let them invite someone else instead.

sleepyscientist · 12/09/2023 18:40

How do you know the couple? Work friends I can understand but family or socially surely you come as a pair. We wrote our guest list and picked the venue to fit the guest list.

Asian weddings are easily 400 people and to be honest I think it works best for maintaining friendships and family relationships vs this it's the bride/grooms choice (limited by venue size).

cruffinsmuffin · 12/09/2023 18:43

As PP have asked, what's your relationship with the couple? Do they know your partner?

Tbh if her family are flying on £££ flights, using annual leave and paying a fortune to come to wherever you are I can understand her guest list being hefty! Guest lists always have limits, unfortunately your partner didn't make the cut. Unless the backstory is he lost his milk teeth with the groom, it's not really being unreasonable.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 12/09/2023 18:48

Unless it's work colleagues who can go as a group it's very rude to only invite half of a cohabiting couple. I turned down an invite to a close relative's wedding because she had a 'no ring, no bring' policy. I was pregnant at the time, it was expensive to attend and it would have been embarrassing to have to explain to other relatives why now DH wasn't there.

YWNBU to decline the invite.

VisionsOfSplendour · 12/09/2023 18:55

It's up to the B & G who they invite, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if you don't want to go by yourself politely decline the invitation.

VisionsOfSplendour · 12/09/2023 18:56

IkeaMeatballGravy · 12/09/2023 18:48

Unless it's work colleagues who can go as a group it's very rude to only invite half of a cohabiting couple. I turned down an invite to a close relative's wedding because she had a 'no ring, no bring' policy. I was pregnant at the time, it was expensive to attend and it would have been embarrassing to have to explain to other relatives why now DH wasn't there.

YWNBU to decline the invite.

Why would it have been embarassing, did the other guests not know about the no ring no bring policy or had you previously pretended you were married?

TheBarbieEffect · 12/09/2023 18:57

YABU. You’re not married so you haven’t committed yourself.

Marinettethebug · 12/09/2023 19:02

TheBarbieEffect · 12/09/2023 18:57

YABU. You’re not married so you haven’t committed yourself.

I dont understand this mentality. They've been together 8 years and live together. That shows plenty of commitment to each other.

ColloidalSliver · 12/09/2023 19:06

I absolutely wouldn't go because I cba with weddings, especially if they involve expense and inconvenience. DP being excluded might be another reason not to bother, but it wouldn't be the primary one.

caringcarer · 12/09/2023 19:06

I'd not want to go to a wedding on my own. I'd turn down the invitation but send a card wishing them well. On the bright side it would make one more space for the bride's family

MidnightOnceMore · 12/09/2023 19:07

I would decline in these circs I think.

Yarnysaurus · 12/09/2023 19:07

They can invite who they like, but you can decline the invitation. It's an invitation not a summons and all that.

Marblessolveeverything · 12/09/2023 19:08

A lot of my family do the no ring no bring rule 🤷‍♂️

And to be retro,"it's an invite not a summons"😜

SleepingStandingUp · 12/09/2023 19:10

I mean honestly it's hard to tell. Is it your brother or a work mate? Is it someone you and DP see with him and his partner a lot and on couples of a mate you meet up with alone?

Ultimately, of you're going to complain that the first list isn't to your liking, don't go.

MargotBamborough · 12/09/2023 19:10

Do you know other people who are going to the wedding or are you likely to be stuck on a table with randoms making small talk?

I've only been invited to one wedding without my now husband. It was on a Friday, a five hour drive away, and I didn't know any of the other guests. I didn't go.