Want to run away from 5 month old

[Mamatolittleboy]

I really need some help. I know I am most likely being unreasonable. Our 5 month old DS was our rainbow baby, conceived after losses and very much wanted. I love him more than I could love anyone on this planet but I am starting to dream about running away from him and hiding for a few days.

He was born unwell, jaundice and needed extra help. 2 week neonatal ward stay with no where for us to sleep so we had to leave our newborn at the hospital whilst he was tube fed and breastfeeding never really worked out for us despite help. Baby fussy during latch and my supply dropping despite pumping. Most likely due to anxiety of everything. He has been a fussy feeder since then and 5 months on is still fussy and feels like he feeds constantly on the bottle. He cries all the time, and makes this high pitch scream and goes bright red multiple times a day. He hates napping and can sometimes go 7+ hours with no daytime nap despite my best efforts. When I go to baby groups he is the first baby to cry every single time.

basically he hates feeding, sleeping, going out, the pram, the sling.

I feel like I’m at breaking point and can’t deal with one more day of screaming in my face and I feel miserable. Yesterday I told DH who works full time but is really helpful so can’t fault him that I just don’t like DS. Which is not true at all, but I don’t know why I’m having these feelings and I keep in my head planning to escape for a week.

@WeightoftheWorld @NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet I think my boy is also very sensitive, sensitive to his changing mat, sensitive to noise, bath etc. He seems quite fazed by things that other babies seem not to worry about. I noticed this early on when he got really funny being out of the house and always say to my DH that he seems quite a sensitive baby.

thank you both xx

@DiaNaranja Sorry that you understand this frustration too. I too dread when baby wakes up for the day as I know it’s chaos from there. He is trying to crawl at 4 months (and is starting too), so I imagine has a lot going on in his brain.

I do always question myself as a mum, wondering if it’s the way I parent or something that is making him like this. I know it’s not and he’s been like this since day dot, keep us on our toes from the very start.

I am definitely holding out for the light at the end of the tunnel, I know it’s there I just wish I knew when this would end xx

@DiaNaranja he started to try and crawl at 4 months * and now is starting too

I had this with my second. It was chaos from the moment I gave birth. Colic and just generally unsettled wouldn’t go in a bouncer constantly racking my brain, changing formulas, all these different things. I total feel for you. It’s only now that he’s nearly 2 that I have managed to wean myself off the anti depressants. They saved me from literally going mad. I’m not sure if it was the him me combination or just PND but it was tough and I often wanted to run away. I felt loads of guilt too for DS1. A couple of times I forcefully dumped him in the cot and told my DH I hated him (I didn’t of course, I love him unconditionally) but I wasn’t coping. Seek as much support as you can. Round up family members and if needs be if you need meds take them. It will take the edge off.

Whereabouts are you, OP?

Could you see if there was someone near you offering a post-natal doula/mother's help type service? Even if you could only afford a couple of hours a week, it might give you enough respite to keep you going till you're out the other side of this (very difficult) phase of babyhood.