Want to run away from 5 month old

[Mamatolittleboy]

I really need some help. I know I am most likely being unreasonable. Our 5 month old DS was our rainbow baby, conceived after losses and very much wanted. I love him more than I could love anyone on this planet but I am starting to dream about running away from him and hiding for a few days.

He was born unwell, jaundice and needed extra help. 2 week neonatal ward stay with no where for us to sleep so we had to leave our newborn at the hospital whilst he was tube fed and breastfeeding never really worked out for us despite help. Baby fussy during latch and my supply dropping despite pumping. Most likely due to anxiety of everything. He has been a fussy feeder since then and 5 months on is still fussy and feels like he feeds constantly on the bottle. He cries all the time, and makes this high pitch scream and goes bright red multiple times a day. He hates napping and can sometimes go 7+ hours with no daytime nap despite my best efforts. When I go to baby groups he is the first baby to cry every single time.

basically he hates feeding, sleeping, going out, the pram, the sling.

I feel like I’m at breaking point and can’t deal with one more day of screaming in my face and I feel miserable. Yesterday I told DH who works full time but is really helpful so can’t fault him that I just don’t like DS. Which is not true at all, but I don’t know why I’m having these feelings and I keep in my head planning to escape for a week.

Does he have reflux? Is the high pitched screaming when he is lying flat and therefore might have trapped wind?

Will he nap more easily in the pram?

@PollyPut He doesn’t have reflux but he does like to be constantly held, I think he is going through a clingy stage at the moment. The problem is he won’t sleep on us but if I put him down he screams!

He used to sleep in pram until he his 3.5 months old so days out are harder and usually result in us leaving early due to overtired screams x

Use a baby sling.

My DS2 was like this. Turned out he had a cow's milk allergy, he's 5 now and still hasn't fully outgrown it. Have you seen a GP at all or tried other formulas? Could also be reflux, or a mix of both. I have no magical solution but you have my every sympathy. I remember it so well, the constant screaming for months on end, it was hell. But after a few weeks on the right formula, and it took trying a few different ones before we found the right one for him which was neocate, he was like a different baby. Slept better, stopped crying all the time, his skin wasn't so red looking. I'd definitely get your son to the GP and discuss your issues. In the meantime make sure you get a break whenever you can.

OP I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. It's really hard. I agree with PP to go to GP/HV if you haven't already about baby and I'd also suggest speaking to them about how you're feeling.

Do you have much support around you?

If you can have baby free time everyday, even just an hour, to do something for yourself like go for a walk/long shower/watch tv etc really helps. You could also try getting some loop earplugs or listening to music/a podcast through headphones at a level where you can still hear him but not at such an intense level.

It's really rubbish to hear when you're going through it, but it will pass. You'll be giving advice to others from the others side before you know it.

It's so hard but you're doing it and you're doing a great job x

@WorseDecision He tries to squirm his way out x

This very much sounds like PND. You need urgent help whether that be your hv or GP. If you need your dh to take some time off work, say so. Its his job to support you and it sounds like her very much will. Do not minimise your feelings here, you are important.

Practical steps:

1. First ask dh to take some time off
2. Phone hv request speak to him/her about your feelings, speak to GP of you prefer and yes it is urgent
3. If you haven't tried different bottles do, NUK were great for my eldest but Dr brown worked better for ds and dd2
4. what size teat are you using? Is it time to get up to the next stage? Sometimes they can fuss when they aren't getting the milk quickly enough
5. Do you space feeds or is baby having litte but often. The hv can really advise you here.Is baby winded after each feed?
6. Does your baby show any signs of colic? Uncontrollable crying going red in the face, making hands into fists, arching back or bring knees up to tummy? If so gripe water, infacol dentinox drops are all options to try. To me it very much does sound like colic which will be tough for the both of you.

Please reach out for the help you need.

Came on to ask about allergy well. Pretty much described my boy. Once we cut out dairy (I'm breastfeeding) things improved massively. Then we needed to cut out soya and egg. Once they were out of his system he was like a different baby. I remember feeling cheated that everyone else baby slept or was just contented and mine just screamed unless held or rocked constantly in the pram.
We did try formula - but he refused the bottle. Neocate was the one he was prescribed. It might be worth trying. Just be prepared if it is allergy it will take a couple of weeks to see improvement.

@Goosegoose21 Thank you. He does sleep really well during the evening, like 10 hours! So we are lucky there. It is just chaos from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep x

I used to dream of being in an accident so I could have a “break” away from the DC when they were young. The relentless crying and lack of sleep was hideous. Looking back I don’t know how I made it through each time but here we are approaching the end of teenage years and we’re all ok. My DH also worked out of the house full time and I had no help, plus did almost all the night wakings and feeds each time because he worked and I didn’t. I’m sure I went through a phase of disliking each child although still loving them more than life itself at the same time. I don’t have any solutions but you are not alone.

That sounds difficult. I don't think it's PND. That would push most people to the limit.

Can you try some baby rice or porridge?

@Sceptre86 I was starting to wonder if it was PND (I had perinatal MH too and had to go on sick leave from 30 weeks) but when I tell family or DH that I think I may have PND they tell me I’m probably just stressed.

I started to wonder if I had PND because sometimes when he wouldn’t feed I kept wanting to just shut him away in his room for an hour and I always wonder what it will be like if I run away. I don’t think about hurting him, but I do wonder about leaving him sometimes.

I have my HV coming over this week so will tell her how I am feeling x

Is he hungry? Have you started weaning him yet? It might be worth trying it.

@converseandjeans I have been tempted to wean but I worry about baby being fussy with solids so am trying to hold out until 6 months as atm he still is not 100% with grabbing things himself. I worry if I try and feed with spoon he will then reject that too x

Have you looked into allergies OP? As other posters have said, it could well be that he needs a dairy free formula. Ask your GP, it could be a game changer

I think I “disliked” mine even more when trying to wean as if they didn’t like my lovingly prepared food I’d feel like throwing it at them and leaving (I didn’t I promise). Now I’m cross because they don’t stop eating ever it seems.

@RainbowUtensils Yes when baby was fussy then told us silent reflux, gave us meds for that nothing helped so they said it wasn’t reflux and was just behavioural instead due to trauma from his feeding tube experience. They wouldn’t allergy test him because they said he had no symptoms like rash bad poo or anything

Oh I am so sorry you are feeling like this. It does sound like you have PND so please seek help for this. I had it and even now I get anxiety when I have to go somewhere with my youngest child

My son was like this.. he only started growing out the screaming recently (he's 2.5) it's been soul destroying for me and my eldest.

I breastfed so I know it wasn't allergy based but if you can get a prescription based formula I think that would be best! My sil had neocate and it solved her sons allergy

I really know how you feel. I've been so angry that my baby wouldn't just "be normal" as my daughter was a intense baby too (not quite as bad though)

I dreamt of my babies just being content because they never was.

It's not your fault just keep reminding yourself this!

@glitterintheforest Thank you. Yes I always just want him to be “normal” every one of my friends babies seems easier than mine and they enjoy their maternity leave and I just grieve that I’m struggling x

My baby was the same except also didn't sleep at night.

I didn't start off depressed, but by 7/8 months post partum I was, due to sleep deprivation and feeling unable to leave the house.

So my advice is try to get some help if you can, and look after yourself, what's your financial situation? Can you get a part time nanny or childminder?

My eldest was exactly like this, sleeping well overnight generally but screamed all day every day. It was absolutely soul destroying, I had PND, at my worst I was telling DH we should give her to the care system because I couldn't cope with it anymore, that's how low I felt.

There was nothing medical causing it, and she was born at term with no medical issues and although breastfeeding was awful for me that was due to pain for me but she was growing fine.

It just gradually improved as she aged. By 12 months she was napping in a routine in her cotbed at home which gave me some predictable time where I could rest or get housework done.

She's 5 now and still very sensitive and emotionally err expressive, hates being alone and constantly after attention, conversation and stimulation...so I think it's just her personality!

Another one with a screamer here! I'm still amazed when I see babies asleep in prams, in cafes, at baby groups. My little boy (just about to turn 2) did NOT like his pram, the various slings I bought, the car. Screamed the house down most of the day no matter what I did. He did have reflux but that got better at around 4 months however the screaming didn't improve much. Also a chronic sleep fighter. Still is, but sleeps through. Now I can see more of his personality it makes sense. He is constantly on the go, very inquisitive, very sensitive. Like others have said I think a lot of it is personality and he hated being a baby. It's awful I know, I felt stuck at home and so isolated but it does get better xx

Op, I really feel for you as mine were both like this. It is quite literally, soul destroying, and makes you question your abilities as a mum, especially when everyone else's babies seem so content. My first seemed to grow out of being quite so difficult around 6 months, when she could sit up fully independently, and by the time she was crawling and cruising, and communicating, she was a different child, so happy, still a little clingy, but happy, smiley, and just lovely. Second took until about a year to mellow out, I remember one day thinking "it's midday and she hasn't cried or screamed once!" I remember the feeling of them finally falling asleep for a nap, and absolutely dreading them waking up again, as the whole crying, whingey, screaming saga would commence all over again. Was torture. The only saving grace I found was when I finally met another mum with a grumpy baby too, and we could moan about how hard it was together 😄. And just to add... My babies grew into the happiest, most content, easy going adorable toddlers, and now children. All the placid babies seemed to turn into bats out of hell as soon as they could use their legs, and mine just seemed like a breeze in comparison. Same for my friend with the other grumpy baby, hers was also a very mellow, lovely toddler, so maybe that was our pay off for having difficult babies. I still think alot of the issues they had were out of sheer frustration. Almost like they were desperate to be independent, and communicate their needs, and as soon as they'd accomplished that, they were happy. They're both very intelligent children, and exceeding all expectations at school, and I wonder if that sheer frustration they had as babies was because their little brains wanted to do more than thier bodies would allow. You do hear of alot of "high needs babies" going on to be highly intellectual, so maybe there is a stronger correlation than realised. Good luck Op, I know it's hard when you're in the thick of it, and people say "it won't last forever" but it really is true, it feels like you're in the trenches now, but believe me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

This sounds awful, OP, and I really feel for you.

My DB was like this (I was almost 10 when he was born, so remember it quite well). He seemed to scream most of the time he was awake, and not sleep much either, and he tended to sleep in the evening and then keep everyone awake half the night. My poor DM was at the absolute end of her tether, I can remember her being in tears with sheer exhaustion and frustration several times and there was little support back then (1960s), so she just had to endure it.

He got loads better once she started weaning him. He was never a good sleeper though, and developed a sleepwalking habit when he was a bit older.