This could be a long and perhaps upsetting post so sorry in advance, also I'm sorry if it sounds like I am bragging about my niece as I have been told in the past I do that!!
For background, I have one brother, he has one daughter, she is 18. He and his wife struggled to have children in their late 20s despite fertility treatment. They gave up, went to teach abroad (were both teachers) and somehow ended up pregnant, they were over the moon with their daughter. Sadly 7 years ago, my sister-in-law passed away, she battled cancer for over two years (breast cancer which spread) but passed despite putting one of the strongest and bravest fights I'd ever seen, just a few days before her daughters 11th birthday.
My brother has put his all into raising his daughter, she is smart, beautiful, kind, loving, funny and talented all rolled into one. Truly a young woman to be proud of despite everything thrown at her. Her mums family live in Norway, so she has little to do with them. My mum passed away 2 years ago which was a terrible loss for us all. Really myself, my husband, my two boys, my brother, my niece and my dad function like one big core family split between 3 houses.
My niece is leaving for uni, she paid for an early check-in at her accommodation for Tuesday as she already has a job lined up and is so excited. She worked so hard for this and I couldn't be more excited for her if I tried!!
To the point, today my brother informed that he has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour. He kept any suspicions about this to himself. Luckily they believe it is treatable, surgery, chemo and potentially radiotherapy, so certainly not an easy journey ahead. He said he would have waited until niece had left for uni to tell anyone, but wants me to drive her on Tuesday as he has been having vision problems and doesn't feel comfortable making the 6+ hour drive, He is going to tell her he can't get out of work, but really he has already told work he needs time out sick.
He doesn't want to tell his daughter, he thinks it will make her rethink going to uni or certainly one so far away and he doesn't want her to throw away the amazing opportunity she has created for herself. He feels bad that so much of her childhood was spent caring for sick parents (her mums cancer, he has arthritis which at times had him bed bound, her mum had various surgeries before cancer diagnosis, from a stomach ulcer to hernia and more). He is adamant she will not give up her young adult years to care for him. He has said he will tell her once he has had the surgery, as he thinks that will be the part which scares her the most.
I now only work on Monday and Friday so can do a fair amount of caring for my brother and in reality I could give this up if need be, we are mortgage free and comfortable so I do it more for my sanity than money. My brother is also mortgage free, has some savings from his late wives estate etc. so financially there are few concerns. This means during chemo and radiotherapy he could brand it to her as I'm looking after him, she just needs to do what makes her happy and not stress.
I'm beyond devastated and as much as it really isn't my place, my niece is like a daughter to me and I'm thinking she should be told. Maybe deferring for a year if she feels it would be necessary would be good for her and if not at least she got to make the choice, not have it made for her.
I know it isn't my decision to make and will absolutely support my brother no matter what, but would it be unreasonable of me to encourage my brother to reconsider telling his daughter before she moves away for uni?