Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage boys in house at sleepover?

54 replies

firstpostbegentle · 11/09/2023 14:35

My little girl would like to have her first sleepover with a few friends. She is turning 8. She has two older brothers, 13 and 15. When discussing the sleepover with my best friend she has expressed concerns that it was inappropriate to have girls that age in the house when there are teenage boys under the roof? She can't really give me a reason why she thinks it's not wise, just a feeling. AIBU in thinking this is perfectly fine as there will be no sharing of bedrooms or space at any time? The boys will be holed up in their rooms and the girls plan to overtake the living room.

OP posts:
cocksstrideintheevening · 11/09/2023 14:35

Of course it's fine.

Tara24 · 11/09/2023 14:36

As a mother of a teenage boy I'm pretty horrified by this. They aren't all sex offenders you know !

ExtraOnions · 11/09/2023 14:37

Is she worried that your daughter’s 2 brothers will behave in an inappropriate way ? You need to ditch your “friend” if she thinks so little of your sons.

LusaBatoosa · 11/09/2023 14:37

It’s totally fine. Your friend might be processing some trauma, though. Be nice to her.

Cardboardcup · 11/09/2023 14:38

Strange woman, of course it’s fine!

Invisimamma · 11/09/2023 14:40

Your friend has some strange ideas. Teenage boys will probably hide in their rooms the entire time and want nothing to do with 8yr old girls.

Original poster
firstpostbegentle · 11/09/2023 14:40

Phew! I was beginning to think I was being very naive but glad to hear everyone feels the same!

OP posts:
Original poster
firstpostbegentle · 11/09/2023 14:42

ExtraOnions · 11/09/2023 14:37

Is she worried that your daughter’s 2 brothers will behave in an inappropriate way ? You need to ditch your “friend” if she thinks so little of your sons.

I think she thinks that it's better for them if I don't put them in the position they can be wrongly accused of anything improper.

OP posts:
user1471556818 · 11/09/2023 14:43

That's so sad I would be a bit worried for your friend regarding boys like that .Have the sleepover although no one sleeps !.I'm sure the boys will not want to hang about with their sisters pals .

pizzaHeart · 11/09/2023 14:45

But you are going to be at home?
it’s ok if there are enough space . Do you have one bathroom?

DeeCeeCherry · 11/09/2023 14:49

I wouldn't.

I'm sure some will say it's fine but I couldn't be bothered working out whether the boys are trustworthy or not. They may or may not be. But having once been a little girl and now thinking back on inappropriate behaviours by boys/teens/ men - they were known to my parents so you'd think they'd be fine, wouldn't you? - I didn't want my DDs at sleepovers. Only when they were a bit older and it was all girls. There must be so many woman who experienced inappropriate sexual behaviour towards them in their young years but as girls and women we have to ignore that and be oh so nice and always give boys and men the benefit of the doubt, don't we?

XelaM · 11/09/2023 14:56

My daughter had two best friends in primary with older/teen brothers and has been to loads of sleepovers at their houses. The teenage boys tried to hide as much as possible from the younger kids and weren't even remotely interested in interacting with them.

ittakes2 · 11/09/2023 14:58

Unfortunately, I suspect your friend is processing some childhood trauma.

mindutopia · 11/09/2023 14:59

It's absolutely fine. I mean, obviously your 8 year old has a sleepover every night with them in the house.

But I think this is coming from a difficult place for your friend. She's seeing danger in a place where there could be danger, but likely isn't, for a reason. It's a legitimate fear for her.

But I think fear can't rule your life or your children's lives. All you can say is that you're comfortable with it, but you understand if she isn't. That's fine too.

ManateeFair · 11/09/2023 15:00

Does she also think girls shouldn't be allowed to sleep over at a friend's house if the friend's dad is in the house, then? Or is it only teenage boys that she thinks will molest their sister's prepubescent friends in the night?

What about eight-year-old boys on a sleepover with their mates? Are they allowed to spend the night in a home where teenage brothers live? Does she think inappropriate sexual behaviour towards children from older boys only happens when the child is a girl?

In short, your friend is being ridiculous and needs to mind her own business. As others have said, it's possible she's had a bad experience herself as a child and that this is colouring her judgement, but either way she shouldn't be projecting that paranoia on to others.

CherryCokeFanatic · 11/09/2023 15:00

Could you lock them in their rooms?

Brefugee · 11/09/2023 15:01

it's fine. If your daughter's friend's mum thinks it's not ok, invite someone else. (tbh in your shoes I'd probably see if the boys want to stay at a friend's house for the night, because a load of 8 year olds will drive them mad)

ManateeFair · 11/09/2023 15:06

DeeCeeCherry · 11/09/2023 14:49

I wouldn't.

I'm sure some will say it's fine but I couldn't be bothered working out whether the boys are trustworthy or not. They may or may not be. But having once been a little girl and now thinking back on inappropriate behaviours by boys/teens/ men - they were known to my parents so you'd think they'd be fine, wouldn't you? - I didn't want my DDs at sleepovers. Only when they were a bit older and it was all girls. There must be so many woman who experienced inappropriate sexual behaviour towards them in their young years but as girls and women we have to ignore that and be oh so nice and always give boys and men the benefit of the doubt, don't we?

But if we're meant to assume that all men and boys are a risk to girls, how is normal family life meant to proceed? Should women be sending their daughters' fathers and brothers off to sleep in a hotel every night, instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt?

Nevermind202020 · 11/09/2023 15:17

CherryCokeFanatic · 11/09/2023 15:00

Could you lock them in their rooms?

Please tell me this is an ironic response?

emmylousings · 11/09/2023 15:20

Its unbelievably sad that your friend is concerned by this. Does she really believe a significant percentage of young boys are sexually preditative? This is a very dangerous mindset which will lead to many more problems. We should not be teaching children to be afraid of each other.

Mariposista · 11/09/2023 15:28

This is so bizarre it's almost funny! Yeah sure love, because all 13-15 year old boys are sex offenders and paedos. They can't be nice teenagers who are more into playing football, the PS2 snd eating sweets rather than their sister's friends.

bevm72yellow · 11/09/2023 15:36

Speak to the NSPCC about sleepovers and safeguarding. They are a reliable source of facts.

MasterBeth · 11/09/2023 15:37

CherryCokeFanatic · 11/09/2023 15:00

Could you lock them in their rooms?

Handcuff them to a radiator first.

NameAU1 · 11/09/2023 15:40

Suprised by the comments tbh.
I also first thought she’s worried the boys will assault her, that’s a realistic concern.

But this”” I think she thinks that it's better for them if I don't put them in the position they can be wrongly accused of anything improper.…..”””
makes her awful.
Is she usually a misogynystic?
That’s awful!

Tereo · 11/09/2023 15:41

I have teenage boys and they have a younger sister and sleepovers with sisters friend have never been an issue.

I disagree with your friend but I wouldnt let me sons babysit young children for the same reason. Call me paranoid but a few friends were abused by babysitters and I wouldn't want them to have a finger pointed at them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread