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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to re-enroll DD in her old school?

54 replies

cadburytiffin · 09/09/2023 08:20

I switched DD to a different primary school after reception as it's in a more convenient location - 5 min away vs 30 min - but it's been a week and I'm not so sure!

Her old school was quite small, everyone knew everyone and if there was a new student/parent they would be introduced. Lots of play dates and birthday parties and school events. It was just really welcoming and nice.

This school is very big, DD says she still doesn't know anyone's name because she hasn't been told. Parents are just in and out in a huge crowd to collect their kids and chatting in lots of groups of 2 or 3, not really an easy time to chat or introduce myself. I did ask someone if there was a class messaging group and was told 'I don't know' in not a very friendly way.

I went a bit early and saw some of the parents drinking in the pub next door and tried to kind of smile at them but they blanked me.

DD was crying saying she wanted to go back to her old school, and when I told them she was leaving I got so many messages from parents...I know it's only been a week but WIBU to ignore the 2 hour round trip journey and apply for her to go back after Christmas?

DH thinks now we've moved her she should stay where she is, but I know friends who have employed the same logic and made their kids unnecessarily miserable. But I'm also meant to go back to work and the shorter commute would be really helpful. Gah I don't know.

OP posts:
lanthanum · 09/09/2023 08:43

It's only been a week - you need to give it more time than that. Mention to the teacher that DD is struggling to settle, and I'm sure they'll do their best to buddy her up a bit.

Keep trying with getting to meet parents - the first week everyone is probably busy catching up after the summer, so hopefully they will be a bit more ready to talk to newcomers next week. Once you've got a conversation going with one parent from DD's class, explain that you're new and don't know anyone - could they introduce you to some of the other class parents? Keep an eye out on social media - is there a local parents group on Facebook, for instance?

LIZS · 09/09/2023 08:59

How old is she? There is a lot to be said for convenience especially as they do more activities.

Original poster
cadburytiffin · 09/09/2023 09:05

@LIZS She's 5. Her old school was out of catchment so her friends/activities were further away which was definitely less convenient

OP posts:
KevinDeBrioche · 09/09/2023 09:06

You need to give it more time. A week is too soon. That commute sounds unsustainable for six years, I think you did the right thing.

LIZS · 09/09/2023 09:07

She'll be fine but you will have to make the effort to facilitate friendships and ask the teacher to ensure she is included. Was she the only new one in her class?

CupOfCoffeePlease · 09/09/2023 09:10

It will be worth sticking with it. Tiny schools are fab for reception/yr 1 but a bigger pool of friends/better resources etc come into their own as they go up the school.

Also remember is your daughters school. You can't choose on basis of ease as a parent to chat.

It really will be a few weeks and then it will feel hers.

Driving 30mins is crazy when you can do 5. And aftershock activities/playdates as they get bigger
.

Hellocatshome · 09/09/2023 09:12

I'm assuming you put lots of thought into it before moving her. All the reasons you moved her for still apply. It will take more than a week for her to settle and honestly when you start working having a child in a school 30 mins away and a lot of play dates, birthday parties will just become a complete pain in the arse.

NerdyBird · 09/09/2023 09:12

How come she went to the further away school in the first place? Was the near one full, have you moved etc? Because if there wasn't a specific reason about the school such as the activities, resources, results etc then it prob needs more time.

CupOfCoffeePlease · 09/09/2023 09:13

And chat to everyone.

See if she has a friend she wants to invite for a play after school?

Somaliwildass · 09/09/2023 09:16

You want to move her because you're having trouble making friends? But not sure because it's also more convenient for you.

Put her first and stop messing her about. It's week one. She'll settle in and it'll all become familiar soon.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/09/2023 09:18

By Christmas its likely she will be fully settled and uprooting her again will cause more upset.

By the end of next week she could have a new best friend!

PerfectMatch · 09/09/2023 09:19

I don't see a problem with moving her back, in the sense of I don't agree with DH's comment "now we've moved her we shouldn't move her back" if it's the best thing to do. BUT the commute will be a killer for the next 6 years! I'd give it a few more weeks, it's early days.

Whinge · 09/09/2023 09:21

if there was a new student/parent they would be introduced. Lots of play dates and birthday parties and school events. It was just really welcoming and nice.

This will be the same at the new school. She will have been introduced to her class, probably given a buddy or friend to sit next to and show her the ropes. There will be birthday parties and school events, but it's only the first week so you need to give it time.

She's probably asking to go back to the old school because it's familiar and it's also possible she's also picking up on your anxiety and worries about the new school.

Yourebeingtooloud · 09/09/2023 09:22

You’re also assuming there will be a place for her again at the old school - which is probably unlikely. I know all the spaces in classes at my school from children moving at the end of the year have already been filled.

