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AIBU?

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Original poster

How much contact do you have when partner is away?

26 replies

Urgsleepmoresleep · 12/09/2023 15:28

Random question. My partner is away on lads holiday for 5 days - well middle aged man holiday. My friend thinks it’s weird he has hardly contacted me and it spells trouble or an affair or cheating. He has texted short replies a few times a day, but no conversation really. Just telling me what they are doing. Mostly drinking and sunbathing.

I think it’s normal as he is busy with his mates, sleeping or drunk. I wouldn’t expect him on a night out in uk to text lots. We don’t really have a text conversation as we talk in real life as we live together. I am Sure he would answer if I called him, but no need to be clingy. I have had a great time enjoying peace and out with friends.

I dropped him and a mate off at another mates house to get a taxi and had to endure lots of conversations on them planning to relive their youth whilst away. So I know he is not away with another woman.

So what is normal? Should I be worried? My friend who said this has been cheated on in the past and says lack of communication and weekends away with the lads was a sign he was having an affair.

I am secure in my relationship and don’t need validation via text but she has me thinking that limited communication is a bad thing.

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 12/09/2023 15:37

So what is normal? Should I be worried? My friend who said this has been cheated on in the past and says lack of communication and weekends away with the lads was a sign he was having an affair.

Your friend needs to mind her own bloody business. She's projecting her insecurities on to you and she's bitter because you're happier than her.

My partner and I go away separately fairly often. We send the odd text here and there or maybe a picture of something we've seen that we know the other one will find funny or interesting, but we don't call each other or constantly message each other when we're apart. Just don't feel the need at all. Like you say - if I needed to call him for any reason I would and he would happily answer the call and talk, but we don't call each other just for the sake of it.

Funngames1 · 12/09/2023 15:37

Does it matter what other people think or how they behave, as long as you're ok with it - which you've said you are.

You'll get a load of responses saying they're the same as you.

And some saying they'd need more contact.

Don't compare yourself with others when you've already said you're fine as you are.

Amwondering69 · 12/09/2023 15:39

Only if there is a problem!

TheCraftyOne · 12/09/2023 15:44

Hes messaged you a few times a day, sounds normal.

picnicbasketandblanket · 12/09/2023 15:45

Urgsleepmoresleep · 12/09/2023 15:28

Random question. My partner is away on lads holiday for 5 days - well middle aged man holiday. My friend thinks it’s weird he has hardly contacted me and it spells trouble or an affair or cheating. He has texted short replies a few times a day, but no conversation really. Just telling me what they are doing. Mostly drinking and sunbathing.

I think it’s normal as he is busy with his mates, sleeping or drunk. I wouldn’t expect him on a night out in uk to text lots. We don’t really have a text conversation as we talk in real life as we live together. I am Sure he would answer if I called him, but no need to be clingy. I have had a great time enjoying peace and out with friends.

I dropped him and a mate off at another mates house to get a taxi and had to endure lots of conversations on them planning to relive their youth whilst away. So I know he is not away with another woman.

So what is normal? Should I be worried? My friend who said this has been cheated on in the past and says lack of communication and weekends away with the lads was a sign he was having an affair.

I am secure in my relationship and don’t need validation via text but she has me thinking that limited communication is a bad thing.

I don't think you need to worry. We might only contact each other to say goodnight or when necessary on that kind of weekend because it's an intense few days with friends.

That amount of contact doesn't bother me or make me think an affair is happening. If you have no other reason to be suspicious then I don't think this is a reason to start.

GentrifiedLDN · 12/09/2023 15:46

Your friend is saying some very immature crap!

My H goes away with friends, and if i hear from him once a day, i am lucky.

I dont mind, i want him to have a good time

ToughFuss · 12/09/2023 15:46

A text to say good morning, a text to see how my days been and to say goodnight. He’ll sometimes text a bit more in between but often not. I send him photos of our son as he likes to see him and what he’s been up to. Your friend is being ridiculous.

