Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting husband to take voluntary redundancy

45 replies

DGGR · 12/09/2023 12:06

My husband hates his job, he loves the actual work (IT/marketing) but hates the sector he's in and managing daily gripes which constantly crop up.
He's been wanting to leave for a long time but has an amazing package with incredible holiday and decent pension.. That when he's interviewed for other jobs they haven't come close to competing with.
They're offering voluntary redundancy in his work and he'd get just under a years salary (Pre tax). He's already tried some side projects and had a bit of side work but they haven't really taken off. He'd like to use the redundancy to give him chance to put the work into his side projects..
We have a 10m and 5 year old, and have really struggled financially whilst I've been on maternity leave. And I've just managed to arrange a decent term time contract with my work. But I don't earn enough to cover the house costs and I worry we're over stretched as it is without a drop in his pay.
I feel like I shouldn't be so pessimistic but I just have a bad feeling about it.
I don't want to crush his spirit though and make him feel trapped or resentful at our life.
He's been messaging me today about to and I'm psyching myself up about what to say to him. Ultimately its his decision and I don't want him to be unhappy. But I don't think he is appreciating how hard work self employment actually is.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Nemesias · 12/09/2023 12:13

Is it feasible to let him try it for a time period and use his redundancy pay to cover costs - then if it’s not working out he finds another job?

opportunities like this don’t come along often

Nemesias · 12/09/2023 12:14

By which I mean a rearranged time period 3 or 6 months for example

ExtraOnions · 12/09/2023 12:15

I’ve taken VR twice … best thing I’ve done, always ended up going into a better role

trevthecat · 12/09/2023 12:17

He hates his job and is being offered nearly a years pay to leave and find a better path? I'd be telling my husband to grab it with both hands

Bananaanaana · 12/09/2023 12:17

I would say that he needs a really clear plan for how he’s going to make it work, given he hasn’t managed to so far. And you need to agree that if he isn’t on track to earning a decent amount after 6 months or so, he will apply for a regular job even if the pay isn’t as good as the old one.

Scarlettpixie · 12/09/2023 12:19

Would it be reasonable for him to take 6 months to turn his side projects into a viable business and if he isn’t making money by then to agree he should look for a job?

ThinWomansBrain · 12/09/2023 12:20

Agree a set time period for him to try own ventures - if not turning a sensible profit, he finds other paid employment.
Also, he does his fair share of childcare and home/cooking stuff while presumably working on them at home.

Gymnopedie · 12/09/2023 12:21

You need to talk about this in more depth. What are his plans if the side work doesn't take off? Agree on spending priorities during that year.

Saying airily that he'll build a business is one thing. You need to discuss the nitty gritty and make sure you're both on the same page and understand the challenges.

Maryamlouise · 12/09/2023 12:22

Totally get your concerns but is there a chance there will be more redundancies on a worse package? It wasn't great timing kids wise and nursery fee wise when my DP took redundancy but was big risk if he didn't that he might lose his job and get nothing. Was a struggle for a year or so but now he has retrained and is earning well. If he is really miserable I think it might be for the best for him to leave but can you agree a plan together on how long he works on the self employment or could he get something else part time while building up the self employment

Mumofteenandtween · 12/09/2023 12:23

I would reply with “Let’s sit down tonight and do the sums and see if we can make it work.”

And then do that!

You need to look at - what if things go well, what if things go ok, what if things go badly.

With “things go well” - I guess that is that after a few months he has as much work as he would like. So you need to look at what that would pay. Factor in for pension contributions, holidays, expenses (heating the house!). Will that still give enough money for you all to live on?

Things go ok is getting some work but not as much as he would like. Will that cover your bills? Could he reduce the little one’s nursery hours and care for them one day a week?

Things go badly is little to no work. When does the redundancy money run out? If he gets another (less good) job then how much redundancy money will you need each month to keep you going?

If you go ahead the important thing is to have inbuilt “review points”. So no work after 3 months and he starts looking for another job etc.

thedancingbear · 12/09/2023 12:24

trevthecat · 12/09/2023 12:17

He hates his job and is being offered nearly a years pay to leave and find a better path? I'd be telling my husband to grab it with both hands

Exactly this. If my current place offered this, I'd bite their hand off!

There are no guarantees in life. If his self-employment goes well, the net could be you are tens of thousands better off. Also, if he doesn't take voluntary redundancy, he could quickly find the choice taken from his hands.

berksandbeyond · 12/09/2023 12:29

If the company are offering voluntary redundancy it’s very unlikely that the job is going to improve any time soon if he stays..

I agree with everyone above who says take it, have a trial period of self employment, and a path back out.

piscesangel · 12/09/2023 12:29

Does he really 'hate' this job, or is he struggling with the usual workplace niggles that we all have? I'm asking because your comment about 'managing daily gripes' really reminded me of my husband - he did a full career change in his 30s (including me supporting the family while he did lengthy retraining) and has been through a number of jobs, and it seems he's just intolerant of the normal workplace annoyances that we all have to deal with. He has settled now, having come to this conclusion himself, but to get here we all went through some quite difficult times that now seem a bit unnecessary, and a well paid job with good benefits is not something to be lightly given up at the moment.

