To ask what gets better after age 1? I’ve had enough

[Lookongfothopw]

Context… my partner died while I was pregnant. It was horrendous as I wasn’t sure I wanted the baby anyway as the relationship was new. He was very supportive and I continued. Baby is now 11 months and I go back to work in four weeks. Her dad’s family are elderly but have been very supportive financially, which was a relief. I’m just… done. I’ve done literally everything for 11 months, no exaggeration. I have not had a moment away due to circumstances (family not around and if they are they are too old etc). I think I just need some hope for the future? I am not sure I was cut out to be a mum and I hope dd is happy. We have a nursery ready, I’m nervous about that. But gosh the monotony of everyday life… the last year has been a total blur. Will it get better?

I'm not a natural mother either. I lean heavily on DP and know I would really struggle if I was on my own. It must be so hard, especially when you're grieving.

It sounds to me like you desperately need some time to yourself. If there's no one who can take baby for a few hours, could you afford to pay for a babysitter one evening a week?

I have 2 children and really struggled on both maternity leaves. I'm a better parent now that I'm back at work.

My DC are almost 4 and 18 months. It's easier in that they can both walk so I no longer have one permanently glued to me, they can play independently to a degree, the older one is potty trained and they go to bed pretty reliably at 7pm. They (mostly) sleep through the night. They also take interest in more things so our world has opened up a lot. They pick things up so quickly at this age and feels like there's a new milestone every week, rather than the baby phase where you wait months for them to do anything!

If we stay in the house all day they drive me mad and the house ends up in ruins. I find it much easier to get out and about. We're always at the park, farm, zoo, soft play etc

It really does get better. I've got 3 kids, the oldest is 19 now, and the 0-1 age was the absolute worst! It was dead boring, I got no sleep and there was just no break, you had to be constantly present. It only got better from there.

I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry because it must be relentless.

Don’t worry about having no family near. Ask people about babysitters. Get onto local Facebook groups/street wasapp group. Once your baby is a bit older you can even have a teenager babysit. There are some people called mothers help. They can do what ever you need help with.

It gets easier but you might as well pay for help now and later when you can manage you can drop it. Now is the time to get help. Getting used to other people helping is a bit of hassle but sometimes you need it.

Do u get any joy out of her?

I haven’t found this to be true. The constant dependence is another level and I think parents of older children forget how all consuming it is.

If you feel like things have been monotonous then getting back to the too time of work seeing people regularly etc will be beneficial I think.

I found working three days mentally easier I have to say.

Weekends must feel hard so where you can you can use maybe some annual leave days to catch some head space in the week.

The one year old phase I found not the most enjoyable - eg having to wander around and follow, hard to go out etc.