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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let DP feed 1 bottle of formula a day

50 replies

Al991 · 09/09/2023 16:49

I recently gave birth and had a very traumatic and difficult birth - am still recovering both physically and emotionally from what happened which could have killed me.

My baby is ~2 weeks and we are combination feeding as she has had weight loss issues, partially because of my own health. Obviously trying to prioritise breastfeeding but have been supplementing this to ensure weight gain.

At the moment I am completely exhausted, beside myself with anxiety and tearful from the sleep deprivation, trauma and worry about weight/feeding. I’ve started getting DP to do a formula only feed in the afternoon so I can have a couple of hours extra sleep.

AIBU to do this? Should I feel guilty for not putting my baby first for those few hours a day?

OP posts:

Parker231 · 09/09/2023 16:52

Of course you’re not doing anything wrong. Your baby needs a healthy parent - you are important. There is nothing wrong at all with formula.

Healthy baby = happy parents

GabriellaMontez · 09/09/2023 16:52

Look after yourself. You'll be able to cope so much better if you can get some sleep. That will be better for everyone.

Don't give it another thought.

Iam4eels · 09/09/2023 16:53

No, YANBU. I did this with one of my DC after a traumatic birth where I needed some rest, I also had a completely shredded nipple that had cracked in a spiral shape and needed one feed a day where it wasn't being pulled back open. DH would give DC a bottle of formula at around 7/8am allowing me to have a lie-in then I'd breastfeed the rest of the day/night. After a couple of weeks when I was feeling better we just dropped the bottle and I fed DC the morning feed instead. No big deal and it didn't affect supply, bonding or latch.

Do what works for you.

MoonlightMuse · 09/09/2023 16:53

Are you upset because you’re combination feeding or because your parter is doing a bottle a day?

Hummusanddipdip · 09/09/2023 16:54

You do what you need to do to survive. Your baby is not going to suffer negatively from being fed by dad. Or from having a formula feed mixed in there.

Fwiw, I struggled to breastfeed but because ds had a good latch and was gaining weight no one (health visitor, midwife at hospital at 5 day check up and nct lactation specialist) would help me, it hurt, I couldn't get comfy, I was constantly engorged and never seemed empty, so I started to express to feed, I didn't actually produce enough milk, so one or two feeds a day were formula. Ds is now 4 and extremely happy and healthy.

Honestly, you can't go far wrong if you're doing the best you can when it comes to feeding at this point. And as others have said, your health and wellbeing is just as important here.

TabbyBeast · 09/09/2023 16:55

You are putting your baby first by making sure your baby is fed!

I hate the guilt that goes along with not being able to breastfeed for any reason. I gave birth to a premature poorly baby and my milk just didn't kick in. He could barely tolerate formula milk but I had tried everything to encourage the milk in to no avail. My DS is now a promising athlete, tall, strong and thankfully healthy.

Be kind to yourself ❤️

Sirzy · 09/09/2023 16:55

You need to look after yourself in order to be able to give your baby what they need. Being given a bottle by a loving parent isn’t going to have any negative impact on her.

congratulations and don’t feel bad for looking after yourself

Nohelpfromdr · 09/09/2023 16:58

I honestly don’t know why combi feeding isn’t more popular, everyone I know seems to either ff or bf but we combi fed all our dc and it’s amazing, plus a midwife told me if a baby has ANY breastmilk they get ALL the benefits - she wanted me to know that the benefits of breastfeeding weren’t only for exclusively breast fed infants

FloatinguptheLagan · 09/09/2023 16:58

Both my boys were given 1 bottle of formula a day by DP from about 5/6 weeks, when reflux became an issue (as it had Gaviscon in it and settled them better in the evening). Best thing we did- don’t feel guilty at all. Baby will be fine on it and you need to look after yourself too xx

Lizzieregina · 09/09/2023 16:58

You definitely should not feel guilty. The better you feel, the better you’ll be able to parent. Your baby will be just fine.

I combination fed my first child, but I hated breastfeeding, so for babies 2 and 3 we went straight to formula. I was happier and they were content babies.

Every mother should do what works for them, and that isn’t the same for everyone.

35965a · 09/09/2023 16:59

Do not feel bad or guilty or second guess yourself. It’s totally fine!

SeaToSki · 09/09/2023 16:59

Your LO will benefit hugely from having a Mum who is better rested, and will also benefit from having a closer relationship with her Dad which might strengthen as a result of that bottle feed every night.