Doggymummar · 12/09/2023 12:32

As part of voluntary redundancy there is a lot of training, coaching and time off for interviews ( the consultation period). He could use this time, in my case it was six months to get the side project going whilst still being paid and then maybe a further six months to see how the income goes. If it is close to what he had before persevere, most businesses don't make money until years 3-5 if not then he needs to start focusing on getting a new job .

Last time I was made redundant I set up my consulting business and had a few clients before the consultation period ended ( six months) I then focussed on my business for a year and was only really getting about half I did in employment. Now I work for myself 4 days a week and am employed in a RELATED industry 3 days a week. Both businesses feed each other.

GentrifiedLDN · 12/09/2023 12:33

I am not a fan of how you are treating your H as an extension of yourself OP - like what he wants doesn't seem to figure in to your long term goals

You should be your H biggest cheerleader, but somehow, you aren't - far from it, it is all about you.

You seem more interested in your happiness than his.

Think about what you are doing here. Look at the bigger picture

DoubleTequilaSunrise · 12/09/2023 12:35

Nothing stops him from doing some light part-time work (at weekends, or evenings) while he's trying to set up his own projects to keep some money coming in. "light" as in a few hours, not as in lazy...

MariaVT65 · 12/09/2023 12:38

I’d say approach it saying you two need to sit down together and have a proper budgeting conversation about covering your costs, in different eventualities.

Original poster
DGGR · 12/09/2023 12:39

Thanks for all the replies. Really good points. It's already making me feel better about it...
For context he already works from him, goes into the office (on his bike) 1-2 days a week. Is on fleix working 36hrs a week so is done most days by 4oclock and having tea with me and the kids at 5. He'll be the one picking our eldest up when I go back to work so his work are really flexible. Plus for where we live his salary is excellent for the position. So IF it doesn't work out he'd have to take a job with a commute or definitely take a pay cut/overall package cut as he's been looking for other jobs for a while.
So it's kinda make or break on going self employed. If it works out he could be earning way more, but more stress as it's HIS business (which I don't think he appreciates). But if it doesn't work out he'll be worse off especially work/life balance wise. But I don't want to be pessimistic. I think the new mum in me is just craving stability which we have now. Because he's pretty sure he'll be OK after the restructure. He's been through it before and his role seems pretty secure.

OP posts:
DoubleTequilaSunrise · 12/09/2023 12:56

don't forget that if he's been offered voluntary redundancy, his current role is not exactly safe. He might end up with a much worst offer in a few months time. Thriving businesses don't bother with voluntary redundancy.

whynotwhatknot · 12/09/2023 13:04

isnt the idea though that if noone takes it they'll start getting rid anyway with a not so good package

whynotwhatknot · 12/09/2023 13:05

sorry @DoubleTequilaSunrise didnt see your post

CitizenofMoronia · 12/09/2023 13:06

Everything you have put there is working on the assumption that if he doesn't take VR things will continue as they are. If they are asking for VR something isn't adding up in the company finances, there is no guarantee that he will be in the same position in 12 months' time, still in a job he hates.

Fieldofbrokenpromises · 12/09/2023 13:08

trevthecat · 12/09/2023 12:17

He hates his job and is being offered nearly a years pay to leave and find a better path? I'd be telling my husband to grab it with both hands

^Yep this. He may well get made redundant on worse terms later. All the best people leave in the first round of redundancies.

StillWantingADog · 12/09/2023 13:13

ThinWomansBrain · 12/09/2023 12:20

Agree a set time period for him to try own ventures - if not turning a sensible profit, he finds other paid employment.
Also, he does his fair share of childcare and home/cooking stuff while presumably working on them at home.

yes this.
I was very very worried when my dh was in a similar situation. he wasn't interested in the self employment route, so looked for another job. For about 4 months there was nothing on the horizon whatsoever. But out of the blue an offer came and he's now got a far better package and work flexibility than his old job (which was pretty good tbf).
not long before that i was made redundant so it was a difficult time for both of us but a few years on, no regrets whatsoever from either of us.
These opportunities don't come along very often, and I think on balance it sounds worth going for.

Webmeister999 · 12/09/2023 13:20

Ive been self employed since I left employed work at 60. However I have other sources of income in my state and private pensions and investments.

Self employment can be very rewarding but does take a tremdous level of committment and self discipline. You also have to learn to wear many hats, from admin to customer service. I was an academic before I became self employed and ran and built my business as a side hustle. I also continued to do part time research for the uni after I left, as many academics do.

The safest course of action for your DH would be to continue in his role for another year or so and run the home business as a sideline. That should enable him to build up savings. Or possibly go part time so there is still a basic income coming in.