It wouldn’t be after Christmas either - if her place is still there, you’d have to take it up straight away.

Original poster
cadburytiffin · 09/09/2023 09:22

NerdyBird · 09/09/2023 09:12

How come she went to the further away school in the first place? Was the near one full, have you moved etc? Because if there wasn't a specific reason about the school such as the activities, resources, results etc then it prob needs more time.

She went to the further away school because it has a really good academic/community reputation. The local school has a good reputation as well but not to the same extent. So we put it at the top of our list and appealed until we got it. As I wasn't working the commute/further away play dates etc were doable but 2 hours a day is a big chunk of time, so we decided to move DD in y1 with the expectation that she would stay through until secondary. I think I just wasn't prepared for how different it would be.

OP posts:
DivorcedDiva · 09/09/2023 09:23

She's 5 she will be over it in a couple of weeks, they change their mind like the wind at that age.

Starlightstarbright2 · 09/09/2023 09:24

You need to divide your issues and hers . She is very young .. friendships are very fluid at this age.. you need to give it time and be positive..

YourNameGoesHere · 09/09/2023 09:26

It all seems like such an unnecessary fuss. She's been there for a few days of course she doesn't have lots of friends yet and she's not been invited to parties, there probably hasn't even been one to be invited to.

She's had a lot of upheavel in such a short amount of time, leave her in the new school and let her have a chance to settle in before uprooting her again.

FloweryName · 09/09/2023 09:26

It’s far too early for you to be seriously worrying about this being the wrong move for your dd. She still has plenty of time and opportunity to settle in and be happy at her new school.

You can’t apply for a place to start after Christmas anyway. If they do have a space open still which they might not, they can’t hold it open.

BrutusMcDogface · 09/09/2023 09:28

cadburytiffin · 09/09/2023 09:22

She went to the further away school because it has a really good academic/community reputation. The local school has a good reputation as well but not to the same extent. So we put it at the top of our list and appealed until we got it. As I wasn't working the commute/further away play dates etc were doable but 2 hours a day is a big chunk of time, so we decided to move DD in y1 with the expectation that she would stay through until secondary. I think I just wasn't prepared for how different it would be.

Show quote history

I hope other parents are reading this and take it on board when looking for schools for their kids. It doesn’t do anyone any favours if you put your kid in a school half an hour away because it looks better on paper, or has better results etc.

OP- it’s very early days. I’m sure you’re feeling all kinds of emotions but stick it out for a while at least. Year 1 is a hard year anyway, so your daughter has the double whammy of going from year r to year 1 and in a different school. Give her a chance to settle, and give her lots of love and reassurance at home. Best wishes.

FromEden · 09/09/2023 09:28

Am I the only one who is bit 😱 about the parents drinking in the pub before pick up? I mean, I'm hardly teetotal but that seems a bit weird. Or maybe it's just that I live in the US and if I was seen doing that some busy body parent would probably call CPS.

But I wouldn't stress OP, it's the first week. Shes 5 and will make friends and then you'll be invited to all sorts of things.

Workawayxx · 09/09/2023 09:28

I’d leave it till Christmas at least. How big is “really big”? My DS’s primary was 300 I think and the largest in catchment for secondary. He has just gone to secondary and it means he knows more people and is more used to a busy environment then if he’d been in a v small school. He’s quite shy so I think it has been positive for him (I appreciate that’s a long way off for your dd though!). I also love that he has activities and friends really locally, it makes a big difference now they are old enough to meet up in the park and he has activities nearby. It was something I didn’t have growing up.

Qwerty21 · 09/09/2023 09:28

So you insisted your child went to the previous school, raising appeal after appeal until she got in, then moved her after a year?! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Stick where you are. It's only been a week.

Yourebeingtooloud · 09/09/2023 09:28

cadburytiffin · 09/09/2023 09:22

She went to the further away school because it has a really good academic/community reputation. The local school has a good reputation as well but not to the same extent. So we put it at the top of our list and appealed until we got it. As I wasn't working the commute/further away play dates etc were doable but 2 hours a day is a big chunk of time, so we decided to move DD in y1 with the expectation that she would stay through until secondary. I think I just wasn't prepared for how different it would be.

Show quote history

When you say you appealed multiple times - did the class end up going over numbers (30) to let her in or did you just get lucky with someone moving?

Based on this though, her space at the old school is gone. Moving her back isn’t going to be an (easy) option. You’ve got a space at a local school which is going to be much easier for the future, including going to secondary with her school friends etc. Commit to it, give it some time and most importantly don’t let her think there’s even a possibility of moving back as that will be so unsettling for her.

ZadocPDederick · 09/09/2023 09:29

If you had to appeal to get your DD a place in the old school, the chances are that the place has already gone to whoever was first on the waiting list.