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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who you agree with here ?

35 replies

MovieQueen12 · 09/09/2023 11:08

If someone never gets to go on holiday due to not having enough money or someone to go with but their sibling is on the opposite spectrum as has a partner who funds a lot of trips and holidays. They regularly send a lot of whataspp messages to the family chat and because they go away at least once a month, this amounts to a fair few.
Aibu to say this is a bit insensitive or that the person who doesn't go away, should be answering every message and being happy for them ?

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 09/09/2023 11:09

Is everyone in your family chat struggling for holiday funds and companions? How many people in the group?

bridgetreilly · 09/09/2023 11:10

I think that you should be happy for your relative who gets to enjoy so much travel, but I don’t think anyone is ever obliged to reply to every single message. Post about all the things that you are enjoying, instead?

saffronsoup · 09/09/2023 11:11

I don't have much respect for any adult who mooches off a partner. I would't comment on it at all.

Original poster
MovieQueen12 · 09/09/2023 11:12

Just me, 6 of us in the group but I'm the only single one in it.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 09/09/2023 11:13

Be happy for your relative who gets to travel. But no need for them to be rubbing it in your face with lots of pictures. Just reply once saying something like “looks lovely, enjoy!” And then ignore any more.

Sirzy · 09/09/2023 11:13

So you expect others to hide their lives from the whole family because your jealous?

Janieforever · 09/09/2023 11:15

I think it’s fine for them to share. As you’re so jealous you don’t need to respond. But it’s not ok to want them to hide it so you can live with your jealousy

Comedycook · 09/09/2023 11:17

I think that you should be happy for your relative who gets to enjoy so much travel

I think expecting people to feel happy that other people have things they don't have is really unreasonable.

Op...I think the person going on lots of trips should be more sensitive.

historyrepeatz · 09/09/2023 11:17

I think it's a hard one, they may want to share their happiness and memories with you as you are close and be oblivious to how it impacts you. It's awkward but so is having family who feel they have to hide things from you and on your side having things hidden from you. Imagine you just found out about the group and you weren't a part of it because they were worried about how you would feel, would it be better or worse for you?

Original poster
MovieQueen12 · 09/09/2023 11:21

I would be happier with that to be honest. I would rather they just showed me a few pics when they got back.
I don't mind a once every few months photo but when it's all the time and he keeps commenting on how beautiful she is etc, it just gets too much and is a bit odd.
They both know I feel down about not being able to get away so do find it quite insensitive.

OP posts:
BrightLightTonight · 09/09/2023 11:25

Firstly, you don’t need a partner to be able to go away. Why don’t you plan a weekend trip somewhere and go and enjoy yourself.

Don’t be jealous that other people seem to be having life better than you.

Janieforever · 09/09/2023 11:27

MovieQueen12 · 09/09/2023 11:21

I would be happier with that to be honest. I would rather they just showed me a few pics when they got back.
I don't mind a once every few months photo but when it's all the time and he keeps commenting on how beautiful she is etc, it just gets too much and is a bit odd.
They both know I feel down about not being able to get away so do find it quite insensitive.

How beautiful,who is?

10HailMarys · 09/09/2023 11:28

YABU. People are entitled to talk about their lives and share their excitement/happiness.

Original poster
MovieQueen12 · 09/09/2023 11:29

He always talks about how beautiful she is in the messages

OP posts:
continentallentil · 09/09/2023 11:30

If there are other people (eg your mum and dad, other siblings) who would appreciate them, then yeah you are being unreasonable. Sorry.

BusySittingDown · 09/09/2023 11:31

I do think it's a bit insensitive of the family member who travels, TBH.

I have relatives (child free couple) who go on lots of weekends away and over the past year have been to the Maldives, Dubai, Vegas etc. I have another relative who is a single mum and doesn't get to go anywhere. She keeps her mouth shut but I know she feels a bit crap when the couple says "oh we've been snowed under at work, we really need a holiday!" When they holiday all the time, brag about it and she can't afford it.

Yes, it's not their fault/problem that she can't afford/doesn't get to go on holiday but I do think that it's a little bit twattish and a case of knowing your audience.

Shoxfordian · 09/09/2023 11:32

Mute the WhatsApp group if it bothers you so much that other people can be happy doing something when you’re not

FiveShelties · 09/09/2023 11:33

MovieQueen12 · 09/09/2023 11:29

He always talks about how beautiful she is in the messages

Is this bothering you more than the holidays?

fairyfluf · 09/09/2023 11:34

I'd be fine if it was me and my siblings. I'd feel happy for them.

fairyfluf · 09/09/2023 11:36

Sort your jealousy out

TedMullins · 09/09/2023 11:36

You don’t need a partner to go away. Can you do a cheap solo trip? I went to Crete for a week on my own for under £300 not long ago

PurpleMonkeys · 09/09/2023 11:39

Let's change the premise slightly.

You're in a family group chat with 5 other people. Mum, aunt, 3 sisters.
You can't have kids, nature means you'll never have kids.
1 sister floods the chat with pictures of her 3 kids.
2 sisters, mum and aunt all fawn over those kids.

How'd you think you'd feel?

It's not jealousy when someone is rubbing your face in something you'll never have, it's insensitivity and borderline cuntish behaviour.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/09/2023 11:42

I don't think people should have to hide their lives from close relatives, no.

It's perfectly ok to feel how you feel about it. Not ok to expect them to pretend they aren't living their lives how they are able to.

Puffwiththegreeneyes · 09/09/2023 11:51

No one should be expected to respond to every single message or picture, but there's no issues with them sending pictures of their trip. Would it be better to have a group that excluded one person to prevent them being upset by things they don't have?

BasicPumpkinSpice · 09/09/2023 12:00

There's someone in our family chat that travels a lot and it gets boring really after awhile. A few pictures fine. Tons and tons of them not really. But it's the same with anyone who spams a chat with a ton of pictures of the same thing. The chat just starts to feel like it exists to validate particular members egos. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's the reason all my group chats are muted. 😉