My 4 dc all had a 10pm bottle feed with their Dad so I could get to sleep at 6pm (after a breastfeed and my dinner) and I didnt take back over until any fussing or feeding until after midnight. DH then knew he would have midnight to 7am (when he got up for work) as guaranteed sleep. It worked really well for us and DH says some of his best moments with the dc when they were little were the evening feeds and settling he did

ErrolTheDragon · 09/09/2023 16:59

Of course YANBU, what you're doing sounds like the best thing for everyone.

SunRainStorm · 09/09/2023 17:00

You poor thing.

Absolutely let DP give a bottle and prioritise your sleep and recovery. If anything this will support your ability to breastfeed - you need rest and recovery to produce milk.

nicknamehelp · 09/09/2023 17:00

This was me 20 years ago it didn't do my ds any harm having a bottle/time with his dad (in fact helped them bond) he's now a 6ft strapping man who's hardly ever ill. So don't feel bad you need rest after being so ill in order to recover to look after your baby

KatieKat88 · 09/09/2023 17:03

DD had a bottle of formula a day for months until she started dropping feeds when solids increased - it was the best of both worlds for us. Kept breastfeeding until she was 1 and 3/4. It was great for us - have confidence in your choices as a parent. If it works for you then go for it.

IsobelNecessary · 09/09/2023 17:05

Obviously trying to prioritise breastfeeding

In the nicest possible way, you need to stop seeing this as obvious.

What's obvious is that you have had a terrible time and that your mental and physical health has taken a terrible beating. I had a similar experience, and I now deeply regret having tried to persist with breastfeeding when it was clearly too much on top of everything else. The day I switched to formula was the day that things started to look a bit better all round.

You are putting your baby first if you forget about breastfeeding and focus on your recovery. If you switch to formula, you will find that your worry about your baby not putting enough weight on abates, too, and that will make you feel better (and this will in turn make you a better mum).

rainbowstardrops · 09/09/2023 17:06

Oh you poor thing. Please DO NOT feel guilty!
I absolutely HATE this mum guilt that we have. I had it 20 odd years ago when breastfeeding just didn't work for me and I hated it. I cried so much because of the guilt that 'breast is best'.
My child THRIVED!
Very intellectual, great school/college results and went to uni.
I didn't even try with my 2nd child. She's absolutely fine!
The most important thing is a happy mum. Literally.

weebleswobblebuttheydontfalldown · 09/09/2023 17:08

I did this with my second and third, wish I had done with my first... was totally draining!! Especially when went back to work but that's another story!!

You need to prioritise taking care of yourself 🤗 , the baby will be fine.

I was so exhausted with my third I got DH to do either the late feed approx 10/11 pm ish or the night feed if he woke. Depending on his work and how tired I was!

Tbh, I'm so glad I did as when DC3, when he was 7 months I was taken very unwell while on holiday abroad and ended up being in hospital abroad for 2 weeks. If he had been solely breast fed it would have been 100 x more stressful that it already was!

Hope you recover well and are fighting fit soon ❤️

Daisymae55 · 09/09/2023 17:17

I’m so sorry that you had a traumatic birth and I hope you are recovering ok - sending lot spf love and strength!

absolutely do not feel guilty. My dd was only formula fed and bottles were pretty 50/50 split between DH and I on his 6 weeks off post birth. She has excellent bonds with both of us and has thrived. If your partner giving a bottle enables you to rest and recover then absolutely do it! You and your baby will both benefit from it!

Ma12 · 09/09/2023 17:18

Do it and don’t feel guilty. It’s fine to do whatever you think is best for you and your baby.

I did it from day 3 when we had LO’s tongue tie cut, saved my sanity and my nipples. Combi fed until 11.5 months and they took both fine.

Cowlover89 · 09/09/2023 17:23

Nohelpfromdr · 09/09/2023 16:58

Some just don't want to. Yeah I gave my son some formula in the beginning cause of pain once tongue tie was sorted just breastfed. Why add cost when it works for some just to breastfeed. Each to their own tho.

Cowlover89 · 09/09/2023 17:23

Do what you need to do. You need to keep yourself right for baba x

Thoughtful2355 · 09/09/2023 17:24

yabu for thinking this will affect the baby

KenAdams · 09/09/2023 17:26

I felt like this and carried on breastfeeding until 17 months because of the guilt. WORST DECISION EVER. Destroyed my mental health and isolated me from building a network. Don't feel guilty. Do what suits you.

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