Middleagedmeangirls · 12/09/2023 15:48

when DH and I are apart for more than 48 hours we probably text 2/3 or WhatsApp times a week and chat on the phone once a week.

if it's just a normal working day or a break of less than 48 hours it would be very unusual for us to have any contact at all. Unless there's a really time sensitive question to be answered we save our chat and catching up for when we are both at home.

gogomoto · 12/09/2023 15:51

Dp is away on business regularly, he always calls me in the evening but no other contact. Who is that insecure they need more contact than a telephone call. I actually tell him he doesn't have to call daily but he wants to, I'm lucky

Original poster
Urgsleepmoresleep · 12/09/2023 16:50

Yeah. I kind of guessed he was busy and we are not that needy a couple. I want to hear from him, but as he will likely be drunk and tired a few a day to make sure he is alive is fine.

I have had a great find without him and not missed his texts. So not too sure is that is healthy 😂

OP posts:
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 12/09/2023 16:54

Me and DH only send each other the odd message here and there if we’re away. Maybe a bit more of the kids are with me, but if it’s just me then not much tbh.

your friend sounds insecure.

maddening · 12/09/2023 16:54

When I am away I barely communicate with dh other than occasional to say hope they (dh and ds) are both fine etc and maybe if something funny has happened- I am not cheating just having a laugh at whatever I am up to.

Wavessea · 12/09/2023 16:58

When my husband is away I’ll hear from him a few times via WhatsApp
if he’s on a stag do or away with his mates I really don’t think he has anything interesting to tell me 😂
maybe a good morning, and good evening and one in between if he remembers
Same with me
it’s impossible to be in constant contact when you’re with your friends
and why would you need to be

Sugarfish · 12/09/2023 17:00

From my experience it’s nothing to worry about. I don’t really keep in contact with my partner if one of us is away. If I’m away I’m usually too busy doing stuff and same for him. I know he’ll be there when I get home.

Sugarfree23 · 12/09/2023 17:03

I have more days / evenings out and coffees dont really do overnights. The odd text when I'm out.

DH goes away with work and friends, he'll make a quick call after dinner. And the odd text.

Minfilia · 12/09/2023 17:08

A few texts a day. Maybe a ten minute phone call every couple of days.

same when either of us is away!

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/09/2023 17:10

I’ve known enough people attached to their phones but in terrible relationships with no trust, and read enough of the hundreds of threads from MNers being lovebombed by players and cheats to realise that a relationship is no more secure because somebody is constantly in touch or telling you how much they love you and miss you all the time. And a relationship is no less secure because somebody thinks what you have is strong enough that you’ll believe that they still feel the same way today as they did when they said they loved you before they went away the day before yesterday.

If you’re comfortable that’s all that matters.

SomeCatFromJapan · 12/09/2023 17:21

Normal is whatever you're both happy with. It's differing expectations that cause problems.

DinnaeFashYersel · 12/09/2023 17:25

Both DH and I travel (quite a bit) for work.

We probably text once each day and might do a late night phone call but that is it really.

muddyford · 12/09/2023 17:35

DH has just been away for a month. A text or two most days.

72EasyLessons · 12/09/2023 17:38

If I’m away for work I am pretty much entirely work-focused and forget I’m married or have any life whatsoever other than whatever I’m doing (usually archives or a conference, which are pretty intense), but now that DS (11) has a phone he messages a lot so I tend to reply on the family group. My holidays often involve being in places with no signal at all.

MonoLisa · 12/09/2023 17:40

There is no "normal" and your friend is shitstirring. Sorry.

Wveryone has different communication levels. We usually text once a day unless something interesting happens. You say you don't normally text muxh anyway on nights out etc so absolutely no problem.

ItJustFellOutLikeWordVomit · 12/09/2023 18:21

I wouldn’t worry, myself and DP have very little contact when out with pals maybe one or two texts a day. I would hate for him to be that guy that’s in their phone the full time, it annoys me when I’m sitting down with my pals for dinner and drinks and they are sat on their phone the full time….to jump to cheating feels high school to me 😂 x

inthvalley · 12/09/2023 18:29

My DP works away every other week. On his week away I'd say an average day looks like a couple emails exchanged and maybe a phone call early morning before he starts work or evening (usually FaceTime so he can speak to our toddler DD). The odd day no phone calls at all and just emails/ texts exchanged. But it's minimal really. It works for us.

hookiewookie29 · 12/09/2023 19:05

I'd be glad of the peace.....