Mumsnet affair hypocrisy

[WonderLandfan]

Anyone else notice how when a woman posts about her DH cheating, he is the scum of the earth and should be left immediately;

When a woman posts she is the Cheater, she is just going through a rough time and the responses are much softer... especially if the poster reveals how awful her current parent is to justify the cheating.

Also, in the past, seen comments such as "you don't have to tell him"

I’m assuming you’re talking about the recent post ? YANBU

@DustyLee123 not just the recent post but a lot of posts from the past - it seems on Mumsnet, it's okay for a woman to cheat but not a man

nah - i disagree - most posters who say they have had/having an affair get their arse roundly handed to them on a plate!

Well, I'm not sure you would call that sexist. A better comparison would be between a man confessing to cheating on MN as opposed to a woman.

Obviously there isn't much point in beating a remorseful cheat while they are down and looking for advice (although many will). However, a woman that has been cheated on might appreciate their partner being slammed or criticised while they're angry and coming to terms with an awful situation.

Most do, but then there's the few who claim that you're misogynistic of you tell op to have some accountability for her actions

@Curseofthenation I didn't say sexist, I said hypocritical

I notice it's always the same script as well - it starts off with how awful their current partner is to try and favour opinions

It's the same thing though...people are responding to two different types of poster in very different situations.

It's not the same people commenting on every thread, and - strangely enough - different people have different perspectives and opinions. So not double standards.

It's more the weird reasoning: men cheat, it's a fact, regardless of any circumstances at home, however happy they are, it's in their nature.

Only deeply unhappy wives can be pushed to cheat.

We don't have enough same-sex couples on this forum, it would make a refreshing change for such discussion, when you cannot blame a penis for everything.

No i disagree - i think both men and women get a hard time on here if they have affairs.

I haven’t noticed that actually. I think attitudes to women who cheat are really harsh on here.

I actually find this site to be very knee-jerk about both sexes having affairs. A lot of people on here are projecting.

No I don't find that to be the case at all.

Could you post an example of a thread where the woman gets a sympathetic hearing?

There's a very recent friend on here in which the OM and her current partner are absolutely awful and no comment on her behaviour

No I really haven't seen this TBH. Mumsnet is pretty hardline on this as a rule. I think MN attitudes to cheating are cookie cutter moral majority most of the time.

For the record I don't approve of cheating but as the product of an affair which turned into a 45 year happy marriage I instinctively realise the world is more nuanced than people would have you believe and cheating does regrettably sometimes happen and it doesn't automatically follow that the participants are going to drown in a pit of brimstone for eternity.

There is a definite double standard.

If a man strays because of a lack of sex, he is a total bastard and sex isn’t a right. If a woman strays, it is because he has not ‘met her needs’ and it is inevitable.

But, it’s the internet and a female dominated site. The bias would probably be the opposite on a male dominated one.

Definitely! It's not just with cheating though. It's with everything male female related.
Abuse
If a woman is being badly treated (ie yelled at, etc) it is abuse and she should contact women's aid and get out ASAP.

If a man is treated badly, they ask 'but what did he do, to make you act like that. He must have treated you horribly for you to do that. Poor girl'

Maintenance payment.

Dad should always pay, the insufferable bastard. Oh he took a paycut and had a new family? 'there is no nuance, he cannot leave his family high and dry and think he can galavant with his new family?? Pay up!'

Moms on the other hand.
Oh you've lost your job, he can't expect you to pay?? Surely, he should realise you have a new family to support?

There was a thread here recently where a mom was the resident parent and thus received maintenance form the father. The dd then moved to her father as a main carer as the mom wanted to study and people said 'no you'd be cruel to stop paying maintenence! It's not morally right, she trying to better her life, pay!

If it was a man they would say, cheeky fucker, trying to study to get out of CM payment.

Even with teenage /young adult relationships. The young boys must dare to do xyz. The girls 'ahh she's still young, we all make mistakes'

Its sickening to me rally and put me off of mumsnet a lot. But I guess it just mirroring current society where a straight white male is the epitome of lucifer. And amuthing inexplicable is always the patriarchy! Even women's bad behaviour, 'we've been conditioned through the patriarchy'

Why shouldn't it be? This is one of the vanishingly few spaces online (or anywhere) where women are in charge, set the tone, and aren't blamed for every fucking things that goes wrong.

@ohhbaby it's clearly not put you off that much 🧐

100% MNs is very anti men at times. That thread where a significant number of posters told the poster not to tell her husband she cheated proved it.

I suspect that a lot of MN have been the other woman at times judging by some of the posts.

Could you post an example of a thread where the woman gets a sympathetic hearing?

This one:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4748704-the-outcome-of-my-affair

So that makes it OK to justify women cheating, but not men?
If someone cheats regardless of reason or gender, they’re a fucking awful person - they only have themselves to blame for things ‘going wrong’.