Teenage boys in house at sleepover?

[firstpostbegentle]

My little girl would like to have her first sleepover with a few friends. She is turning 8. She has two older brothers, 13 and 15. When discussing the sleepover with my best friend she has expressed concerns that it was inappropriate to have girls that age in the house when there are teenage boys under the roof? She can't really give me a reason why she thinks it's not wise, just a feeling. AIBU in thinking this is perfectly fine as there will be no sharing of bedrooms or space at any time? The boys will be holed up in their rooms and the girls plan to overtake the living room.

She's batshit!

So what, all men and boys should be kept away from women and girls? How do you ever expect the two sex's to learn how to interact with each other if people hold such views?

I would be absolutely livid if a friend more or less accused my son of being a sexual abuser based on nothing more than his sex.

As if these boys are being treated like this and some people here are okay with that.

So no girl with pubescent brothers can ever have a sleepover? That sounds insane to me!

I dont think she's batshit. Sleepovers are not a necessity and it doesn't take much research to find very sad stories. My brother's very close friend went to prison after being accused of abusing an 8 year old at his daughter's sleepover. Some parents decide the risk is not worth it. At some point parents have to let go and we all do it at different points. I don't look at Dads and teenage boys and think 'you are definitely a sex offender'. But it's not as if I could ever, ever know. So what to do? Take a chance that it will likely be fine? Or decide an 8 year old is too young and wait awhile? No one is batshit, it's just parents trying to do their best.

Op it's unclear if your friend is saying
A) it's not appropriate so don't go ahead with your party at all

B) I don't find it appropriate to send my daughter to that so I won't attend.

I think there are sadly big risks with safeguarding and sleepovers - maybe people who have experienced sexual assault are at a sleepover. It doesn't mean she thinks your sons specifically are paedo but the safeguarding principles protect both parties.

She is probably being on the cautious side for a reason. If it's option b I wouldn't be offended if it's option a then I would just say you'll leave it up to the other parents to decide if they're happy for their children to attend.

I agree with previous post about nspcc and sleepover advice

Your friend is being completely Unreasonable. I would be quite upset at my sons being maligned in this way.

Read op’s follow up comment, she mislead us.
Op’s friend is worried about boys being ’falsely accused’.
She thinks girls/women make up rape allegations.

No one is saying your precious sons are anything, other than potential victim.
Vysteria much in these comments.

I agree

I have older brothers and had sleep overs when I was younger. The only restriction was we slept in my room, not the living room so everyone else has free passage through the living room.

My teenage brothers were not interested in the slightest and kept out our way. I think my friends and I were more of an annoyance to them.

So it's the girls she doesn't trust. Is that OK?

There are loads of Mumsnetters who won't let their children have play dates or sleepovers if there are teenage boys in the house....

Some mad responses on this thread. Why don't we just lock everyone in their own individual cell forever and then no one can abuse or be accused of abusing anyone else, ever?

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3187836/amp/Mother-reveals-horror-discovering-sons-sexually-abused-older-boy-sleepover.html

Fair enough but can I ask why you used the word 'precious' in the way you did? Is a child less precious because they're a boy? Less deserving?

There was a thread on here a few years ago where people wouldn't even let their children go to play dates if there were teen boys in the house

Is she only worried about teenage brothers, not fathers?

Welcome to mumsnet! Are you hoping for lots of posts about ‘what could go wrong’.

A lot of parents I know will not allowed sleepovers if males in the house. It doesn't take much compassion to understand why.

Any parent who doesn't feel comfortable with their children attending sleepovers should not be vilified. There are a lot of alternatives so children can still have fun together.

I have a teenage boy and younger daughters we have hosted sleepovers but tbh we didn’t host or let her go on sleep overs till the children where of ages where most had phones or iPads with them.

For my child so she can pop a message or a call if she felt uncomfortable and I totally get other parents wanting the same with their children in my house 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s not about accusing anyone of anything it’s about making sure my child can contact me if she so much as changed her mind.

But statistically males are more of a risk but I know again own family males even more risky. I wouldn’t let mine go even with a phone if there wasn’t a mum home though. Sorry to any single dads but nope.

It's fine for any parents to decide that they are not comfortable with sleepovers. We fall in that category and whilst we may change our minds, for now we don't allow DCs to do sleepovers.

Where your friend is being unreasonable is that she's leaping to claim it's inappropriate to have teen boys in a house where female children are having a sleepover.

Interesting responses on this thread. A few weeks ago there was a thread where someone was questioning sending their young DD to a sleepover, and most posters were saying no, as there may be older male teens in the house.

I think it's a legitimate concern to have, although I can see why the OP is a bit offended by it. For what it's worth, I used to send my DD on sleepovers to her friend's house, who had an older brother. DD used to have friends sleepover here too, and I've got two older sons. But I can totally understand why some parents would worry about this.

Most girls and women are abused by boys and men they know.

You do realise your effectively accusing OP's children of being sex offenders, don't you?

Don’t feel like she’s accusing your boys OP.
When there’s been sexual abuse in the wider family, or when you’ve been victim yourself, it becomes very difficult to let go and trust people who are in situations where they could have an opportunity to abuse. It doesn’t mean you think everyone is an abuser. It means you know full well that there isn’t an easy way to tell who is a threat and who is fine. It makes things like choosing a nursery or childminder, sending your child to school, and letting family or friends babysit very scary.
If you do have an easy option to farm the boys out for the night I’d take it. They will be happy to escape the mayhem I’d imagine and as you say, it then protects them from any possibility of suspicion. If they are in the house set clear boundaries - particularly for the girls. The boys’ room/s is out of bounds obviously, as is your bedroom. Get the boys their own treat - pizza and gaming in their room or something. There’s ways of setting things up that subtly discourage mixing between the young guests and your boys.