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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask who you agree with here ?

35 replies

MovieQueen12 · 09/09/2023 11:08

If someone never gets to go on holiday due to not having enough money or someone to go with but their sibling is on the opposite spectrum as has a partner who funds a lot of trips and holidays. They regularly send a lot of whataspp messages to the family chat and because they go away at least once a month, this amounts to a fair few.
Aibu to say this is a bit insensitive or that the person who doesn't go away, should be answering every message and being happy for them ?

OP posts:

IsadoraQuagmire · 09/09/2023 12:35

MovieQueen12 · 09/09/2023 11:21

I would be happier with that to be honest. I would rather they just showed me a few pics when they got back.
I don't mind a once every few months photo but when it's all the time and he keeps commenting on how beautiful she is etc, it just gets too much and is a bit odd.
They both know I feel down about not being able to get away so do find it quite insensitive.

I agree with you, it's very insensitive.

StarBloo · 09/09/2023 12:49

I think its OK to share pics, it's also OK for you to mute the group and only answer what you want to.

Why can't you go away solo? Or with a friend etc?

RamsesTheChub · 09/09/2023 12:50

I think it probably is a bit insensitive, but not sure you can expect them to not either. I also wonder why being single prevents you. If you could afford it, would you go alone?

Could you maybe approach it differently. If they go regularly and they really are friends, just once could costs be cut if you went in on it with them? e.g. shared holiday home, if able to drive or get there by rail (e.g. ferries, eurostar, etc.) can you share that?

Sucette · 09/09/2023 12:52

Just do a thumbs up emoji

Skybluecoat · 09/09/2023 12:55

YABU and sound very jealous of whoever “she” is. I can’t work out if you are objecting to BIL referring to your sister as beautiful, or if you’re objecting to your brother referring to your SIL as beautiful? Why does either bother you so much?

I understand money is tight, but not having anyone to go with isn’t a reason not to go on holiday. Plenty of singletons do it, and even some of my married friends go on trips away alone just to get away from everything, or because they want to go somewhere nobody else is interested in.

PetiteNasturtium · 09/09/2023 12:58

I have a lot of siblings, I know full well that I am substantially financially better off than them so I am your relative in this scenario.

I have always been careful with what I share, I don’t live near any of them and I do not have any sort of social media such as FB or instagram. I share a little but have never told them just how much I travel or what I do and to what degree. When you have had a holiday that’s probably your relatives entire living budget for a quarter of the year I think it’s just insensitive. Just the same as I have three friends all getting divorced currently I’m careful what I share with them what DH and I have done because they are all really struggling.

Bluevelvetsofa · 09/09/2023 13:01

I’m on a WhatsApp group with people who regularly have expensive holidays and all kinds of other things. I enjoy seeing their photos and hearing about their travels. I can’t afford it and won’t ever be able to, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t be pleased for those who can.

MermaidEyes · 09/09/2023 13:02

I would just mute the group chat when they're away. You can holiday solo though. I know of independent travel agents who do accompanied trips just for groups of women, things like short city breaks or river cruises. If you don't have anyone to go with it's a good way to have a break with like minded people and not be entirely on your own.

Ffsmakeitstop · 09/09/2023 13:04

PurpleMonkeys · 09/09/2023 11:39

Let's change the premise slightly.

You're in a family group chat with 5 other people. Mum, aunt, 3 sisters.
You can't have kids, nature means you'll never have kids.
1 sister floods the chat with pictures of her 3 kids.
2 sisters, mum and aunt all fawn over those kids.

How'd you think you'd feel?

It's not jealousy when someone is rubbing your face in something you'll never have, it's insensitivity and borderline cuntish behaviour.

I agree with this. Mute the WhatsApp.

TaigaSno · 09/09/2023 13:18

It's possible to be unhappy about something in your own life but still be happy for others.

Your sibling is enjoying lots of travel and wants to share photos with you and your family. They shouldn't have to hide part of their life. You can look at those photos and be pleased that they are having a nice time. They are not travelling instead of you.
But that doesn't mean you need to respond to every update either.

In life, some people have things that others don't. Some people can do things that others can't. Some people go to places that others don't. Your life is your own, you don't need to compare it to anyone else. Instead of feeling jealous, focus on yourself and what you can do.

You don't need someone to go with. I have traveled the whole world by myself. Have the confidence to go alone, or join a group tour.

You can't afford it? Save! Save whatever you can scrape together. £1 a week? You might be able to save over a few years for a holiday. You might well not be able to save up the cost of a holiday at all. But you can save for something else that you will enjoy. A day trip? A spa treatment? Some new clothes? A book? Focus on what you will enjoy, not what others are doing or what you want to show off in a photo.

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