AIBU about this 4 year old?

[SayYourWorst]

NC for this as I may be roasted alive, I don't know.

I'm 60+ and have never had kids and never lived with one before.

Without going into "outing" details I am sharing a house with a man of 30 who has his 4 yr old from Friday to Monday every weekend. She is blonde, corkscrew-haired and physically angelic and he is totally besotted with her, dressing her up in princess or fairy dresses and spending every weekend indulging her every whim, taking her for whole days out, etc.

I have noticed two things that have shocked me but, as I know bugger all about kids, maybe they are normal and acceptable and I am entirely wrong. Hence "AIBU?"

Firstly, whilst she looks absolutely adorable the same cannot be said about her behaviour. When grown-ups attempt to talk to each other she instantly interrupts and if ignored shouts louder and louder until they stop talking and focus all attention on her, then she gets quieter and babbles. Today we had to stop talking because we literally could not hear one another over her excessive din. This makes it impossible for me to convey anything, even just three or four quick sentences, to him except by text. Even if she seems to be absorbed in something, the moment we start to speak to one another she talks louder and louder until she starts to simply scream. It worries me that he never tells her to 'be quiet whilst adults talk'. I have said nothing so far because in his eyes she is a perfect angel who can do no wrong.

However, it seems to me that to be a proper, loving parent, one must also teach a child good manners as part of socialising her to be able to interact with others. Otherwise she will never succeed in making friends or be welcomed by other adults. I feel he is letting her down by not teaching her essential social skills. AIBU?

Secondly he feeds her (mostly out but sometimes at home) entirely on processed, carby, factory-made 'junk' including nuggets and Diet Coke. To my mind, when she is an adult she can do what she likes with her own body, but until she is old enough to understand the link between food and health surely he has a duty of care to ensure her growing body and her brain are properly nourished and also to take care of her teeth. She has a lot of physical and mental activities ahead of her over the next decade or so and I don't think junk foods can give her body the support it needs. Again, I have said nothing but that seems wrong, too - I want to protect her from harm.

Am I being an old fuddy-duddy? Is this the way things are these days?

AIBU?

She's 4 and wants her dad's undivided attention - and not for it to be split with some woman/ other people who aren't her mum. He could teach about saying excuse me but really it is her time to be with him.
The food sounds a bit grim but I think apart from making healthier meals for them - there's not much you can do.
You share a house not the child so I would butt out.

I mean, it's not how I would parent, but it's hardly social services territory.

Children interrupt. I've told my 5yo off for interrupting constantly since they were tiny and still DC1 does it. It's infuriating. I'm proceeding on the principle that if I call my DC out on it every time, hopefully on the one thousandth time they'll actually get it and stop. So I agree she should be told not to do it, but telling isn't necessarily going to solve the problem in the short-term.

There is a group of parents (and it's quite a large group) who seem to allow their children to wear Disney-princess/tutu type costumes to everything. Presumably because the kids like it. I'm not a fan personally and I prefer my children to be dressed more practically for activities and days out, but I can't see the harm in it. You have to allow kids agency in some aspects of their lives and this seems fairly harmless.

On the food, I agree with you on the fizzy drink/sweet treats, but maybe beige food is all she'll eat and the dad doesn't feel comfortable in trying to get her to expand her palate.

You seem a bit invested if it's just a neighbour. Let him parent how he wants.

@blahblahblah1654

I think it's a housemate.
And the kid doesn't just interrupt, but shouts very loudly and "non-stop" till all conversation stops.

@SeulementUneFois ah yes I misread. Might get annoying if you have to live with them then!

Even if she seems to be absorbed in something, the moment we start to speak to one another she talks louder and louder until she starts to simply scream. It worries me that he never tells her to 'be quiet whilst adults talk'.

Im 50 50 on this. Kids should be told to wait until someone else finishes speaking/not interrupt constantly

But

They usually do the thing where they talk louder and louder when they aren't getting proper attention - adults really engaging with them, listening, having a full 2 way conversation.

They can when people aren't really listening and that tends to be when they clamour to be heard.

Are you expecting her to play quietly by herself for quite a while, while her father chats to you?

No OP YANBU. I wouldn’t want to spend 4 days a week being controlled by that little shit. I’d find somewhere else to live.

I presume this Disney dad is a lodger and I’d bet the child’s mother bitches about his shit parenting too.

YANBU op. Bratty, indulged, junk-food-fed children are never a good thing.

Google
Corkscrew curls and scurvy' funnily enough if she's not getting her fruit in...

It may be op's house.

Given it’s caffeinated, giving a 4 year old Diet Coke sounds like making a rod for his own back. That said, it’s probably not textbook parenting, but none of this is of massive concern.

Thanks for the useful and sensible replies - the ones which actually answered the questions I asked.